Post # 1
Long time lurker, first time poster.
I’ve noticed on this board that leaving kids out of weddings/receptions is accepted or defended. Yet if a SO (boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse) is not invited, it is considered very rude.
Why is it okay to leave out children who are fully dependent on their parents and part of their family unit? I see the term social unit being thrown around a lot for adult couples. I guess I don’t understand why two independent adults have the right to be together but the dependent children are fine to be separated.
I’m not looking down on anyone who is having a child-free wedding. Your wedding, you can do as you wish I’m just trying to understand this concept.
Post # 2
Some people want the wedding to be an adult affair, and kids disrupt that atmosphere. Also, some caterers have very expensive food for the kids, which may not be worth it to the couple. We had kids at our wedding though, and it was fun.
Post # 3
Children do not have to do every single thing their parents do. They can enjoy being a child, then go to cocktails, dinner and dancing when they are older.
Post # 4
Listen, I went to a few weddings as a kid. I mostly just clung to my parents and hoped for wedding cake at the end of everything. Given, I wasn’t the type to run around or anything, but the last wedding I went to if there would have been children running around making a fuss, it would have been a hot mess.
Post # 5
I don’t get it either, OP. I understand that some people want an adult only affair, but I have never been to a wedding that was ruined by kids attending. I actually didn’t have any kids at my wedding but not by choice. They were invited, but the families couldn’t make it.
To each their own and if a couple wants to have an adult only wedding, thats awesome. I just don’t understand the mentality of a child (one the couple might actually know and be related to even) not being able to be there but a complete stranger the couple has never met is ok. I know, bees, I hear you about the hosts being concerned about the guests being happy and having someone with them….I’m saying I’d rather pay for a child to be there than a complete stranger. Just my opinion though.
Post # 6
I have a huge family (75 first cousins on on side alone- not icluding any spouses or anything!). On this side of the family weddings are really the only time we all get together. I have been to at least 50 weddings because of this. I loved going to weddings growing up because there was always people to see. However, these weddings were also planned with kids being there in mind.
I have a family member on the other side who wanted a small, fancy wedding in an expensive mansion. It was a beautiful wedding, and although kids were invited, it was certainly not a child friendly venue, the food wasn’t kid friendly either. My cousins and I left early so that we could go to the hotel and swim.
Therefore, I think it truly depnds on the overall vision of the wedding.
Post # 7
I personally feel that kids don’t even really enjoy that wedding atmosphere …they want to run around, play and be kids so many of us just don’t want children running around, crying or acting up. For me, a primary concern is that I want the parents to enjoy the evening and if they’re watching over kids it’s not quite the same. Every time there’s an event with small kids around in my family the parents are stuck chasing after them or they just let them roam free which is not cool or they force them to sit still so the kids are complaining all night that they are “bored.”
Also, cost is a concern if you’re paying full price or close to full price for a kid who obviously isn’t drinking and would much rather have nuggets and fries over filet mignon.
Post # 8
I think it’s about atmosphere. I had kids at my wedding (a whopping 3) but it was casual and two of the kids were almost never around – their mom took them to stay with their in-laws for most of it so she could have some down time. But if you’re having a black tie wedding, or planning on getting rip-roaring drunk, it’s just not appropriate to have kids around, spilling things (yeah I know adults spill too), crying, asking mommy why daddy is grinding someone else (facetious… I really hope not!). They get worn out and their parents take them home and boom, party is over for everyone. I can definitely see where there are people who wouldn’t want that to happen.
A social unit is a couple. Kids are an add-on bonus. Yes they’re family but like a rated R movie, some events are not kid-centric or kid-appropriate. Also some people just can’t stand kids, even if the rest of us find that weird.
Post # 9
Thank you all for your insights! The atmosphere and restless children makes sense.
I’ve mostly been to large family reunion style weddings like Swebs14 mentioned that were buffet style, so kids ate the same thing as adults, or skipped whatever they didn’t want. The one seated meal, I heard from the host that the kid meals were basically an adult meal split into two for kids.
There was a thread on here a while ago about a guest being upset she was not given a plus one. Majority on that board agreed that it was completely out of line that she was not given that plus one. Some people were ready to end their long term friendships if they did not get a plus one. That is what sparked my curiousity about why so few defend children.
I have the same mind set as you that I’d make more of an effort to invite a niece or child I actually know versus a stranger I’ve never met. Of course all guests should have someone they know, but if I know a group of friends are all coming together, I won’t feel as obligated to give a plus one for a stranger to come. SO are a different story.
Post # 10
I don’t really think a child vs and SO is the same thing… Just because something is appropriate or enjoyable for man adult doesn’t mean it is for a child, but your SO is also an adult and can do the same things you can. They’re not comparable.
Post # 11
The thing about partners, is that weddings are all about celebrating a relationship. Inviting a person and not their partner is a bit like saying, “I don’t recognise your relationship, please come and celebrate mine!
A better child analogy would be if you invited friends or relatives to your child’s birthday party, but told them to leave their children at home.
Post # 12
I have a venue that will charge me $110 per head for children, and will more than double the invite list if I invite them all. We are also having the reception right on the river and there are no fenced off areas for the kids. also the only place parents could put toys and things for the kids would be outside as we will be pushed for space. There will be a lot of alcohol and I just don’t see any of that being appropriate for kids. I also feel (selfishly) that I would have to sacrifice the above if I invited them…
One other thing is I am providing buses to and from my (rural) venue back to the main town, and the first bus leaves at 11pm. Pretty late for kids…
Post # 13
Some people simply don’t want children at their wedding. Children need a lot more attention than adults and you need to take safety into account as well.
Post # 14
Weddings generally go to midnight and most kids bedtime is around 7-8, right about when the reception kicks off so it means either the parents have to go home early to put the kids down or someone has to come pick the kids up. Either way seems like a lot of hassle, especially because the children don’t really know what’s going on anyway.
Post # 15
I completely agree that I would rather have a child I love than a stranger at my wedding, so honestly if I don’t know someone’s significant other, they aren’t invited unless they have been dating over a year, are married, or have kids together. I’m so excited to have kids at my wedding, weddings are about bringing families together! My own two kids will be at my wedding.
And to all the people who say that kids don’t have fun at wedding, the majority of the weddingIve been to in my life I was prepubescent, I think the youngest being 4 or 5. I had a blast! Wedding are lots of fun for kids. Most kids love to dance and run around on the dancefloor with all the lights and music. I remember bubbles being a huge hit at wedding when I was little. I was 8 when my dad and stepmom got married at a campground, and they had bubble machines which were the coolest thing ever as a kid!
I do understand why kids wouldn’t fit into some people’s wedding vision though. Fancy, formal, black tie does not mix with crazy, fun kids.