(Closed) choosing to be long distance?

posted 8 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Honestly, it might be worth it.  You will get your degree done faster, probably spend less on it, and then be able to start your career sooner.  That will put you in a better position in the long run and if you can handle the distance, it might be worth it.  I found that the best thing to help me in a LDR was knowing when it would be over.

Post # 4
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am just getting ready to move and finally end being in an LDR with my fiance. I was in a similar position and decided that law school (a life long dream) was worth it to me to attempt life in a LDR. 3 years later I have graduated, passed the bar and think that Fiance and I have a stronger relationship than we would if we were living close. My school was excessively demanding and it was nice to escape to weekends with him and it was even nicer when his masters schedule would allow him to move in with me for the summers.

We got through by knowing that it wasn’t going to last forever (even though it was longer than we had hopped) and by attempting to make some sort of a routine. (I called him on my way into class for the day, when i get lunch breaks and before I go to bed and the consistency was nice for me. He was better about surprises, showing up unannounced, sending sweet emails, mailing care packages, and calling just because.)

Now that it is done I look back knowing that it was hard but I don’t think we would still be together if it wasnt for the LDR. My Fiance had to learn to give me my independence, we both had to learn to trust eachother and I had to learn to lean on him. Best of luck with the decision but I say GO FOR IT!

Post # 5
380 posts
Helper bee

Kind of like futuremrssteel said, I think I’m in a much better place as an individual and our relationship is strong because of the LDR. (Obviously, I’m not saying that everyone needs an LDR to develop a strong relationship – just saying it’s not necessarily a bad thing.)

I really value independence.  I think I definitely wasn’t ready to settle down early in the relationship.  We both went to different cities for school, and it gave me the chance to just hang out with friends and develop myself apart from my Fiance.  We both did really time-consuming programs, so even if we were in the same city we probably couldn’t have spent that much time together anyways.  It was definitely rocky sometimes, but it worked out in the end.

We talked everyday on the phone, and flew out to visit each other every 1-2 months.  The hardest part is addressing difficult problems because it seems like there’s never a good time, but the important thing to realize is that conversations you think don’t belong over the phone sometimes HAVE to be over the phone. 

Don’t be afraid, and don’t think it’s being selfish or stupid to move away to do something you want to do (make sure it’s what you want for yourself, not just the relationship).

Post # 6
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

That’s funny, I’m also hoping to go into OT! I just finished my bachelors in another field though, so I no longer have the option of the accelerated program. But I’m essentially facing the same decision – applying to programs everywhere, near and far, seeing where the offers come from, and crossing that bridge when I come to it. Are there no programs you’re interested in near where your Fiance lives?

But I agree with the posters above, you need to do what’s best for you. You don’t want to resent yourself later for not allowing yourself to do what you wanted.

Post # 8
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I can definitely relate, it’s a really hard decision! And I like what the other posters said about strong individuals making a strong relationship. That being said, I am not, nor have I been in a long distance relationship, but I have made the decision to do what is best for my career. I believe in our relationship, and I am very confident in the future we have together. Good luck in making your decision! (And if you’re interested in talking about programs at all, feel free to message me, I’d love to chat. Smile )

Post # 9
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

My Fiance and I (then boyfriend) went to schools in separate states for four years. It CAN be done and it IS totally worth it!

The other bees are right that an LDR strengthens your relationship to a degree that many people never experience. It allows you to remain in a relationship while also doing the things important to you, and key to a solid relationship is allowing both people to grow and be their own person.

That said, LDRs teach you how to communicate—really well. When your relationship, at times, consists of phone calls, you learn to talk about everything. You learn to sense the tone in each other’s voice. I won’t go so far as to say you learn to read each other’s minds, but you do learn the very subtle nuances of both of your communication styles.

Of course I wish that my Fiance and I hadn’t spent the first four years of our relationship in different states. But when it’s all said and done, I honestly wouldn’t have had it any other way.

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