Post # 1
i have a dilemma. I am having an evening reception, and really want it to be "adults only". However, both Fiance and I adore my two cousins (aged 2 and 5) and wouldn’t dream of getting married without them.
I have heard from many sources that its OK to have kids who are in the wedding party (we plan to make them both flower girls) , but the problem is now that the two girls’ mother (who also happens to be one of my bridesmaids) just found out that she is pregnant and due 2 months before the wedding.
The new baby has to attend the wedding. Will this piss everyone else off?
At this point, adding everyone’s kids (to the tune of about 25 additional guests — we are a family of procreators) is cost prohibitive. Not only all of the extra food and decor, but if we top 200, which we certainly would, we have to pay our venue an additional $2000 (STUPID!!!!). Should I take the flack for cherry picking my "favorite kids" or pay the extra dough and not piss anyone off?
Post # 3
I think everyone would understand allowing a bridesmaid (or any guest for that matter) to bring a 2 month old.Â No one would expect her to leave an infant that young with someone else.Â And besides the fact, you wouldn’t need to pay to feed a 2 month old.
I think you should have your flower girl cousins and allow your bridesmaid (and maybe be open to if another relative has an emergency where they have to bring an infant).Â However, be prepared to answer any questions if someone is wondering.
At my brother’s wedding he didn’t allow any of our cousins to come to our wedding, but then there were a bunch of random children his wife used to babysit, which upset family members.Â However, in your situation I wouldn’t expect any ill feelings.
Post # 4
Ditto what Beccs said. If the two little girls are in the party, then it makes sense for an exception for them. If the mother of the girls (which essentially makes her a part of the party, pretty much) has an infant, I think an exception makes sense for her too. The girls cannot be there w/o their mom, and she cannot be there w/o the baby. ‘Nuff said!
I might consider making an exception for anyone else who has a newborn too, but then it’s a slippery slope…and you could end up w/ more than just one crying baby while you’re walking down the aisle. (Not to be mean…just practical.)
I did make the offer to one of my BM’s who had a young infant (he was about 5-6 mos. at the time of our wedding) that she could be the one exception to our strict "NO KIDS!" rule, but she said she wouldn’t dream of it — she wanted the chance to cut loose and enjoy time w/ her husband!
You do need to stand firm about any other children, though, otherwise people’s feelings will be hurt. They might be hurt anyway, but at least you’ll be able to explain rationally that there is a rule. You’ll probably need to clarify to your close family, too, what "child" means — anyone under 16, etc. I don’t have kids, so maybe I sound callous, but I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to expect that you invite and feed their child who will not completely understand and/or appreciate the significance of a wedding, and in many cases, won’t remember it past the next week. Good luck — I know that people can get very touchy about the whole no kids thing…
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I think youre in the clear! A lot of brides I know are allowing "siblings of flowergirl/ringbearer" only, me included. This isnt to say that one or two people might get touchy about the situation, but really, you cant please everyone, and the way you’re handling your particular situation is how a LOT of girls handle it.
Post # 6
Thanks all for the great advice! I feel so much better 🙂 These kids ARE my first cousins, so I can make that argument as well.
Princesskitty, good call on including anyone else with an infant. I think any baby under 6 months qualifies, does that sound right?
Post # 7
Sure, but like I said, you might want to really carefully consider that b/c you could end up w/ a lot of crying babies. But, it might truly mean the difference between a person coming and not coming. A sitter for an infant is a really different thing than a sitter for a 3 year old, IMO…but then again, I don’t have kids…
Post # 8
That’s a good idea, and I’m pretty sure you won’t hurt feelings. The only kids that came to our wedding were the flower girls, ring bearers and a couple of infants (we had a cry-room at the church which was perfect) – most people will be understanding if you don’t invite the kids.
We only came across one issue where the mother, father and grandparents were all coming to the wedding and the parents coudn’t find a babysitter and asked to bring the (bratty) kids, but we still said "no" – which they took quite well. They eventually found a babysitter, so it all worked out.
Post # 9
We’re trying to figure out the kid thing as well, but a lot of the friends who have kids who we’ve talked to said the same thing as a lot of people above have said: "heck no we’re not bringing the kids! We want to have fun!" And one couple asked if we’re going to have a list of babysitters available for hire, which we will as my mom is a high school coach.
We know some people will have small kids there, and my Fiance suggested that during the ceremony, we also have a babysitter (or two) to watch the kids in the cry room so they don’t interrupt the ceremony.
Post # 10
I booted all kids. it was almost 65 extra people, and this was only about 11 and under. I have kids in the wedding party, they will attened and if people get pissed it’s their own issue – I’m not going to ask someone to be in my wedding and then not let them attened the dinner. Weddings are expwensive and we just couldn’t afford to have 65 additional plates to pay for – It was going to be almost another $1000 just to feed the kids chicken fingers!!!
As for your friend who is pregnant, my sister is as well and she’s also my Maid/Matron of Honor – the ONLY reason her baby will be at my wedding is because our whole family will be there, which would make it hard for her to find a sitter – however if one of your maids will have a 2 month old, I would politely let her know that though you love her and the baby – you really don’t want to take the chance of her having to be on "mom duty" all night with a possibly crying child through your wedding video and reception. Express that you’d like her to be able to relax and perform the honor and duty you entrusted her with of being a bridesmaid.
It shouldn’t be so much for people to understand that rightly so your wedding party will be at your wedding reception.
I’m keeping stirct to my standing because my feeling is, if I let one come – then I have to let them all. I even have "an adult reception following ceremony" on my invite and strong word of mouth going around, so no one is suprised by this come August.