(Closed) children, cousins, guest list dilemma

posted 8 years ago in Reception
  • poll: Should I invite the additional 5 children of cousins
    Yes : (7 votes)
    29 %
    No : (16 votes)
    67 %
    Unsure : (1 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Does your caterer offer a child meal price? How much are you talking with five kids added? Is your Fiance close to the kids? Is he close to that cousin? Will he be upset if that cousin is unable to come because you said no to the kids? Are they well behaved? How old are they?

    I guess there’s a lot to consider, haha.

    If I were in your shoes (not knowing the answers to any of those questions), my gut would be to call them up, explain that you’re not having kids at the wedding except one first cousin, and you’d love for them to make a romantic weekend out of it if they have a friend they can ask to watch the 5 kids who will stay home.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    It sounds like you already have your guest list rules established. I would not invite the cousin’s kids. If the rule is first cousins, then it’s first cousins, even if your youngest cousin is ten. I say this because of my own experience. We are on the young ends of our family, so most of our cousins are married with kids.

    My cousins on my side have kids from 2mos to 16 years. But on my step-mom’s side, there are two cousins under 13. They are invited, they are 1st cousins.

    Otherwise, we are not inviting cousins’ kids. To invite just ONE of my mom’s side’s kids would open the flood gates to invite some 20 children under 16 for that side of the family alone. Rediculous. I was able to cut out almost 35 people just by saying no to cousins’ kids.

    We’re going with first cousins and that’s the rule regardless of age. You don’t have to explain “No kids”, just explain “First cousins only”. We are having kids at our reception, but they are either 1st cousins, our ring bearer and flower girl, or our own neices and nephews – which is about 12 kids altogether.

    Good luck! But I would just say First Cousins Only and stick to it.

    Post # 6
    Bee
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

    Five kids isn’t a lot.  I guess the question is will it create unecessary drama for you if you say no?  If the answer is yes, then maybe it’s easier just to let them come.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1897 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I’m in the same position.  We say “no” to cousin’s children. I can;t believe they actaully called to ask, that’s so rude.  The invitation is typically clear enough.  They should get a baby sitter and enjoy a grown-up evening!

    Post # 8
    Member
    306 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’m inviting the kids when it’s people who will have to arrange some sort of babysitting, so it makes most sense to me to have you invite the kids. However, since you’ve established a “no kids” rule, it might cause unneccessary drama to invite those 5. If your fiancé doesn’t care, go with what will cause less drama. 5 kids isn’t a big deal either way, it’s the drama that matters.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    We have the same dilema. My side of the family has a lot of children and so does FI’s, only his side is MUCH better behaved and honestly I like his side’s children more. My mom was asked by my aunt if kids were attending my mom said no, only people who are from out of town are bringing their children because they obviously don’t have babysitters in the area. FI’s entire family is Out of Town so they are all coming with their kids (estimated at probably 10). I’m ok with this because children’s menus are discounted, our venue has a great room for kids to be in and play, they are well behaved.Is it fair? No, will i be less annoyed? yes. Also when I was younger I wasn’t allowed at their weddings b/c of the no children rule so now I feel like I don’t have to bend over backwards to accomodate their children.

    I guess you have to think about this: Is your FI’s family’s children well behaved? If they aren’t will they ruin/annoy you on your day? (my family’s kids would annoy me and therefore I would probably snap at them because they run around like wild animals and the parents don’t tell them to stop) Do you get discounted childrens menus? Will the 5 of them being there mess up your seating arrangements?

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