Post # 1
My fiance and I just got engaged last week, and we’re starting to plan our wedding (this October). I have narrowed my bridesmaids down, but I can’t decide which one of them to choose for maid of honor: my sister in law, or a friend I’ve known about 12 years. Both live in Oregon, where I grew up (I’ve lived in Texas for 2.5 years and the wedding will be in Texas). My sister in law is awesome and I’m actually closer to her than I am my brother. She is super down to earth, and fun to hang out with. She does have three kids, and a fourth due next month so that will be a factor in coming to the wedding, and also how much she would be able to go out and “do” wedding stuff the few days before.
My friend is someone I have known for 12 years. She and I have been through a TON together and shared a lot of ups and downs. She’s not married yet with no kids, so she will have more freedom when she comes to the wedding, than my sister in law. I feel that she would be more “fun” to have as a Maid/Matron of Honor, just because we’ve spent so much time together, hanging out, sharing deep stuff, and giggling about all manner of guy-related things. We have had some pretty intense emotional drama in our friendship over the years, but the past few years it’s mellowed out a lot.
I am SO torn about this!! By The Way, I was a bridesmaid for my sister-in-law’s wedding to my brother 7 years ago.
Any advice you ladies can give me would be most welcome! 🙂 thanks.
Post # 2
Could you have two MOHs?
Going off the info in the post, I would pick your old friend. If your sister in law gets upset, tell her that you value her friendship equally, and wanted to respect the fact that she had a lot of responsibilities with the children. My only red flag would be the ‘intense emotional drama’ you talked about. Weddings tend to bring out high emotions in people, so if youre worried about conflict, you might want to think about your choice more.
Post # 3
I’m planning to have two MOHs because I have two best friends who I have been friends with since elementary school. If you absolutely had to pick one, I would pick your friend over your SIL since you have been closer to her for longer and you weren’t your SIL’s Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 4
You don’t have to be torn. One is single, one is married. You could have a maid and a matron of honor.
Post # 5
You can have a maid and matron. But if you want only one, if there is not a whole lot of difference in closeness (like you’re pretty equally close to them but in different ways) I would go with the friend, UNLESS you think she may be drama. Because there’s a deep rooted 12 year history there, and I think overall it sounds like you would rather have her and like it would be more fun with her and y’all are probably more relatable on that kind of subject. (Huge run-on sorry lol). But if she’s going to possibly cause drama, that kind of sucks all the fun out of it, and I’d go with sis-in-law.
Post # 6
I would go with both or the old friend. Since you have been friends for so long I imagine the two of you have been talking about your weddings together since you were young and it would be so special for both of you to share the experience of being bride and maid of honor together.
Post # 7
Thanks so much to everyone for your comments! I never even though of having two! I think I will probably just choose one, just because I feel like it’s a little more special for that person (maybe I’m totally off base here), and I’m only having 4 or 5 bridesmaids total. <br />And yes, the emotional stuff in the past that my friend and I have been through is the main reason I’m a little hesitant….I know that was kind of strange to word it that way, but yes, basically some pretty crazy drama. However, I think that any drama a wedding might create might be minimized since she would not actually be here until a few days before.<br />Please keep the advice coming, I so appreciate it!
Post # 8
- Wedding: Rocky Mountains-May 2017
Friend. I’m having my Future Sister-In-Law as a bridesmaid, but having my brother as my Man of Honor. I would never feel obligated to have my SO’s sis as a Maid/Matron of Honor. I’ll be having my brother, best friend of nearly 20 years, and then her. In that order
Post # 9
I think you should consider having a matron of honor and a maid of honor. I’m probably having five girls total, and one is my sister (maid of honor) and the other is my best friend (matron). My sister is only 20 and didn’t want any of the responsibilities of organizing anything, although she wanted to help and be included! And my best friend is organized and super dependable and wanted to be in charge of stuff. So they’re working as a team!
Post # 10
I’d recommend the friend. She sounds fun and available to be part of the wedding festivities. Besides, at your SIL wedding you weren’t her Maid/Matron of Honor. Plus she sounds like she’s got her hands full being a mother to almost 4 children. Even if my future SIL and I were as close as you are with yours, I just wouldn’t expect to be asked, I’d figure she has her own friends to ask.