(Closed) children at the wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
326 posts
Helper bee

@msdiaz10:  The “proper” way to address the situation on the invitation is to just put the name of the man and woman you’re inviting. “Mr John and Mary Smith” … this way, you’re giving the “hint” that it’s specifically addressed to just THEM, and NOT “The Smith Family”. 


I’ve known many people who don’t get the subtle “hint” and they RSVP with “+4” and bring their damn kids anyway.

Other ways I’ve seen it done, are, again on the invitation, something along the lines of “Adult Reception at (venue) (time).” It’s less subtle but it leaves zero room for people tacking their kids on.

I don’t like kids at the ceremony either. I feel like them screaming/crying/running around ruins the most important part (the vows). But seeing as though ALL of my cousins have their own kids, I have no idea how I’m going to address this when I get engaged.


Good luck! :):)


Post # 4
17 posts

@msdiaz10:  A few well behaved kids? No problem. A bunch of kids at the awful age where temper tantrums are thrown and their parents don’t care enough to keep them calm? Hell no.

I agree that simply stating that it is an “Adult Reception.” This can be seen as not propper ettiquite, however when you do not include it on the invitation, people do not usually conform the the word of mouth info, or get the hint that the invitation just for the parents. Good luck!

Post # 5
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site

Put your foot down.  It’s YOUR wedding, don’t let them dictate whether or not you should have kids because they’re pissy about your decision.

I’m not having kids there either (just my own son) and if people don’t like it it’s just too damn bad.   So far, most of the ppl who do have kids have already said they’re getting a sitter because they want to enjoy the evening out.

Post # 6
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We are in a similar situation– but the kids with the worst behavior have to be invited. I don’t want to be the brat who says no kids because I am fine with well behaved kids. My solution is four part:

1) I am inviting all kids/families. No one is left out and I am not the mean one. Yes, that is 40 kids, but my guess is only 15 will be allowed to come.

2) I am telling parents that there is no crying room in the church, we are having a full mass, and that if their kid starts fussing they are more than welcome to take them out in the DC heat to calm them. 100 degree humid weather with a screaming tot– that sounds fun. That should scare half the parents into leaving the kid at home.

3) We are hiring babysitters for the reception and they will be set up downstairs at our venue. I am making it clear that I expect kids under 13 with the babysitter during the dinner and speeches. What parent is going to leave kids with a babysitter they don’t know? Again, this is to encourage parents to find trusted babysitters without making me look like the bad one.

4) Fiance is set on having some kids upstairs for the dinner because they are important to him. That is fine. If his family doesn’t make them behave and it is a reflection on them. I will just seat the kids next to my family and friends and have given them all instructions that they can adopt the “it takes a villiage to raise a child attitude” and correct their behavior/send them downstairs.

Can you adopt something similar? A babysitter is costing us $500 and is saving me so much stress. 

Post # 7
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013


If you’re not intending on having any kids, then why are your FSIL’s kids ok? I *personally* wouldn’t attend if kids aren’t welcome unless it was a late wedding, but I’m wondering what’s wrong with the adults in both of your families that they believe that kids running around a restaurant are OK?

Post # 8
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

STAND YOUR GROUND! It’s YOUR wedding and this is the one day when you can do whatever you and your fiance want!

If people are getting all offended, don’t go into details as to why you made this decision. Just say you couldn’t invite all kids because of space/money issues. Tell them that if you invited everyone’s kids that would have added 100+ people to the guest list (this is true for me and my guest list).

I totally understand why you wouldn’t want kids at your wedding, especially if they acted this way at your engagement party/dinner. 

You have every right to make this decision. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. And just remember that unfortunately, when you’re planning a wedding, somebody is probably going to be offended/upset over EVERY decision you make, so don’t stress about it. You cannot possibly make every single person happy, so don’t try. Stay true to yourself!







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