(Closed) Choosing a BM because I HAVE to?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Any family you could ask?

Post # 4
2980 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t think you need to put any pressure on yourself to have a wedding party.  Especially of a certain number, and certainly not this far out.  Here are some suggestions;

1. No wedding party, at least not standing with you.  He can ask his three best guys to escort people to their seats, making them technically ushers, and give them all the responsibilites of groomsmen, just not standing up there.  It can be just you and him at the front of the church.

2. If you don’t have girl freinds, but have guy friends instead, you can ask guy friends.  Or have two girls and one guy on your side.  Gender specific requirements are changing on this.

3. You can wait, a long time, and pick out people closer to the wedding if there is someone you grow close to.  Your wedding is a year and 5 months away.  Your life can change a lot in that time. 

Post # 6
2980 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Most people say 6 months out, I prefer 9 on a normal basis, and 12 if you are having a DW wedding.    The 6 months as that is about as close to your wedding you can ask someone and go dress shoping/get dresses ordered in time.  My preference for 9 months is based on me wanting to save money for the BM dress/shower/Bachelorett party.  12 months for DW so I can stalk flight prices for the best deal.

You will see a lot of BM drama on the boards, and you will notice a lot of it starting with “I asked girl to be my BM the moment we got engaged 3 years ago.”  The less time you allow for drama to happen, the less drama that CAN happen. 

If you want to snag your FI’s guy, I would make sure to talk to him about it. 

If you are close to your cousins, you can pick your cousins.  You don’t have to be someone you see and talk to every day.  My MOH is my college roommate.  I don’t see her often as we live in seperate states, but she is still awesome to hang out with, and this is a good excuse to talk with her and gush over details.

Post # 7
8122 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Haruyou:  Why not just have uneven sides? We had 1 BM and 2 GM’s and I think it looked fine. ANd there are a lot of recap pictures on this site with uneven bridal parties and their photos are all beautiful as well. In fact I don’t even notice if there are uneven sides.


Post # 8
2144 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m in a similiar spot, I have several friends who I used to be close to, but now rarely see, and new friends who I’ve only known a short time and proabably won’t be close to after college… but no one who really feels like the kind of friend who should be a bridesmaid. FI has 3 lifelong best friends who are the obvious choice to stand up with him. The only person I can think of who I’d want in my bridal party is my brother, so I think we’ll just have to be uneven. 1 and 3 doesn’t bother me as much as 0 and 3 would though. I’d wait a while, since you’ve got till 2015, and see if any new friendships blossom, that’s sort of what I’m doing now.

Post # 9
471 posts
Helper bee

@Haruyou:  then don’t have a MOH 🙂

I don’t think I’m having a bestMAN, but a bestWOMAN or groomsWOMAN. none of my really good friends are men, they’ve been women. So I’m probably gonna have a couple guys and girls on my side.

But don’t feel pressure to find a person to fill that MOH role. My gf will be in the same position. she has a friend who they were really close, but the friend just made really bad decisions after they all left for college. she doesn’t think they are as close as they were but she’s still gonna be a bridesmaid,

Post # 10
1869 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Haruyou:  My fiance has 6 guys on his side, I have 3. I didn’t care about uneven sides. I didn’t want to ask anyone just to be a “filler”. Quality, not quantity. Since your fiance is only looking to have 3 guys, if you had 1 person on your side, I think it would be totally fine. Don’t sweat it to much. It’s just a bridal party. 

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