Post # 1
I’m looking for advice on selecting my Bridesmaids!! I know that my sister is going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but am really undecided about my BMs. My Fiance has selected hi Best Man along with 3 Groomsmen. I was in a wedding last summer of a friend that I was really close to in univeristy and High School, but since she’s gotten married and moved away I rarely see or speak to her. We never had a falling out, and when we do talk or see each other it’s like nothing has changed…but we’re just not as close as we were….I’m really stuck! How did you choose?
Post # 3
My girls are mostly life-long companions or relatives with whom I am very close to. I have 6 girls, including 2 MOHs. Choosing BMs can be very tricky. I would not suggest picking girls just to even the sides of the wedding party. Odd numbers are in! I am having 6 girls and 7 guys.
Post # 4
@lindseyl06: Thanks! I never really thought about having odd numbers! Definitely something to consider!
Post # 5
If you’re not very close to your friend anymore, you don’t have to pick her. There are so many posts around here of bees regretting their Bridesmaid or Best Man choices. Don’t pick someone because you feel like you have to.
Post # 6
Choose wisely! Pick those who are close to you and who you feel will remain close to you. I’m in a bit of a situation right now as I chose a Bridesmaid or Best Man who is having a lot of marital issues and has not been contacting me or coming to any dress fittings. Just make sure you have friends who will be there for you through thick and thin and that you would do the same for. Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is a very special priviledge and title. (: Good luck! And hey, I would suggest mailing out cool invitations to each bridesmaid asking them to be a part of your special day. I have seen so many cool ideas on Pinterest and wish I would have went about it in a better way than calling on the phone. (:
Post # 7
Don’t pick someone to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man only because you were in their wedding. I was in my cousins wedding and his wife chose me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and I was also a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my other friends wedding a few years back. I didn’t choose either of them.
Like another PP said, odd numbers are in! My husband had 8 GM’s and I only had 6 BM’s!
Post # 8
I think it depends on what you want out of your BMs. Do you want people that will be involved in wedding planning, or just people that show up? Either way, I’d make sure it is someone reliable. One of my (ex)BMs showed up still drunk from the night before to a dress fitting, and was mad that I inconvenienced her with a trip she agreed to. Please don’t let that happen to you.
I think family is typically a safe bet. Sisters and cousins if you have them. Sure you can fight with family, but usually you still stick together through it all!
Post # 9
Just remember that relationships can change a lot over time. I got engaged last September i was so excited that I asked my girls that night! We ended up having a longer engagement than we thought and now I’m not as good of friends with one I asked (not too big of a deal, we are still friends but live in different places and haven’t kept in great touch). So just remember that and give yourself time to think before you ask (you obviously are already!)
Post # 10
@Mrs-R2B: I had my Maid/Matron of Honor, a bridesmaid from college and my closest brother stand on my side (my husband had a good female friend on his side to balance things out.) I chose the people that would be most genuinely and sincerely happy for me and our marriage. Reliable, good friends and a family member who had been there through thick and thin and who didn’t mind one way or the other if they were chosen but when they were, they were ecstatic and honored to stand with us. Those are the types of people you want to surround yourselves with – no drama queens! Follow your gut and don’t worry about who thinks they’re entitled to be a bridesmaid (odds are if they think they’re entitled, they’re not!) Pick the person who would understand if she was not chosen. The one that wouldn’t fuss but is just so happy for you. That is the person who deserves to be standing with you. Make sense?
Post # 11
I would have her. There’s a quote that goes something like “friendship is not about being inseparable; it’s about being separated and knowing nothing will change”. I was Maid/Matron of Honor in a friend’s wedding party last year, didn’t see her for an entire year (she moved across the country), with only the odd bbm convo here or there because we’re both super busy, but when we reunited in our college town last month, we were literally inseparable for the four days we were both there (like LITERALLY inseparable – neither of our boys were in town, so we ended up spontaneously coordinating our schedules and sharing a bed for three nights straight as we crashed with a variety of friends).
Just because you don’t communicate on a regular basis doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you, doesn’t think about you often, doesn’t want the best for you, or that she’s not there for you if you ever need her support. That being said, make sure your expectations are realistic if you do choose to ask her. There’s only so much she can do from where she is, and financial/job/life constraints might constrain her from giving as much as you’d like.
Post # 12
Thanks for all of the help Bees! You all have really good insight & suggestions!