Choosing sides

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 61
187 posts
Blushing bee

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longtobee :  it doesn’t mean that she would be chastised for her decisions either. 😉

Post # 62
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

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lemonsandlife71 :  I mean, she asked for opinions and got them. She’s making a poor choice, and everyone here sees right through that. If she wanted everyone to agree with her choice she should have made sure she was in an echo chamber, first. wink

Post # 63
1349 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

OP: You may have found the love of your life, but you sound VERY impulsive right now.  There is a huge difference between “going to visit a friend” and “moving away.”  Your mom sounds like she’s worried but is trying her best to be supportive and loving, and your FH’s family sounds like a controlling train wreck.  Just STOP for a second.  Don’t do anything.  Just stop moving and think.  If you want to spend the rest of your life with this man, that’s great.  But why is everything such a panicked rush?  Just…chill.  You can’t make good decisions when you’re flying blindly through a major decision, nor can you understand people’s true intentions if you’re not quiet enough to listen.  You say your family comes to visit you, but have you gone home to visit them at all?  If not, you basically ran away.  That’s what you did, and that’s why they are worried.

All of this sounds like a gong show.  Just SLOW DOWN and figure things out.  If you’re going to spend the rest of your life with this guy, then just chilling out for 6 months won’t matter.  Take a breath and really analyze your decisions and the situation around you.  And give your mom a fucking break, for real.

Post # 64
1614 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Speaking as somebody who married at 19…

i don’t discount your feelings. He may very well be that one in a million guy. But it isn’t worth straining your relationship with your parents. Because if you’re wrong about him, or when you have a child or he dies, you will want and need them and some rifts take decades to patch. I’m still patching mine at 31. It isn’t worth it. 

Marry in your Dad’s church, let your mom plan. If your in-laws don’t value their son enough to take a day off then they don’t have to be there. Don’t hurt them more… you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.

Post # 65
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

When I was 19, I tried to postpone college to travel with my boyfriend. Luckily I changed my mind and enrolled at the last minute. That boyfriend wanted to marry me. I thought marrying him would be fine. But I was miserable and recovering from a difficult situation. My brain chemistry clouded my judgment. When I recovered enough to be logical again (which was something I couldn’t see at the time), I started to realize how much I didn’t like my boyfriend. We ended up breaking up later. Which allowed me to meet DH at college.

Like you, I was told I was mature for my age. I was smart and thought I knew what I wanted. I wanted to be on my own. I wanted adventure. I wanted love. But I was going about it wrong and forcing things. 

Now that I’m older, I have love. I am on my own. I have adventure. But it all came about the right way. It may have been slower, but it was better. And looking back, I can see things now that I didn’t see then. I feel embarrassed that I ever thought that way.

I doubt you’ll comment here again, but why do you need to get married now? Why can’t you wait a few years? Why can’t you go to college near them and date? Why can’t you give your relationship its best chance? If you love each other and end up getting married, what would waiting a few years do?

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