(Closed) Choosing Bridesmaids

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 1
Member
11 posts
Newbee

Hi, bees!  I’m starting to plan my September 2015 wedding (we got engaged 2 weeks ago, on our 4 year dating anniversary – so excited!!) and I’ve started thinking about who my bridesmaids will be.  This seems like a supportive community, so I’m hoping to get some guidance on what you would do (or have already done) in my situation.  I’m okay with waiting until about September of this year, so that gives me a little time to decide.  But this has been on my mind and I wanted to get some input.  

To start, my fiancé and I definitely want equal numbers in our wedding party.  We each have 3 people we’d like to include for sure.  For him, that’s a high school friend, a work friend, and my brother.  For me, that’s a close friend from school, my cousin, and his sister.  That part is easy!

My fiancé would like to have 2 of his cousins as groomsmen, which I am totally supportive of!  They’re great guys and I want them in the bridal party.  It’s my 4th and 5th bridesmaids that are causing me stress.  I have 2 friends I’ve been close to all through college – I met them on day 1, and we’ve stayed really good friends!  These two are definitely a package deal, as I’m equally close to both of them.  But they often bring about a lot of drama that I am totally tired of dealing with.   Also, I feel that we are starting to drift, and as they graduate college this year I can definitely envision that trend continuing, though I’m not 100% sure.  I always would have considered them bridesmaid-level friends up until recently when I’ve begun to really question it… it’s weird to think that they wouldn’t be in it.  (Though it’d probably be less drama, unless they really work to be less drama-y.)

The problem is that I’d need 2 more girls.  These 2 college friends are honestly my closest friends other than the 3 girls in my bridal party for sure!!  If I choose anyone else my college friends will know that, and be really hurt.  I feel like this could damange or end the friendship in itself, (as I said, they can be huge drama queens), which I don’t want.  But then again, maybe these friendships aren’t meant to last past college anyway…  I have 2 others I would consider asking, though again, I’m not as close to them as I am to my 2 college friends.

I guess it’s hard because I’m at the age where my friends and I are starting our adult lives, which can bring about transtitions in friendship anyway.  And now I need to think about choosing bridesmaids in this transition time.  Sorry for such a long post – any words of wisdom and advice would be much appreciated!!

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Post # 2
Member
7750 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My suggestion, for what it is worth, is to have his 2 cousins as ushers or doing a reading. That way you only need 3 on each side. Or have those 2 cousins as ushers and maybe ask the 2 friends to do a reading each, depending on how the next year pans out.

You haven’t explained the nature of the drama; or how much you expect to do with your bridesmaids. But I do know from reading these boards that you don’t want drama queens in the bridal party. I was very happy to only have 2 on each side: my two were my sister and my best friend. With only those 2, I didn’t feel bad about not having some very good college or church friends as bridesmaids.

Post # 3
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

If there is drama now, it’s almost guaranteed to be worse during active wedding planning. You really do not need to choose maids until 6-8 months before the wedding. If I were you, I would wait until January-February 2015 to make this decision. Soo how your relationship are at that point in time. And remember that a smaller bridal party is usually easier to coordinate and manage than a larger one.

Post # 4
Member
1915 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX

I would strongly recommend waiting to choose your bridesmaids. A LOT can change in 17 months. I’m getting married in September of this year and didn’t ask mine until February. I’m glad I waited because two of my bridesmaids, who I’m extremely close with now, I probably wouldn’t have asked back in June when I first got engaged.

Post # 5
Member
5972 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

kellybee33:  Here are a few options to consider

1) There is not need to choose a bridal party more than 1 year out.  Give yourself to Sept to figure it out and don’t ask anyone until then (make sure Fiance does the same)

2) I would strongly consider just cutting it off at the 3 people per side. That is a PLENTY big wedding party anyway. 

3) Maybe reconsider uneven numbers.  I have NO IDEA why people care about even numbers, but in your case there is a compelling reason that even numbers works: if your Fiance has 5 guys and you only have 3, the two university friends are going to really raise and eyebrow and wonder why they are not BMs.

I would be really unlikely to invite them to be BMs at this stage as you are probably correct that you’ll drift apart after they graduate.  And no one needs a known drama queen as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Give it at least until the end of the summer and see how you feel then.

Post # 6
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

kellybee33:  if you know there will be drama, then don’t do it. It will just get worse and you will regret it, possibly damaging the friendship too.

Post # 7
Member
11 posts
Newbee

Thanks for all of your great pieces of advice.  As I think about it more, I’m definitely less and less sure that I want them to be bridesmaids.  It’s like I do in theory, but in actuality I don’t trust it to be the best decision.  With them I’ll definitelty see how things feel this summer/fall.

I was planning to decide/ask them all this September, since that’s a year in advance, but maybe I’ll see if we can wait a little bit longer.  I’m making new friends in grad school this year, so maybe by that time I’d consider asking two girls I’m pretty close to right now.  Or we could definitely consider having just 3 and 3!  I like the idea of at least giving those friends (and possibly his cousins) special parts in he wedding, without making them actual bridesmaids.  I guess we’ll have to see how things go!

Thanks again for all the great ideas/advice, ladies!!

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