Post # 1
I’m tempted to incorporate the chinese tea ceremony into our ceremony.
By “incorporating” I mean more of a gesture than anything, as in we will only be bowing when we serve tea (i.e. no kneeling) and we would only serve tea to the parents on both sides.
Is this too….half-assed (for the lack of a better term ha!)? Did you kneel during your tea ceremony?
Post # 3
yes, I am planning to kneel. I think if we’re going to incorporate the tradition, why not do it right?!
Post # 4
every chinese wedding I’ve been to they’ve kneeled.
Actually if you don’t, the older generation may be offended.
I have a silly story to tell, my younger brother got married before me. So as the older sister, even though i was still single, I was part of the contingent that was served tea.
Everyone got to sit down and get tea served to them. I had prepared a really ‘fat’ red packet. Since I was the youngest, I was the last to be served.
then my aunt said..don’t kneel infront of her, she’s young. I actually felt very insulted at that.
I’m going to have a short tea ceremony the day before the wedding and I will be kneeling.
Post # 5
Hmm interesting….my family is not very traditional; we won’t have any grand parents there, just the parents. His family isn’t Asian so they could care less. I just find the whole thing so awkward if we have to kneel…but maybe I need to re-think that :
Post # 6
I think you should do what seems best for you. We are having a chinese tea ceremony for our wedding and will be kneeling too but I won’t be wearing a kwa because I think it seems silly to rent an outfit I’ll only be wearing for 10 minutes.
Your groom’s parents might think it’s a nice tradition. I’m planning on telling my FI’s mother at that point how happy I am to have her as my new mother in law and to join her family. We might not get another intimate moment on my wedding day.
Post # 7
I think you need to discuss with your parents and grandparents. You don’t want to offend them. I am not Chinese, but I married a Chinese man and I let this aspect of the wedding be dictated by his family, it just means more to them then it does to us.
Post # 8
We kneeled for ours. My mom just put two pillows on the floor.
Post # 9
We did not kneel. My family actually suggested that we didn’t.
Post # 10
@saltandpepper: each family’s different, but my aunt got married in 1996 (in her mid 20s, mothers little sister) and she did not kneel. My cousin married in 2011 (in his 20s, paternal side) did not kneel either. My family is possibly less traditional but I believe that you can just bow if your family is okay with that.
Post # 11
I knelt. But I made sure I got cushions so that our knees wouldn’t hurt. My in laws told us that we had to kneel for our parents, but we could stand for everyone else (siblings, aunts and uncles).
Post # 12
I guess it depends on what’s the accepted norm in your family. We didn’t kneel, no one in our family ever did. But at some of my friends’ ceremonies, they did.
Post # 13
apparently you only kneel tho those who are older.
Post # 14
Since the person you are serving tea to is sitting down, I think kneeling would be the proper thing to do..just make sure there are cushions so you’re not kneeling on the floor..it also makes it easier to get up. But like everyone said, it really depends on the family. This is def something to be discussed prior to the wedding. And also, I little pet peeve of mine, when you offer the tea to your parents/grandparents or whomever..make sure you hold the teacup/saucer with both hands. It’s an etiquette thing =)
Post # 15
We have to kneel. My mom will make damn sure if it. She’s got fancy pillow cases ready and everything. T_T
Post # 16
Knelt only for my parents and future in-laws. Stayed on my feet for aunts and uncles.