Choosing to live apart?

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
  • poll:
  • Post # 2
    Member
    10002 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @two_pounds:  

    l’ve often thought l’d like to live next door to my h. ….

    Post # 3
    Member
    891 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    No, but I believe there’s a regular Bee here who does that or has done that. I hope she sees this and replies! I’ve also heard that Tim Burton and wife Helena Bonham Carter live separately. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    2058 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @twilightrarity has discussed the experience of living apart together or is it living together apart..? Anyway, she and her husband have separate homes and spend about half the week in her home together if I recall correctly. Perhaps she’ll contribute to this thread and share some insights.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9103 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @two_pounds:  If we had the money to maintain two households, I’d be on board.

    Post # 6
    Member
    505 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

    I don’t think living apart is conducive to a true partnership. You are essentially free to keep your partner at arm’s length indefinitely. You don’t have to face the nitty gritty of running a household together and see what that reveals about the other person. I know TwilightRarity recommends it because women are usually saddled with running the household. But I say that it’s better to know this about your partner and dump him because it’s an unequal partnership than live in the illusion of equality maintained only by not getting too close to the other person.

    Post # 7
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee

    I mean, whatever works for you as a couple is fine, as far as I’m concerned. The most famous example of this kind of arrangement I can think of is Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera, but that was hardly a happy marriage. I do know a couple personally that do this (they aren’t married, but they’ve been together nearly twenty years), and they pretty much spend most of their nights together at his place, while she works and chills out at her pad during the day. I don’t think I could do it for emotional reasons (I get homesick when my partner sleeps somewhere else!), not to mention financial—a whole other lease/mortgage for a whole other house just so I can have some “space”? My partner and I don’t have anywhere near that amount of dough! If you can and it works for you, though, go for it! I can definitely see how this might be a fantasy during quarantine….

    Post # 8
    Member
    1284 posts
    Bumble bee

    Just a note on the original post…I don’t think that living apart will prolong the honeymoon period of a marriage. Or shorten it. I think the length of the honeymoon period is up to the couple prioritizing the marriage and continually choosing to value each other. You can do that together or while physically apart. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    4008 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Whatever floats your boat, but I couldn’t imagine permanently living in a separate house from my husband. My husband travels for work a lot, so I’m very familiar with living apart for weeks at a time…but I at least know that he still calls our house his home. I could see this working if your finances are completely separate, but it just seems like a huge waste of money to me. I’d rather save that money or at least use it to buy a bigger house where you can each have your own “space” while still living together. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t think is has anything to do with prolonging honeymoon or keeping interest. I think it’s just a thing that works for some couples and might make sense in a lot of circumstances. Like couple that is older and looking for companionship or couples with kids and not wanting to blend etc.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2135 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    This is why she sheds and man caves are a thing. I’m a proponent of having separate space and unwind time, but maintaining and paying taxes/insurance on two residences doesn’t seem like a financially sound decision unless you’re rolling in money. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    @mrssouthernfairytale:  Totally agree. Maybe part of the appeal of the “honeymoon phase” is the result of the distance between the two of you at that point, which keeps the “mystery” alive, but I disagree that “mystery” = good or even that magic “spark” couples talk about. To me, the real magic comes from intimate association, and it’s a hell of a lot more “sparky” and fun to discover new things (or rediscover old things!) about your partner through proximity and maintaining the same space than maintaining distance and literally keeping yourself in the dark about their habits, routines and quirks. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    300 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I think this could work for couples who may have children from other relationships or have gotten together older.

    Personally I wouldn’t like it as my spouse is away alit during the week for work but is home every weekend or when not away and I definitely value us both having the same space.

    Post # 14
    Member
    578 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @two_pounds:  but snow shovelling two driveways and having to do all the house maintenance for two places? We have enough trouble keeping up with all the maintenance for our house as it is!

    Nah, I like having a partner who’s physically *there* to flip the laundry so I don’t have to get out of bed early; who lives in the house and can battle any spiders from the compost bin to put out for garbage collection.

    The honeymoon phase is nice and butterflies buuut my love language is physical affection and so is my husband’s. It could probably work better for a ‘gifts’ or ‘words of affirmation’ couple.

    Post # 15
    Member
    9831 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    The only people I personally know who have an arrangement like this are not happy in their marriages.

    Leave a comment


    Find Amazing Vendors