(Closed) Children! To invite or not to invite! And where do you draw the line?!?!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m doing what some others have said… we are only allowing children that are family.  I have several young cousins that I couldn’t imagine not being at my wedding but at the same time I don’t care to have the child of one of FI’s coworkers that I’ve never even met.

Post # 18
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We put on our website- that it was an adults only/18 and over event due to the City of Chicago’s liquor laws ๐Ÿ™‚

 

is that true, i don’t know, but it sounded like it. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

in the invite we’re going to put it on the RSVP card,

 

Please note this is an Adult-Only event. We have referrals for several sitting services in the city if you so choose to bring children with you for your stay

 

anyone with kids knows me and knows i am not down with kids at my wedding, I don’t hate kids either, just not at weddings.

 

the only exception for us is the my Future Brother-In-Law, he has a soon to be 2 year old (when we marry) and she can just hang out….and we’re unsure if they can even travel that far as rumor has it she may be with number 2~!

Post # 19
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Totally up to you!

I decided my neice, the new nephew/niece (will be one year old at my wedding September next year), and a few cousins who I actually like. Other cousins and friends children have been left off the list.

My parents got a little bit upset and said “but what if so and so is offended?”. My response “I don’t care. This is a wedding, not a family amusement park.”

We actually have a close family friend who is upset that her teenage son isn’t invited (and why not his little girlfriend too so he has someone to talk to?). Why not? Because in his entire life I’ve heard all of six words from him “Hi” – “How” – “are” – “you” – “Good” -Thanks”. After this, he plugs himself into his iPod and acts like a typical teenager despite my best attempts to talk with him – NOT WELCOME AT MY WEDDING!!

Just whatever you do, STICK TO IT, don’t let others bully/guilt trip you because this is YOUR DAY.

Post # 20
Member
1176 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We’re inviting children. I think the creche idea is actually nice, but it wasn’t clear to me exactly what your FIs objection was – is it the cost?

It’s entirely up to you to invite them or not, but you have to be fair and consistent – don’t tell some people it’s an adults-only wedding and then have them arrive to see other people’s children were invited. 

Post # 21
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you do decide to have an Adults Only Reception… then there are a couple of routes you can take

REMEMBER the key thing here is to draw a line and be consistent with it.

Examples…

1- Only Invite those children who have been part of the Wedding Party (Flower Girl, Ring Bearer etc)

2- Only Invite children above a certain age (12, 14, 16, the choice is yours)

3- Only Invite children who fit into a particular distance from you by relationship (ie Nieces, Nephews, First Cousins… so no 2nds or 3rds etc)

Then at the actually Reception you have options as well.

Whomever you Invite gets to stay for the whole event.

OR you provide babysitting services after the Dinner hour.

As others have said, the choice is yours.  You just sit down and work it out… a lot of Brides claim making the decision gets easier once they see HOW MUCH their overall Wedding Reception will cost per person (factoring in Food, Decor, etc)

Many have said it gets more difficult to admit kiddies when you are looking at anywhere from $ 50 to $ 200+ per person costs !!

And that is also a very good way to sell Immediate Family Members on it as well (like your Parents)… as Money does talk and is something that most people understand.

Low end 10 kids x $ 50 = $ 500

High end 10 kids x $ 200+ = $ 2000+

Lol… No kids = Savings are Significant !!

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 22
Member
7270 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

We drew the line at “no kids”…period. I don’t make excuses for it, I just don’t like kids at weddings. As a wedding photographer, I’m probably a little jaded on the issue since I go to way more weddings each year than the average person does. It’s not that kids are “bad” at weddings, but they’re kids. Most all weddings I’m at the parents are in no way watching their kids and the spend the evening running around, bumping into people, and getting in the way of important shots. I’m not sure why parents think it’s cute that their kids are standing next to the couple during the cake cutting or running onto the dance floor during the first dance?

We decided not to make a cutoff, because there’s no easy way to do it. If you make the limit 13, well then how do you tell someone their 14 year old can come, but their 12 year old can’t? Same goes for every other age of cutoff.

Our friends were awesome about it. They regularly use sitters for their kids, and were excited about a night out alone. The only people we got some resistance on were a couple of family members but we didn’t budge. Like my cousin for example, who planned to bring his kids to the ceremony but send them with his mom for the reception. Ummm…if I recall back when you got married (when I was a kid) I wasn’t even invited either? I *KNOW* I was not at his wedding. 

Money certinaly played a factor, it just wasn’t THE most important factor. We wanted our friends there, and I was not about to sacrifice our friends for the children of distant family we never see.

Post # 23
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

This is tough. I can’t stand children at social events so we have a strict no kid rule. We don’t have many in the family anyway but we did find 2 babysitters (guests are paying) for the 2 families who INSIST on traveling with their kids. Like, why?!!!! It’s a formal event, leave your 6 month old baby at home.

Post # 24
Member
2780 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Rdickson90:  If there is no issue for money or space, then why are you so inclined to exclude the children of some relatives? Keep in mind that those children are relatives themselves.

If spacing and money is an issue, then leave it at immediate family children (nieces and nephews and children first cousins.) 

Post # 25
Member
2780 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@lealorali:  You expect people to travel to another city and not bring their children? That’s absurd. If they are traveling for your wedding then provide them with a list of reliable babysitters for during your party, but don’t expect them to leave a 6 month old who still consumes and requires breast milk or formula, to be left at home for days on end with someone.

Post # 26
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

View original reply
@PugsandUnicorns:  Brilliant idea! I’ve been struggling with the idea of children running around my wedding. Fiance and I are in our twenties so 70% of the guests will be enjoying the open bar!

Post # 27
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Don’t invite unless they are IN the wedding.

Post # 28
Member
34 posts
Newbee

We are inviting kids because they are members of our family and our friends’ families. Children are people too. ๐Ÿ™‚ we offer having dancing and alcohol so we are also offering on-site babysitting (in a room of the venue that is off the main venue but close enough that parents can check in on their kids). If the kids want to dance, we say the more the merrier! I think that seeing kids dance at receptions is fun. I also think it’s rude to invite the kids of some guests but not the kids of others– how would that make you feel if you were told your kid couldn’t come but then got to the event and all these kids were there? 

I’m pregnant and very family-oriented but some of these comments about kids offend me and I wouldn’t be friends with people who had that attitude. Families are the foundation of our society and some of you talk as if kids are just a nuisance and a bother. Oh well to each her own I guess. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

 

Post # 29
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
@starfish0116:  I think you made the best points! Thank you for your post, I’m currently trying to decide on kids, no kids as well and I think you made my decision for me! There is so much gray area I thought of having kids over 15 but then how do I tell a family member you can bring one kid but not the other. My venue has no kids price therefore, I can’t justify paying $100 per child, sorry! There is no kids room either, I thought of setting up a baby sitter for the night at the in laws house or something but then someone said I shouldn’t go out of my way like that. if they can’t or don’t want to find their own baby sitter then they shouldn’t come, it’s not my responsibility. 

I think I’m just going to have to be strong on my decision, no exceptions. Sorry no children because we can’t afford them. And if that means some people don’t come to our wedding because of childcare then so be it. 

Post # 30
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee

The only child allowed at our wedding, is my niece, because she’s the flower girl, also because she and my sister will be flying in from Canada (to NY). Otherwise, NO kids, no one under age 18 at all.

 

I don’t want to hear kids screaming/whinning/talking/crying during me and my FI’s vows during the ceremony. And during the reception, I want adults to be adults and be able to relax and drink and not run after their little brats.

 

Post # 31
Member
7270 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@elysej85:  We got married in a gated waterfront marina community, and many of our Out of Town guests rented homes in there (it’s a huge resort vacation place). We actually origionally planned to pay for a babysitter and pizza to be set up at one of the houses, but the only guests who would have been bringing kids (DH’s side of the family) – most of them RSVPed no so it wasn’t worth it. We only had one family bring kids, and I provided them with the name of a babysitter, who they hired and everything went great.

 

Honestly, stick to your guns. If you want no kids, go with it. I do not regret it in any way, shape or form. I photographed a wedding about 3 weeks ago that had, hands down, the worst behaved kids in attendance. I would go to the mat that they were probably the worst behaved kids at a wedding I’ve had in my entire carear. It was THAT bad. The mom had to drag all three of her kids (plus dad, who was in charge of watching them) out of the church where we could continue to hear them scream in the parking lot. Not kidding. Of course she waited until the very end to do it, and by that point it was a waste – everyone had already missed hearing the entire ceremony.

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