Post # 1
So I’m sure this has been done to death but I need some opinions please! My FI and I got engaged in August and are planning a looong engagement and having our wedding in November 2016. My MOH is locked in as she is my best friend of 12 years, and my two cousins who are like sisters to me as BMs. BUT we have one other female cousin who is around the same age as the three of us, who I am thinking of not including. She lives 4 hours away from the three of us and has an awful boyfriend who makes her late to all our family events. She has just messaged me to say she will not be coming to our engagement party this weekend (claiming she has “work”, which she always does). So what I want to know is, what’s the backlash? What have you guys experienced with this? *Probably easier to imagine we are sisters, as we really are that ridiculously close*
Post # 2
I can’t comment as to what the backlash would be. However, you can just say you are keeping your bridal party small, which is understandable. If she wants more information, you can tell her that she lives 4 hours away and it might be difficult for her to fulfill any BM duties, so you would rather have her as a guest so she can just enjoy the party.
Post # 3
racetrackbride: If she’s like a sister, I would try to include her. Certainly including 3 out of 4 sisters would cause major hurt feelings.
I regard an engagement party as optional for someone living 4 hours away, whether or not she has to work. So don’t worry about that.
Perhaps have a talk to her, and ask if she can 100% guarantee to be at your house at 10 am on the morning of the wedding, or whatever time you need your bridesmaids there.
The other thing is, I suggest you don’t even pick your bridesmaids (except maybe your sister) until less than 12 months before the wedding.
Post # 4
racetrackbride: I would wait until a year from the wedding before deciding/asking people to be in the wedding. Things change.
Post # 5
racetrackbride: If you’re that close, I would include her. Sometimes it’s easier to keep the peace.
I would talk to her before you tell anyone, tell you you want her to be invloved but realize it would be difficult because of the distance and the time commitment involved in being in a wedding. Ask her if she would be more comofrtable playing another important role… MC, or reader or something like that. She might be just as happy to do that, if she wants to be a BM, then she’ll know your expectations of your ladies. Good luck!
Yak: +1. Completely agree. I had a long engagement too, and did the same. I waited a year to pick… honestly the people I picked didn’t change, but I’m happy I waited because you never know.