Post # 1
My fiance is American-born Taiwanese and we’ve been running into trouble in the design department. While we’ve compromised on some things (cream dress ok, white flowers no), we keep running into trouble when it comes to paper. Our save the dates and invites are a dark blue with white ink and an outer white cut-out, but it didn’t occur to us to ask if this was ok until now, a month before they need to go out. Thoughts?
Post # 2
Blue and white are traditional colour of mourning for Chinese so expect some resistance from his parents if they are superstitious.
i am DIYing my invites and I’m going to need to make them into two colour schemes based on our family’s request.
Family and relatives: red/cream
Friends: silver white and purple
Post # 3
Orientalla: Thanks so much! This really helps!
Post # 4
Orientalla is correct, the white and blue will definitely raise a couple eyebrows and may even ruffle a couple of the older generations’ feathers.
If you do make separate family/relative invitations, try your best to put as much RED as possible. The color red signifies love, prosperity and happiness. It’s also known to be ‘lucky’ too. Plus you can probably get bonus points for throwing in gold as much as possible if you can. It may seem gaudy this way, but if you have an accent of a fleur here or there, I’m sure it will work in helping to appease their expectations. Also, if you go this route, try your best to put them in pure red envelopes too.
All the best Bee!
Post # 5
fluffykaiju: Thanks a bunch, haha! I read this aloud to my fiance and he said he thoroughly approves! The only trick now will be separating him from whatever gold ink gel pens we find
Post # 6
You’re so welcome!!! I’m glad you have been able to catch this before it was too late.
So I’m not sure what yoru time line looks like, or how close your relationship is with his family. But a nice way to stroke their egos is to ask for their advice or preference on style of invitation. You don’t have to let them call all the shots either. If I were you, i would make 2-3 invitations that you and your FH are happy with, and you could ask them which one is their preference. So it’s still a controlled situation of asking them “What do you prefer”? Then you don’t have to feel like you’re doing this all alone, and you might have a nice bonding experience too.
Also, since invitations have come up, have you discussed the Cheong Sam? I’m not sure how old school they are, but do they expect you to wear The red traditional silk dress? What my older sisters did was they had the traditional white wedding dress on for the whole ceremoney, then halfway through dinner they changed into their Cheong Sam. Both of my sisters did it right before they started doing the traditional “hard liquor cheers” where they go from table to table carrying expensive hard liquor and the bride, groom, and both sets of parents go from table to table pouring shots with every table and posing for group pics. The photos from both their weddings look great with the bride in the Cheong Sam with tables of family and friends. I will probably do something like this and my Fiance has cuban and italian on his side of the family. And both my Brother in laws are from the east coast and have Irish backgrounds and the photos look awesome. The red silk fabric photographs really amazingly.
I also had a cousin who wore her Cheong Sam during the traditional tea ceremony before the traditional church ceremony with the big white dress. She wanted to get it out of the way. She also wore the red cheong sam during their rehearsal dinner the night before, she got some heat from our Great Aunt who thought it was bad to wear the cheong sam before she was ‘officially a married woman.’ She took it like a champ and just shrugged it off, you can’t please everyone.
I guess my point is, everyone’s family has varying degrees of “TRADITIONAL” expectations. GL Bee!
Post # 7
We’re fairly close to them, but they tend to do their own thing and haven’t been very involved in the process (other than being happy that they don’t have to pay since FH is marrying a white girl). I asked about the date being acceptable earlier when booking the venue (I consulted an online calendar and found a date that was both auspicious for a wedding and a particularly good day for him- both element and sign), but I got no answer back so I just booked it. Haven’t really consulted since then, but I think talking to his mom alone might bring her out of her shell a bit more.
Unfortunately, we can’t do the baiju because of restrictions the venue has about liquor, but FH doesn’t seem to mind that (I was in talks with the venue about that he told me to knock off – he says we can just sip something else alcoholic because he honestly hates it).
We haven’t discussed the cheong sam, but I had been planning to wear a red dress to the rehearsal dinner like your cousin did. Since there are only a handful of his side expected, and since his parents have always said that you follow the traditions of the country you live in, we aren’t going super old school with this. My mom thinks it would be weird and maybe inappropriate to go with something too traditionally Chinese, but I think you’re right and I should really talk to his mother about it.
Your sisters’ weddings sound amazing, and so do the pictures! The red silk sounds breathtaking! (Also sounds like some cute hapa babies in the future in your family!) Are you planning for a tea ceremony? Will you be doing the bridesmaid/groomsmen games the morning of? Do you plan on wearing both red and white or are you planning on going hardcore and wearing like 3-4 dresses?
Thanks again! The stories really help me put things in perspective 🙂
Post # 8
I wouldn’t worried too much if his family have lived in us for a while. In my experience, it has been okay to use the white with other colors. Unless they are very very traditional.
If it is a absolutely must, I suggest to make a different red/gold color combo design for his family and relatives. I have seen couples design two different invitations. One to satisfy his parents needs and another one to satisfy the couple’ s need.
please let me know if you have more question regarding to these traditions I am willing to help out!
Post # 9
catlady01: Thanks a bunch!!
Post # 10
My in-laws are from Vietnam and they usually do not like white either for superstitious reasons. They once told us to replace our white rose bushes with pink or red flowers! Because of this, I was a little surprised they didn’t say anything about our wedding flowers being pink and white. I never thought about the color of our invitations (white, pink, and black) bothering them, and I think my in-laws actually liked them. The white was somehow never an issue. I ended up being shocked that my mother in law wore a solid ivory suit to the wedding (it looked white in photos). I never expected that at all! If they thought all of this was fine, your FI’s family might not mind a little white on your invitations. If you aren’t sure, just ask to avoid any issues.
Post # 11
catlady01: That’s so interesting that with your family, the ones who have lived in the US for a while are less traditional!
My Mother and her sisters were all born here in North America, which is kind of a rarity considering they’re all pushing 50s and 60s and I find in my family, they are the ones who are very traditional when it comes to ceremonies and celebrations. They still have moments of non traditional substitutions, but I can see that it really means something to them, they really make an effort to try to follow the books when it comes to traditional stuff.
In turn, in my family atleast, it’s the aunts/uncles/cousins that were born in Asia that are more relaxed with embracing a new school way of things. Like they are excited to go the NA way lol.
I guess every family out there has their own level of traditional ways.
Post # 12
lemurplease: omg THE GAMES in the morning to win the bride!!! I totally forgot about that until you brought that up! THAT WAS A HOOT! Those were sooooo goood bwhahahaha. I’m so glad you brought up the games because I might have forgotten, I will totally be doing that! Will you guys be doing the games in the morning to win the bride?!
I think that sounds very cool about the red dress for the rehearsal dinner. I don’t think it would be weird if you wore a full out traditional dress. You could even wear a cute one that goes to the knees instead of floor length if you think it’s too formal for your rehearsal dinner. My Mom always says there’s no other chance in your life to wear a red cheong sam than for your own wedding. It sounds like a solid plan if you ask your future Mother-In-Law 🙂
My oldest sister wore a traditional cheong sam with the button high collar and everything, it had a sequined phoenix on the front too. It was so sparkly and epic. It was handed down from our Aunt when she got married. My middle sister wore a full length strapless dress that was made out of the traditional red silk, it looked really cool since the structure of her dress was very modern. It looked so sleek and chic.
I’m pretty sure I’ll just stick to my Sottero gown during the ceremony and then for the 2nd half I’ll switch into a Cheong Sam or something with that kind of flair. I definitely want an epic high slit for fun. Why not?!
I’ll probably borrow the way my sisters did their mornings
-make up early in the morning
-morning games and photos
-tea ceremonies with the parents and grandparents
-more photos with family
-have a nice luncheon with “lucky” meat/foods lol
– Then head out to the ceremony
I’m not planning on doing the 3-4 dresses in one day. However, my girlfriend who taught in Korea for a few years, she’s totally sold me on the idea of Korean wedding photo shoots, where you get like 20 different backgrounds and you wear a bunch of different wedding gowns and make a day or weekend out of bridal photos in so many different looks. I’m seriously putting that into our budget lmao. My Fiance thinks I’m nuts, but happy wife happy life right?
OMG don’t get me started on hapa babies!!! All my nieces have such beautiful eyelashes, it’s so pretty how volumous, curled and lengthy they are! I joke with my Fiance that if our kids don’t have his eyelashes… I’m sending them back !!! bwhahaha!