Post # 1
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee
For my wedding party I’m having my 3 sisters, my fiancés 2 sisters, my best female friend, and my best male friend. My oldest sister M loves weddings and planning events and is extremely good at organizing things. Myself and my other two sisters, J and A, are more laidback/tomboyish and more concerned with the actual party part than the finer details of things. I’m pretty sure my oldest sister started mentally planning my wedding before i did haha. For that reason I figured that having her as the Maid/Matron of Honor would make the most sense. Plus it saves me from the awkward situation of picking a favourite because it’s more of a practical decision.
However, I was explaining this at dinner with my parents last night and they said something like “This decision is an emotional one, not practical. It should be about your relationship with that person, not their relationship to the wedding.” Which makes a lot of sense to me. If I were to make the decision emotionally then it would probably be my youngest sister A. M and J are 37 and 36, I’m 30, and A is 28. So we were sort of raised in clumps. A was more in the same life phases as I was growing up and we were always REALLY close. We have overlapping friend groups and were known to pair off and spend an entire night talking and drinking just the two of us while in the middle of a rager. We protected each other growing up and almost never fought. Also, a few years ago she had leukemia and a stem cell transplant that I did with her saved her life. So it was very emotional and we’re even more connected now than ever.
That said.. We’re ALL very close. We spend a ton of time together and talk all the time. In my 20s whenever I went through anything like a break up or death of a friend, I would move in with M and J and their husbands (they all lived together). And M is very much the mum of the sisters.
So.. I don’t know whether to choose the person that is emotionally the closest to me, A, and risk offending my other sisters, or choose M for practical reasons which are less likely to offend, but possible to disappoint. When A and I did the transplant, I bought her a semi-ironic but meaningful best friends necklace, and M was offended even by that.
What would you do in that situation? How did you choose your MOH? I don’t want any emotional complications and I’m not a foot stomping bride who’s been planning her wedding her whole life.
Post # 2
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
I wouldn’t have a Matron of Honour, just all equal bridesmaids.
Post # 3
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
It really depends on what you want from a Maid/Matron of Honor. If you want the emotional/bonding asepect then go with your closest sister. If you want someone who will organize and plan parties then go with your older one. My oldest sister was my Maid/Matron of Honor. She is very well planned and organized but due to life circumstances I knew her ability to plan out all of “traditional” bridal stuff would be limited. I was ok with this because I didn’t really care about that stuff. It was more important to have her be my Maid/Matron of Honor and stand next to me on the wedding day.
With that said, if you are someone who gets annoyed at disorganized events and you plan on having all the traditional bridal things, I would go with the organized sister. A wedding is pretty stressful even for the most chill bride and adding on the stress of monitoring a disorganized Maid/Matron of Honor will not help with that. 🙂
Post # 4
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
Don’t have an Maid/Matron of Honor, just keep everyone on equal footing. I’m having my only sister, my 10 year old niece and two of my best friends. I wasn’t going to have an Maid/Matron of Honor at all but as my fiancé wanted a best man, decided to make my 10 year old niece my Maid/Matron of Honor. She’s thrilled that she’s the most special and it just means we’ll get our mums to sign the marriage certificate.
Post # 5
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee
For the record I don’t think it’s bad to have been planning your wedding your whole life and not everyone that has is a foot stomper! I just haven’t myself so I’m not attached to many details – I just want it to be a good time.
Post # 6
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee
karamellokoala : That’s adorable! My fiancé has already asked his best man though, is there a reason that you’d both need one or not? I don’t even know the wedding role details fully yet.
Post # 7
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
wolfeyes : There are no “roles”. I don’t even know what that means. There is nothing that the Bridesmaid or Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor would have to do together or anything. Their “role” is to stand up there during the ceremony. Period.
Post # 8
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee
spoilerssweetie : I’m not going to have a lot of the traditional parties and things.. But my organized sister is probably going to plan everything regardless of whether she is Maid/Matron of Honor haha. She has the most interest and the most time, and would hate not to be allowed to do it. That’s why i sort of thought it would be the most ‘fair’ to name her Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 9
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee
fredthebasil : I meant during the ceremony..
Post # 10
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
If I were you I wouldn’t pick a Maid/Matron of Honor and would just have everyone be a bridesmaid. I’d explain to them all that they are equally important to you and you wouldn’t be able to choose – I wouldn’t! I’m sure your oldest sister would step up to help with planning anyway, no matter her role, if that is what she enjoys doing.
Post # 11
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee
Just because your Fiance has a Bridesmaid or Best Man doesnt mean you need a Maid/Matron of Honor. Have one sister hold the rings, the other sister does the signing etc. I think picking sisters sounds like an excellent way to hurt the other, no matter how well intentioned.
Anyone can throw you a party. THey dont need to be a Maid/Matron of Honor, or even a bridal party member.
Post # 12
Member
3460 posts
Sugar bee
Hemnes : This is EXACTLY what I did, all bridesmaids and no Maid/Matron of Honor so I didn’t have the drama of choosing my ‘favourite’ friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. The most organized one seems to be taking the lead for planning a bachelorette/shower, no title needed. And my fiance is having a best man, but I don’t mind in the slightest that its mismatched!
Post # 13
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee
Awesome, thank you! I think that’s what I’ll do. just have them all as bridesmaids. I don’t plan on having all the pre-parties and M is going to plan things for the day regardless. Anyone that knows us will know she was heavily involved and I’m sure my dad will make fun of us for it in his speech so she will also get plenty of credit haha.
thanks for your help everyone!
Post # 14
Member
2567 posts
Sugar bee
I just have to say your family sounds like a blessing to be a part of. I wish I had a relationship with my sister half as strong as the ones you have with three! I think having no Maid/Matron of Honor is the best choice for you, too. Have a lovely wedding!