(Closed) Children of divorced parents:

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

My parents divorced when I was 6.  At the time it didn’t really affect me that much, but I later developed a lot of trust issues and abandonment issues.  Thankfully I met an amazing man who helped me get through it.

Post # 4
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Here’s my two cents.

My parents divoced when I was in 3rd grade. I was young enough that yes, it changed my life, but honestly it was for the better as my parents were clearly unhappy and they had time to change their own lives.

My hub’s parents divorced 4 years ago after 32 years of marriage. I honestly think it changed his life more than my parents divorce changed mine. It really made him weary of commitment. Obviously we’re married (and happy!) now, but it took us quite a while.

Post # 5
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think I was 29 when they actually got divorced, they were seperated for 10 or so years.  I actually don’t know when they actually got divorse as they never told us.  The seperation and the divorse didn’t really affect us at all.  We were told it was their marriage and was none of our business, all we had to know that we still had two parents who loved us. 

They had a really easy divorse, only one attorney.  My mom still talks to my dad all the time and they are dear friends.  My mom even stays with my dad and my step when she comes to town.  My step will even call my mom when she has an issue with my dad.  My mom still has that way of telling my dad to knock it off and relax. 

Post # 7
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My parents divorced when I was nineteen, my dad left to be with another woman who he is now married to.

It took a lot of adjusting to get used to the new family structure, but I find that I am facing the most problems trying to organise my wedding plans to keep everyone else from being upset. e.g. I want both my parents to walk me down the aisle as they are not a married couple & I want them to equally be involved & give me away. My dad seems to be having a huge issue with this as it’s ‘somthing he always imagined doing by himself’ (sorry, kind of ruined that for yourself!)

Post # 8
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My parents divorced when I was 4. I hardly remember them living together in the first place, but I think it changed everything. I don’t exactly know how to put it, but I was always looking for male approval. I was always seeking attention from males, and it hardly made me promiscuous but when I was in my teens I always wanted to have a boyfriend.

Post # 9
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My dad moved out on my 17th birthday (yeah, he’s a jerk.. he’d planned on moving out for a while and chose that day), I was upset for a long time even though I honestly never liked my dad and new the relationship was over for a long time before that. I’m fine with it now, I talk to and see my dad occasionally, he’s coming to the wedding but I’m walking myself down the aisle. I don’t think its really affected my relationship with my fiance, to be honest. Maybe I was hesitant to trust at first but nothing anymore.

Post # 10
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My parents got divorcce when I was about 18 months old.  They got divorced because my dad cheated and married the other woman.  This made for lots of trust issues for me and that I thought that no man could ever be faithful.  I am happy that I have found FH and that changed. 

However, I also want to add that my mom remarried A LOT when I was growing up and that also gave me a bitter taste for weddings.  I had thought that I would never get married because no one would want to be with me FOR LIFE!  I didn’t want to be married for a year or two.  I think of our wedding as a life long thing.  However, if something happens and it doesn’t work out I do not see that I will ever re marry due to my up bringing and the fact that I don’t think my mom gave me a great example. 

Post # 11
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It made me wary of making a mistake.  It took me 6 years to be ready to be engaged (my Fiance was ready at least 3 years before that, poor guy). But ultimately I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I feel much more secure knowing that we’ve seen each other through thick and thin.

Post # 12
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

My parents aren’t technically divorced (bio dad won’t sign the papers) but they have been separated for like 15 years (I was 10). Their marriage was on the rocks for as long as I can remember so even though we were all living under the same roof, they weren’t really “together”. 

Soon after they separated, my mom and I moved to be closer to the rest of our family and she met a great guy who I refer to as my dad. They’ve been dating for more than 10 years and he is my father, whether its biological or not. I think my situation is different than most kids of divorce because I have a father figure who is more important to me than the real one. 

Divorce hasn’t affected my attitude on relationships at all. My relationship with Fiance isn’t like my parents relationship. We’re all different people so just because their marriage didn’t work out does not mean that ours will follow suit. I’m not too concerned. =)

Post # 13
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I was 6 and it happened over night.  Literally.  It was horrible.  My mom left my dad for someone else from her past, and he was abusive to say the least.  It was hell.  I never thought I would get married.

But now I am married and it is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me.  i do think my mother’s dependence on men made me dependent throughout my growing.

Post # 14
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have mixed feelings on this… My parents divorced when I was 10 or 11. For a while I really understood that it was the best thing that could happen for our family. It took away all of the stress in our house and created a more relaxed atmosphere by eliminating all of the fighting (and my dad’s alcoholic issues). Then as a teenager when my relationship with my dad got even worse I feel like I started having some major self esteem issues due to their divorce. I went through years of my life feeling like I would never have a healthy relationship because if my dad couldn’t love me enough to stay in my life how could I expect any other guy to… My brother also has huge commitment issues and though he’s been with his girlfriend for over 10  years he says he’ll never marry her or any other female and probably never will have any children because he doesn’t want to put his kids through what we went through when they seperated. DH’s parents on the other hand have been married for 36 years and are absolutely miserable and it seems like the whole family would be better off if they seperated. I guess when it comes down to it I’m not sure what does more damage to children- going through a divorce or seeing your parents constantly unhappy and fighting…

Post # 15
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was 19 when it went down (or started, it actually took over a year), but my siblings were all in high school or middle school. I’d always made up for my father’s lack of parenting anyway, but I felt even more responsible for my siblings. I know it has made me wearier of some things Mr.ND may do, but I recognize that some things are just things that all people do, and some are things that my father did (he’s a very disrespectful and controlling person, we don’t speak to each other). I’m very glad that my fiance realizes that my sensitivity to certain statements or actions is due to my family history, and he and I work on addressing that and getting past it. I recognize that some things just bug me extra since they remind me of my father, and Fiance works to avoid things he knows would just bother me that little bit extra.

Mr.ND was with me and my family through the whole thing, so he’s been a great support and role model for my brothers especially. I also see its effect on my siblings since they had to deal with visitation for a while, but we have all bonded even more than we already were, and now that they do not have to go for visitation it’s much better for their health. I think it’s made me more appreciative of my fiance and what a good man he is, and more open to discussing issues in our relationship and why things bother us. It also has made me more protective of my family.

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