Post # 1
I’ve been engaged for about a month now and still haven’t chosen any of my bridesmaids. I am just so confused about who to ask.
My situation is that I moved back to my home town after 10 years away about 3 years ago and none of my old friends still lived here. I have finally started to get close with some other people, but I’ve only really known these girls well for about a year or two. We get along great and spend a lot of time together, and they’ve been really supportive and excited for me when we got engaged, but none of them seem very permanently planted in my town and who’s to say if we’ll even still be friends in a few years? The women I’ve always thought of as my closest friends, and who I assumed would be my bridesmaids, I now only see maybe a couple times a year, with a phone call here and there in between. When I do see them, though, I still feel like we get along as well as ever. But, it kind of sucks that they all live half way across the country and wouldn’t be here for bachelorette, the shower, helping me with planning etc.
So my question is, how did you choose your bridesmaids? Based on people who you have a history with, or the people you are closest with at the time you’re getting married? For bees who had out of town bridesmaids, how did you find it? Did you have people plan your bachelorette etc for you or did you end up having to do it all yourself? Help me with my agonizing!
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
@thunderberry: Congratulations on your engagement!
I’m in a bit of a similar situation where I’m in Canada and my best friend from my home-country, whom I’ve known for over a decade, lives in Australia. With no hesitation, she is the closest thing I have as a sister, so I have already appointed her as my Maid/Matron of Honor long before I got engaged. We’re always able to pick up where we last left off — we actually write really long emails! We’re always there for each other, no matter the distance and time zone. Thank goodness for Skype. (She was there with me through Skype when I found the dress!)
I’m not particularly close with anyone here, despite having lived in Canada for almost 12 years. (Long story short, most of my friends are guys) So, I asked my Fiance how many groomsmen he could muster. He said, one. (His best friend) Made my day and life easier!
As for a bachelorette party, I don’t mind planning my own. I’m most likely going to throw an all-age friendly party anyway.. at a roller disco, so that my FSIL’s kids can come too and they wouldn’t have to find baby sitters.
Post # 4
@thunderberry: Personally, I would go with history. New friendships change over time and you may not even be friends with some of these new girls by the time your wedding rolls around! My maids will be my sister, my closest cousin, my best friend of 18 years and my old mission teammate, who I’ve known for 12 years. The last one will have to fly in, but I will still ask because she’s been a confidant even though we only see each other once evey 2-3 years.
Post # 5
I would say do it based on people you know will be there for you! The last thing you’ll want is an unenthusiastic or unresponsive Bridesmaid or Best Man, whether she’s an old friend or a close one.
Post # 6
@thunderberry: My situation is somewhat similar to yours. I moved away from my hometown when I went to college. I moved back to the area for a couple of years (working/grad school), and then took a job in another state. I moved again as soon as I found a job in Omaha (where my fiance [then boyfriend] lived).
I quite literally have close friends scattered all over the country. I have a few really close girlfriends here in Omaha, but since my fiance and I really wanted to have a small wedding party, I opted to only include my oldest and best friends. My very best friend and I have been really close for about 17 or 18 years. He and I have been through a lot together over the years and there was never a doubt in my mind that he would stand next to me as my “man of honor.” My other best friend and I have been really close for closer to 22 years. (Wow, I’m old! Haha.) I was also a bridesmaid in her wedding a few years ago. My third bridesmaid will be my younger cousin. She and I have always been really close, and have considered one another to be like sisters. I will also be a bridesmaid in her wedding this September.
Everyone in my wedding party lives very far away from me (the closest is about 800 miles away). I don’t get to see them that often (usually once or twice a year), but we talk often. Every time I spend time with any of them, it’s just like old times. We’ve all grown and changed, but we’ve all managed to remain close. I have never once questioned my choice to include these 3 people in my bridal party. My fiance really likes all of them as well (and they really like him!), so that’s another plus.
Does it suck that they’re all far away? Somestimes. I’m not having a bridal shower or bachelorette party, though, so maybe that makes a difference. I’m also not a DIY kind of bride, so there’s not a lot of stuff I need help with (though several of my friends in the area have been nice enough to offer to help if I need anything, which is incredibly sweet of them).
I think in the end, you have to choose the people you’d most want to be there supporting you on your wedding day. Do you have friends or family members that you honestly couldn’t imagine not having in your life? If so, those might be the people to ask.
Congratulations on your engagement!
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre
@thunderberry: I had the HARDEST time with bridesmaids. I picked a long-time girlfriend that lives in town, a new (three years) friend from out of town, and my cousin that lives across the country. I think it should be who you want to spend the day with. So if you really want to have your oldest girlfriends, even if they live out of town, I say do it. And if there’s one friend that’s in-town that you’re especially close to, that might be helpful/fun for doing girly wedding stuff (so that you can get that experience of planning / doing things with a BM). GOOD LUCK!!
Post # 8
@thunderberry: I got engaged at the end of last year. I had a really similar problem. Old friends I was having issues with and new friends where I didn’t feel like I was as close as a bridesmaid should be.
What I did is… nothing. 🙂 I acted exactly like I always would around those girls. One of my oldest friends and I had a falling out and it was pretty major. I’m glad I didn’t ask her to be my bridesmaid. Another girl who is a newer friend and I became so much closer. And yet another friend and I have become AMAZING friends and no doubt she’ll be my Maid/Matron of Honor.
Our engagement party is on Saturday (almost 5 months after we got engaged, hahaha, but the wedding is 2015, so we’ve got ages) and I’m asking 4 girls to be my bridesmaid. 2 girls won’t be shocked, but the 2 newer friends who have been amazing the last 5 months and assumed they aren’t bridesmaids will be so shocked and so happy. 🙂
Hope that helps? xxx
Post # 9
Thanks everyone for your replies! Definitely helpful. I think I’m going to give it a couple months, since in July I’ll be going to the city where most of my potential-maids live anyway so it seems like a good time to ask people. That’ll give me some time to think about it, but in the end I think most likely I’ll end up asking those girls to be my BMs even though they don’t live here. I’m gonna make an effort to make contact more frequent over the next few months so hopefully it will make things a little better once I ask them.