(Closed) Choosing Between Two Wonderful Guys (sorry, long!)

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

My two cents: I was in almost this exact situation. Met the guys the same way and everything. Guy A was totally the guy I THOUGHT I should be with… based on what I thought my family (I’m super close with them) would want, etc. Guy B had a rougher past, and because of that, I was afraid what everyone would think/whether or not he was right for me. But there was a connection with Guy B that I just couldn’t explain to everyone. It was so crazy and comfortable. Guy A was great- stable, etc.- but actually the more I got to know him, the more I found out how much of it was just a front. I admittedly had some issues to work through in my own brain regarding Guy B (I had a really conservative upbringing- he and I had VERY different pasts, but he had totally changed his life around and we ended up in very similar places.) I did, and it was worth it. He is the love of my life and my best friend. We were married a little over two weeks ago.

THAT SAID… the jealousy thing was never really a factor. I mean, DH did tell me at one point that I needed to make a decision between him and Guy A– but it had been a couple months at that point, and he just couldn’t handle it anymore. It was less of a jealousy thing and more of a “crap or get off the pot” thing 🙂 I agree with the other girls who are saying that jealous *can* be a red flag. So just make sure you are being careful with that.

Go with your gut. It may take some serious searching (no, you won’t always know *right away* like some people are saying– I sure didn’t!) … but you WILL know 🙂

Good luck!

Post # 48
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just from what you’ve posted here, I’d say guy A! He sounds like the nicer/more stable of the two. It’s hard for any of us to say though, since we don’t know these guys like you do! Listen to your heart & your head at the same time.

Post # 49
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I literally have the same story. my Fi was guy A. I saw him being the man I could   grow with and be the father of my kids. To me, stability is a huge turn on.

 

Post # 50
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I can’t read this because I really need to go..but any chance you can have both of them? You know, like in Savages the movie? I thought Blake Lively had a good thing goin there….

 

😉

Post # 51
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Sunfire:  +1

OP, I think you need to take some time. I’d be friends with both guys, but in the end, I don’t think you should “choose” either of them. You’re waffling between both, and generally in a sitaution like that, regardless of which you pick, you are probably going to feel like you’re settling. Just give them some variation of the “I am not ready to jump back into a serious relationship just yet” line and see how it plays out. Maybe one or the other will prove himself a strong candidate, but it’s more likely I think that a third contender will come along who blows both out of the water.

 

Post # 52
Member
3246 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@dewingedpixie:  Wow, that is amazing and very poetic. Thank you for posting this beautiful description of love. That is one I will remember!

Post # 53
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@PaperFlowers:  honestly, I’ve been there. I felt pressured to choose, and one day I had an epiphany – I don’t have to be with either. It was like a weight had been lifted off me. I took a step back, concentrated on me, and the answer came to me.

I suggest you take a step back too. Assess where you’re at. Let the answer come to you. You may end up with one of them, you may end up with neither.

Post # 54
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I’d have to go with Guy A – if only because stability is usually best when you want someone to be with you for life.

I’d have to agree with @BeachBride2014 and ask yourself – who would be there in a crisis?

You need to have that person that will support you & be there when you need them, without that – what do you have?

 

Post # 55
Hostess
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@PaperFlowers: 

My only advice is that you will know when you know!!! 

Objectively, guy A looks good on paper, but it gave me pause when you said he takes awhile to open up. To me this guy could be slower in coming to decisions like engagements….I mean it would drive me crazy if a guy took 5 years to propose…thats just me!

haha

Post # 57
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@PaperFlowers:  I would also say Guy A. The romantic, “in love”, butterfly feeling won’t last forever (just a fact, read The Five Love Languages, there is usually about a 2 year shelf life for it), and when it fades, you will be left with a stable guy that has a lot in common with you instead of a guy that sounds like he will be an emotional nightmare in the future. But that is just me…I dated the super emotional, passionate, also extremely jealous for no reason guy who ended up trading all of those passionate feelings of love for passionate feelings of hate. I was with the guy for 6 years because I kept hoping the passionate feelings of love would come back, for me and for him. Nope. Didn’t. 

My Fiance is not an emotional guy but we connect so well. And after 5 years together, I know what stable and lasting is and I know I have it with him. 

I also disagree with the people who say that if either was the one you wouldn’t have such a hard time choosing. At the beginnings of a relationship, lots of things are hidden and you only have so much to go off of. It isn’t always this lightening striking revelation. Sometimes you do have to think things through logically. Passion and emotion are not the only things that make up a good relationship. 

Post # 58
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

To be honest, I would choose neither! However great A may be, it already sounds like you are perceiving him as second-best to B. B sounds too emotionally draining.

 

Post # 59
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

B sounds like way too much maintenance, I’d say A of the two, but I think you need to take a moment to consider the fact that if they were totally perfect for you, you wouldn’t need to ask. 

Good luck!

Post # 60
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I vote to choose Guy A for the relationship.  Guy B would be a passionate love affair but probably not a good candidate for a long term relationship; what happens when the fireworks stop?

Post # 61
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

i ended up with a guy A.  i’ve dated guy Bs before (and one even proposed) and the relationships were usually so up and down. my guy A is always there for me. he also has been really slow to open up, but now i just understand that he is like that.

my Fiance and i have been through so much together (illness, unemployment, etc) and he has just been my rock. he is the calm in the storm, and i can count on him to calm me down. any other guy that i dated always just made me more stressed out, and i think that’s because they were as emotional as i was. 

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