(Closed) choosing a different name

posted 8 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@eseds: We were actually thinking of doing this ourselves (for about half a second, but it still came up). I’ve never known anyone to do this, but I don’t think it’s offensive or anything like that.

Post # 4
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

It’s not offensive to me at all. I think it’s nice.

(I’m not changing my name and we batted around with that idea, but in the end, it was important to both of us to keep the names we were born with. However, YOU and your kids won’t have to explain to people, “Yes, we’re all related” 🙂

Post # 5
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I did not do this, but I think it is totally awesome when people do! As I just wrote on another thread, we canned the idea because our names would sound ridiculous combined, but even if they did not I don’t think I could have convinced my husband to do it.

If anything, I am far more offended when people assume that I did change my name (I kept mine) than I would be if I heard that someone in my family created a new last name with their spouse.

Post # 6
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’ve never heard of this until your post, but I think it’s such a great idea!! Why not create a new name for your new family?!

Post # 7
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think it’s an interesting idea, but I would be prepared for some negative feedback, or at least confusion.  It’s definitely not done around here.  I think I would be confused if someone just made up new last names for themselves.

Post # 8
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

We have been considering this as well though we thought it would be pretty cool to change our name to “Awesome”, Mr. & Mrs. Awesome (partly kidding!). 

FI’s last name is difficult. It rhymes with a popular male first name so everyone always assumes thats what it is. It’s gotten to the point now where we don’t even correct people anymore. 

The last name also has no sentimental value to either Fiance or his brother since the name is that of their deadbeat, scumbag father. They are the only two people in their family (besides my Future Sister-In-Law and myself after were married) to have the last name so we certainly wouldn’t upset anyone by changing it. The only thing holding us back now is FI’s career. He’s well known in the tech world for mac and iPhone development so changing his name would seriously confuse people and could hurt his business. 

Post # 9
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

In addition to making up an entirely new last name (which I have also heard of), some people will combine the names they already have to make a new one. Some examples of this are turning Robinson and Carrington into “Robington,” for example. Some other people will combine the entirety of their two last names but without a hyphen, for example Lawson and Smith into Lawsonsmith. Sure, there are countless arguments against doing this (“No connection to the rest of your family!” “Not stable for future generations because no names get passed on!” etc etc). For people who do this, though, I imagine that having a shared family name that is equitable between spouses (i.e., not just one person changed their name) is more important to them than these negatives.

Post # 10
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I wouldn’t be offended if I heard of someone doing this, but if it was me personally my family and FI’s family would probably flip. Maybe I come from a line of traditional people, but I can just see my grandmother swooning over this progressive idea lol. If it works for your circumstances, however, then I think you should go for it! At least the two of you will have the same last name to start your new family with 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

The only people who would probably be offended would be his family.. it is probably expected that you will change your name, but your husband doing so might come as a shock to people.

I’m a huge believer in doing what you want though! if you spend your whole life worrying what other people think you’ll never truly be happy!

Post # 12
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I wouldn’t judge someone who did this, but as someone who does genealogy for a hobby I wanted to make you aware of the challenges this will pose to future generations. Once you get 3-4 generations into the future it would be very difficult for anyone to trace back the family tree, because they would be looking for the wrong name. If you do make the change I would suggest you document it as well as possible. If you have a family bible, you could record the change (as well as a description of why you made the change) there to preserve it for future generations.

Post # 13
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t think it is offensive but I personally just find it a little weird.  I’m one of those people who react with “No connection to the rest of your family!” and “Not stable for future generations because no names get passed on!” but I’m pretty traditional.  I just honestly don’t understand the logic or thought process behind choosing to do this.  I’d never even consider any other option beyond taking DH’s name because everything else just isn’t right to me.  But to each their own!

Post # 14
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I love this option.  I’ve heard of people doing it, but no one I know personally offline has.  It is something that I brought up as a possible option for us because I am totally uncomfortable with changing my name while he keeps his, but in our case we are both very attached to our given names so it got nixed quickly.

In my opinion, if anyone finds it offensive that is THEIR problem and NOT your problem.  Just like with the more traditional name choices, anyone who is offended by anyone else’s choice needs to mind their own business.

Post # 15
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I know a gay couple who did this and I didn’t think it was strange. Darling Husband adn I were actually contemplating changing our name to his REAL last name, our current name is a result of a record keeper at Ellis Island shortening it.

Post # 16
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Mrs and Mr Star did this, I think its pretty cool, and neat that you can pick your own name! my friend did this for her son – she isn’t with the father anymore, and didn’t want him to have her name, so she gave him her grandfather’s last name. The grandfather had all daughters so there was no chance of his name living on, but now there is! 

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