(Closed) Choosing a Date for the wedding (conflicts?!)

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Rude or okay considering the circumstances?
    Rude! : (12 votes)
    32 %
    It's fine! Don't worry about it. : (18 votes)
    49 %
    Other : (7 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1003 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    People actually get pretty bothered by it. Esp. if you have the same people going to each others weddings. And then there is the whole factor of those people being engaged before you and they picked their dates first. I think though you should do what you feel is right but be prepared for some backlash.

    Post # 4
    Member
    581 posts
    Busy bee

    I would hope that people understand that many factors go into deciding on a date (i.e. venue availability, personal schedules, financial considerations, etc.).  If your guest’s schedules are too crowded, they can decline the invitation!  There is no way to make everyone happy, so don’t make yourself crazy trying.  Best wishes!

    Post # 5
    Member
    9 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    If you both have guestlists that are primarily local, or will have guestlists that don’t overlap much at all, I don’t think you should be concerned – it’ll be a big celebration month in your circle of friends! However, it’s probably not a good idea to pick the weekend just before your friends are getting married if you think it will mean a lot of your mutual guests will end up needing to choose which wedding to attend because they have to travel and can’t do so for both.

    If you’re concerned about upsetting your friends, the best option is probably to pick the weekend AFTER an already scheduled wedding, not the weekend BEFORE it, if you can.  That said, I think sudsluver is right – people have got to understand that ANY day you pick is going to to be less than perfect for SOMEONE – birthdays, anniversaries, etc…and you can’t avoid all of these.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    It SHOULD be okay, because honestly, you get one day!

    BUT … a lot of brides would be upset about it. Especially if it’s a good friend or family member.

    Post # 7
    Member
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    If all the weddings are in the same city – then I’d have no problem with it. If your guest lists are similar, and a lot of people would have to travel, then I’d be pretty annoyed.

    Post # 8
    Member
    149 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    There are only so many dates you can choose from…especially if you had your heart set on a particular month. I don’t feel its rude knowing this is how it works for dates. I wouldn’t do it in the same weekend as friends but with in a few weeks of each other may unavoidable….

    Post # 9
    Member
    255 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    sorry, but i voted ‘rude’ because this has happened to me. our wedding is now ‘sandwiched’ between two others literally the week before and the same week as when we announced our date a month-5 months before the other couples. i was (still am) hurt by the other couples. we have a number of friends having to attend three weddings within a space of two weeks and sorry if this sounds a little selfish or bridezilla-ish, but i feel as though i’m entitled to ‘my time’ as a bride.

    anyhow, i’m chinese and so will not be attending the wedding the week before ours as the chinese believe it is terrible luck upon your own marriage to attend a wedding so close to your own, and will also miss the one in the same week as ours as we’ll be on our honeymoon. 

    EDIT: to further clarify, these couples were considered ‘very close friends’. 

    Post # 10
    Hostess
    16213 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Unfortunately, there are only so many dates in the summer on which you can get married. But for girls who have been engaged and had the date set longer, it may feel a little like you’re invading on their time as a bride. Of course, you aren’t! But every girl dreams of her time as the bride.

    It’s tough, but ultimately your wedding is about you and your Fiance and you need to do what is best for you. Friends’ weddings complicate the process.

    My suggestion would be to plan the date for whenever is best for you but then make sure to give your close girlfriends some extra attention in regards to their special days. 🙂

    Post # 11
    Member
    98 posts
    Worker bee

    I would be upset if someone chose a date around my wedding, but would be a little less upset if their wedding came after mine.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4123 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    If it’s family, I would def. say don’t plan too close together. Weddings are big expenses for families usually… plus then you don’t want to take away from the time they need going into the big day or prevent your family from being able to help you out the week or two leading up to yours.

    It again also depends on locations. Locally, not a big deal on friends. Sorority sisters etc that are spread all over and the guest lists are shared? Not a good thing. I ran into this with my own wedding, and even almost had to end up on the day a “sister” of mine was getting married. I knew that if that was the case or it was so close no one would be able to come… or they would have to choose. I chose a date about a month later…. it’s still going to be hard on a mutual bridesmaid who lives in California when we both are in VA… but it’s easier since there’s a few weeks in-between.

    Post # 13
    Member
    6597 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think it’s fine!

    Explain it to them before you announce your date and hopefully they won’t react negatively!

    Post # 14
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    If people need to travel to your wedding and the couple are good friends, it would be a poor choice.  Otherwise, as previous people said, after is better than before.

    Post # 15
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    You have to choose whatever date works best for your Fiance – there are only so many you can choose from so it won’t be perfect for anyone.

    That said, I do think that if you can do it, try to put a couple of weeks between your’s and your close friends’ weddings.  Especially if people will have to travel.  It is really hard to go to multiple wedding close together and if you give your friends a short break (even just one weekend in between) people won’t feel as forced to choose one or the other to attend.

    Obviously that is the ideal and might not be possible due to vendor availability, your program schedule, etc but I do think you should at least try to put a weekend in between your’s and your friends’ events.

    Post # 16
    Member
    875 posts
    Busy bee

    I voted other because the specific circumstances are important.  If the wedding is the week before a high school or college classmate, then it’s not as terrible.  But if it is a family member, then you need to talk with the couple specifically and see how they think.  One of my mom’s bridesmaids was in two weddings on the same day.  The brides worked it out so she got to go to both weddings.  If part of your concern is leaving time for a honeymoon, maybe you can rethink it so that you have a weekend get away and a longer honeymoon later… I live in a small town, and it’s not uncommon to have multiple weddings one week after another. 

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