Post # 32
Wow, you ladies are amazing! Thanks for all of the great feedback and comments!
Yes, I agree that stability is awesome, and Guy A does have a lot of traits I’m looking for. I didn’t mean to only list negatives about Guy B, as he definitely is incredible and I feel a really strong connection to him already, both physically and emotionally. I know that I would be happy with him, but i think part of me is trying to talk myself out of him and into Guy A because he just seems to make more sense.
I think more time is definitely necessary to make a good decision, but I don’t want to lead either of them on for much longer, as it doesn’t seem fair. Both guys have told me that they don’t want to date anyone else. I’ve been super honest and upfront with both up till this point.
Thanks a lot for all the helpful advice!!
Post # 33
@Creiddylad: Thank you for your post! To answer some of your questions, it’s not that I’m not attracted to Guy A. He’s super good looking and I really enjoy being around him, but it seems like the “spark” isn’t as strong for me just yet. I don’t get the swoon feeling when we kiss. Kissing him is nice, but not overly passionate and exciting. We’re definitely connecting on a personality level really well though.
I am looking for a long term stable relationship, so trying to imagine these guys in my future has definitely crossed my mind a few times. As of right now, it’s a complete toss up.
Post # 34
I would choose Guy A. I think that you just need more time with him. I feel this way from experience because I had my own decision to make when I met my Fiance. I was dating other guys when I met him and I really didn’t want a commited relationship. Everyone would tell me that my now Fiance was perfect for me and he was a great guy and while I saw that I just kept pushing away from him. After spending more time with him and maturing as a person, it just came to me all of a sudden that he was the one I needed to be with. And let me tell you … there are still sparks.
Post # 35
@kes18: “Otherwise…which one would you be more upset to lose?”
@PaperFlowers: I don’t think you have said you know you’d be happy with Guy A, but you just said that about Guy B. Maybe I’m just reading into things too much here. . . you sound way more excited about Guy B even if he isn’t quite as stable or the sort you feel your friends would like. Whoever you choose, your friends will have to deal with him because YOU chose him, not them! 🙂
If I was in the position of those two guys, I’d be feeling pretty jealous, just like Guy B. And I’m not controlling, just a bit jealous about people I like that way. 😉 Oh, so many variables to consider!
Then again, feeling excited and passionate about someone when kissing them can cloud one’s judgement on everything else about them.
I really wonder: have you been able to feel strong physical attraction to more than one person you were dating at the same time, in the past? Maybe you can only feel passion for one person at a time?
Ugh, you are in a tough situation! Maybe if you ask them both for more time, one will get fed up and leave, and the choice will be made for you– in that case perhaps it’s fate. But despite all MY waffling, I think Guy A sounds like a better choice.
Post # 36
Am I the only one who thought “Guy B… swoon!”
From your descriptions, it sounds to me like you want to pick Guy A because he sounds better when described as a package. But you’re really more excited about Guy B. And the chemistry, that excitement… those are the things that keep a relationship going. I feel like after a few years you’ll be bored with Guy A. Maybe you’ll be happy with how the relationship iooks on paper, but you’ll always wonder what kind of excitement you’re missing out on.
Post # 37
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
@PaperFlowers: I’m going to tell you what I told my fiance when he almost left me at 6 months into our relationship. Though I am 10 years his junior I had more dating experience than him. When I met him I just knew he was the one I went from a non believer intoa believer in the one within 3 hours of meeting him.
I told him that love is not like it is in the movies. The best thing you can find is your best friend. Passion should be there but it will eb and flow but a friend underneath it all is the most important thing. To have someone to grow with in life and grow together. Love is water but you have to find the ocean not the storm.
The greatest love you will ever experience is all encompassing like the sea. Though it may have storms of passion and storms of distruction it is always there. It has high tides and low tides. However the sea is nurturing. It can quench your thirst, bath you, and feed you. Though it is rough it always calms and gives what is needed. The sea is self sustaining even through its tides and storms it will be there when you need it, it will return to its good nature to help you grow. It is through its storms, and tides that you grow closer and learn to weather through those tough moments together.
The love that you encounter that is the storm is not the love for life. That is a love that is short lived. It comes abruptly and leaves abruptly destroying in its path. The storm is deceptively beautiful, it is hypnotic. It is easy to be sucked under by the tide and swells it brings. The storm is not the sea though it is only an entity that can come with or without the sea. The storm therefor is not able to self sustain and burns out taking you with it.
The love that is like the sea is not loud it is often quiet and peaceful. If you look too hard you’ll miss its beauty, if you listen to hard you will never hear it, and if you over analyze it you’ll miss how wonderful it really is.
The sea is ever giving, though quiet. The storm is loud and beautiful but destructive. Do not miss your sea while looking for the storm.
I fully expected my now fiance would not listen to my speech about the sea and leave me. However he did listen. He stopped looking for the storm, stopped analyzing every feeling and learned how to feel what was there. He learned he did in fact love me and that it was ok that we didnt have this loud crazy love we had something better and sustaining. 6 months later he started talking about marraige, 8 months after that we bought the center stone, and 6 months after that we announced our engagement to the world. I finally got my ocean in life, and I feel like the luckiest girl alive. I had to trust that my gut was right though and tell him what I felt and trust that this was my sea. In the end that bravery and his ear is what made it work. Sometimes you have to let go to see what is really there.
I think right now you are faced with a storm on land and possibly a passive current on the sea. The storm is blinding you to what could be real and all encompassing. It is easy to miss the subtleties in life when faced with magnitude. Dont compare the two at all. Ask yourself what do you need? Who will be there? Who will help you when you need it? Who will you be the sea for?
Post # 38
I actually don’t agree with the pps who said that you would just know. That has never been the case for me as I have always second guessed myself. While I was crazy about my husband to be when we first me I walked on eggshells for the first yearwaiting for something to go wrong- me to get sick of him or vice versa! I think you will knowpig you dig a little deeper but it is nsale always obvious.Couple of things for you to think about: Would you grow bored of A if you chose him and always wonder ‘what if’ re B?
Post # 39
I would go with the one you talked about first. That would be guy A. He sounds like the best of the two IMO. 🙂
Post # 40
“And the chemistry, that excitement… those are the things that keep a relationship going”
I respectfully disagree with this statement by PP. Chemistry and excitement FADE QUICKLY, and then you’re left with the real guy…the one that isn’t fresh, new, exciting. Sparks alone are NOT GOING TO keep a relationship together. Compatibility will, and the willingness to both give 100% toward each other will. Which guy would return the effort you’ve given, completely? That’s the guy you need to lean toward.
Post # 42
I just don’t think you’ve been with either of these gentleman long enough to know if you want to settle down with them. Just because they’re asking to be exclusive doesn’t mean you have to.
Keep dating and have fun.
Post # 43
@KateByDesign: Well would mean that Guy B wins, but not by much. I feel horrible sleeping with both guys, so I’m trying not to for the time being. Plus, I think it’s totally clouding my judgement.
Post # 44
@PaperFlowers: Do NOT feel bad about any of this. It’s a normal part of dating when you’re an adult! If you’re upfront and honest with both of them about not being exclusive, and of course practicing safe sex then you are doing nothing wrong.
I’m not going to tell you who to choose. Only you can do that.
But not only should you think about which one would make the better life partner, but which one would be an amazing father as well.
Post # 45
Love this post! I’ve watched 14+ seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, but this is better because it’s real life!
On The Bachelor, they always choose “Girl B” because of the chemistry, and shortly after the show they break up. But of the relationships that have actually worked, it’s always been Guy/Girl A.
If you’re not comfortable with comparing your life to trashy reality TV, I’d ask yourself two questions:
1. Can you see one of the guys being your best friend, through good, bad, sickness, health, old age?
2. Which guy would you want to be the father of your children (assuming you want this)?
My vote’s for Guy A. I’m with a Guy A now, and every single day is filled with happiness and genuine love.
Post # 46
I would choose neither. Anytime I have had to rationalise why I should be with someone he hasn’t been the right guy. I was seeing two guys and then along came my current Boyfriend or Best Friend. I stopped seeing both the other two as soon as he said he wanted more without even thinking about it.