(Closed) Choose your BMs too soon & regret it?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

YEP.  I was all excited and jumped the gun.

Even when you think there is NO way some friendships will change over the course of a year – the unexpected things in life just can’t be predicted.

After a very uncomfortable but very necessary conversation, the friend and I mutually agreed that she would not be a bridesmaid.

In the end, on the wedding day,  you won’t be thinking about it, but it does suck dealing with it in the mean time. 

Post # 4
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I was torn between who I should pick as my maid of honor and now sometimes I do wish I had picked the Bridesmaid or Best Man who is way more excited and involved than my Maid/Matron of Honor, but we had talked about her being my Maid/Matron of Honor for years and I didn’t feel like I could tell her that she wasn’t.

Post # 5
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I did with one girl. I do love her, but we rarely stay in touch (i moved a few hours away). I had my 5 girls lined up in my head and she was one of them. She was a newer friend and we hit it off great. As the big day gets closer, I wished I had picked two of my best friends (they are sisters) instead. That would have brought my number to 6 and matched FI’s 6. Sigh!

Post # 6
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Future Mrs. W:  Same here… I’m happy either way but I can’t help but worry that I made the wrong Maid/Matron of Honor choice!

I’ve already asked my Maid/Matron of Honor and 1 of my BMs directly (I’m having 5 total, including MOH). I’ve also been talking to another Bridesmaid or Best Man about it (it’s an unspoken given that she’ll be a Bridesmaid or Best Man but I haven’t officially “asked” her – we do talk about wedding/bridal party stuff though – hard to explain I guess).

As for the rest, I’m kind of waiting as long as I can. We’ve already been engaged 6 months, and the wedding is next summer.

I just worry that if I wait too long, they’ll start to get offended or worry that I’m not going to ask them? I don’t know. So I’m kind of slowly and discreetly going one at a time (they all live in different parts of the country and many of them don’t know each other). I’m excited to get the ball rolling and start all the group e-mails and planning (dress talk Smile) but I don’t want to jump the gun and feel like I made the wrong decision, especially since the wedding is so far away. You never know when a friend is going to drift away in a year’s time, and then things could be a little awkward.

So, I definitely didn’t help you at all! I’m a confused mess myself!

Post # 7
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I chose my sisters as BMs and well, neither one of them are entirely helpful. And, I haven’t even had my bridezilla moment!  lol  Neither one of them has any wedding planning experience and they’ve been too busy with their own agendas to even ask me, “Hey, do you need help on anything?”  I decided to let it go.


Post # 8
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Im SO SO glad I picked mine early. My step sister (one of my BM) planned to get pregnant less than a year away from my wedding. Now I have plenty of time to find a new one. 🙂 good luck

Post # 9
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I jumped the gun so to speak, but I don’t regret any of it. I think part of that is because I have so very few CLOSE friends that it was a no brainer who would be in my wedding party. We’d all been friends since highschool and our friendships have only gotten closer with age. But I do understand why brides are told to wait to choose.

Post # 10
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I jumped the gun… Wish I hadn’t!

I had a hard conversation with one of my BMs and we mutually decided that we would be better off to work on our friendship. Things have been MUCH better since then! And no I didn’t lose her as a friend. 🙂

I’m having Maid/Matron of Honor regret too, but she is my cousin so it’s a sticky situation. I’ve had multiple conversations with her… I’m at a loss and think I’m just going to deal with it, not include her on other wedding related things and just keep her in the loop on a need to know basis.

I have a couple BMs who have just been amazing! And they are the ones I waited to ask…

Hindsight 20/20…

Post # 11
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

It wasn’t really a big deal for me, because the people I’ve asked have been the ones in my life for 8+ years. My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor, and my cousin, three best friends, and 1 close friend are all BMs. I have almost two years to go until my wedding, but I was excited and I’ll need my BMs’ help to plan this thing from across the country. I’m considering asking another girl who I’m close to, but I think I’ll wait on her because we’ve only known each other for a year.

Ultimately, if things get rocky, you can just talk to the girl and decide if it’s a good idea for her to  continue being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I can’t imagine that someone would refuse to step down…besides, if there’s mutual hard feelings, it should be fairly easy to come to that decision.

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