(Closed) Children at Weddings

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do children belong at weddings?
    Only at the ceremony : (1 votes)
    1 %
    No, weddings are an adult event : (22 votes)
    14 %
    Only at less formal or afternoon receptions, not at evening affairs : (9 votes)
    6 %
    Weddings are about family, children should be there : (30 votes)
    20 %
    This is entirely up to the bride and groom, I would not be offended either way : (84 votes)
    55 %
    Only very special children (those belonging to the bride and groom ect.) : (6 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    680 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Eek!  I hope it all works out for you.  One thing you can do to HOPEFULLY hint towards an adult only wedding is possibly having it on the bottom of the invite.  Our invites said “Adult reception to follow” even though we didn’t want children at the ceremony either.  Also, on the RSVP cards you can write “___ seat(s) reserved in your honor” and “___ of 2 (or whatever number invited) attending.  You will probably get a few people crossing out your number and writing their own, but you can definitely try and fight your way out of those additions one way or another.  Good luck!  

    Post # 4
    Member
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Yeah where I’m from, kids are not usually at weddings–even if they get invited, the parents usually do not bring them.  Personally, I really prefer it that way.  Don’t get me wrong–I love kids, but they definitely will change the atmosphere of the party, and I’m at a stage of life where I prefer the atmosphere of a party without the kiddos!

    You probably should do the “we have reserved _ seats in your honor” thing on the RSVP and make sure you write the adults names (not “the Smith Family”).  Also, tell people who your Fiance is close to so they aren’t shocked 6 wks before the wedding.  Like with registry info, this kind of thing should be first spread by word of mouth and you can write it on your website.  Close friends and family definitely deserve getting a phone call so they have time to plan for a sitter (and so they know you were trying to be considerate even if they disagree with your choice)

    Post # 5
    Member
    3720 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    If you and your Fiance want a no kids wedding, that is what you should have. However, be prepared for the wrath of people who wonder why their kids aren’t invited. We will have 40 under 12 invited (and 10 teenagers). For us, it wasn’t worth the headache of explaining to my future brother in law or sister in law that their kids weren’t welcome. I couldn’t imaging getting married without my future nephews and niece there either. They are part of the family, and I don’t have a problem with kids of friends coming. To be perfectly honest, if kids are there, adults are better behaved, and my bar bill is lower.

    Yes there will be some fussing, but I expect parents to teach their children how to behave. If they aren’t watching their children closely, that is a reflection on them.

    Post # 6
    Member
    170 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I don’t understand why so many people don’t want kids at there wedding. I love my friends and families children and I want them to attend and enjoy my day with me.  I think kids especially little girls look forward to it and like to be included. Honestly it’s not like theres stripping at a wedding so how is it not appropriate to have them there?

    Post # 7
    Member
    1044 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I feel your pain. I don’t want children at the wedding but my bestie and Bridesmaid or Best Man has a son, and a lot of our out of town guests do too. I mentioned to my friend that I wasn’t sure about children and she was slightly hurt even so I quickly explained it wasn’t personal but just from my experience the ceremony is sacred and children can run around, detracting from the actual ceremony. She understood but it was super awkward!

    What I ultimately decided on is- no children at the ceremony. my wedding is at disneyland so my guests are excited to bring their children and I think the reception is more appropriate even though I’m not 100% with that. I will provide child care and Disney will provide a kids room. I’ve been kicking around the idea of offering child care for the whole night but that’s costly.

    Posting from iPhone- excuse weirdness

    Post # 9
    Member
    1044 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @lovelynners:  for me- its definitely the disruption of the ceremony. I last wedding I was in, the flower girl was upset because there were already petals on the ground so she threw a tantrum and didn’t want to walk down the aisle. The processional was held up and the brides had set the music perfectly to their walk so, they just squeezed it in before the music shut off. Flower girl also didn’t like that her mama was standing holding the chuppah, so she kept running up to her and jumping on her mama. Allegedly the brides didn’t care but I could tell one was miffed. 

    Posting from iPhone- excuse weirdness

    Post # 10
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I will be spelling it out…”ADULT only reception”

    Post # 12
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would LOVE to not have kids at the wedding but my mother will not hear of it.  There won’t be too many there but the kids that are for sure coming (my cousins’ kids) are super naughty and I know there will be running and screaming through the reception.  Blah.  Best of luck! I hope people respect your wishes!!

    Post # 13
    Member
    3553 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I don’t want to invite children because of the sheer numbers in my family. Most of my cousins (I have 13 just on one side) are in baby-making mode and all of them have at least 2. If I let them bring children there woud be at least 15 under 5s. Only a handful of my cousins have a handle on proper parenting too. I have one cousin who does NOTHING to control her children and she’s a single mom. Her son (5 at the time) kicked SO in the throat last Christmas and never had any consequences, in fact I think he may have been rewarded with dessert for it.

    I plan on telling my family that we cannot accomodate 20 plus children with our venue space/budget and that we would rather be able to invite our friends who will remember the occasion. The only children I want there are SO’s nephew (ring bearer) his neice, and my cousins twin girls (flower girls).

    Post # 14
    Member
    17 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I received a wedding invitation recently that communicated the no children policy in a way that was not offensive. At the bottom of the invitation, right under “Black tie”, they wrote something like, “We apologize, but our venue is unable to accommodate children under 16”.

    I thought this worked nicely as it took the blame off of the bride and groom.

    Post # 15
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I’m going to be putting mine on the RSVP card – I REALLY don’t want kids at the ceremony either and did not want a flower girl or ring bearer, but Fiance was insistent on it and since that’s the only thing he’s had a real opinion on I decided to allow it. But only out of town kids and immediate family kid’s will be allowed at the reception (for babysitter reasons).

    I don’t know, I really don’t follow etiquette stuff, so if it was a total no kids event for mine i’d probably put it on the invitation.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3823 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t want a ring bearer or a flower girl. Besides, I don’t know anyone with an age-appropriate daughter. All of the ones that I know will be in the midst of the terrible twos when the big day gets here. Not interested. 

    I’d like to say no children but I still want my brother and his wife and kids to attend. My nephews are like saints. They don’t move or anything unless they are told to by mom and dad. 

     

    More than likely, I will say “Adult Only Reception” and call my brother to tell him that he has a choice.

     

    The topic ‘Children at Weddings’ is closed to new replies.

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