(Closed) Chopping the guest list… significantly.

posted 6 years ago in Reception
  • poll: You should chop the guest list by....
    cutting his parents cousins first, then re-evaluating from there : (81 votes)
    86 %
    cutting equally from both sides, even if it means cutting my immediate fam /keeping FIs extended : (2 votes)
    2 %
    cutting friends : (4 votes)
    4 %
    other...explain below : (7 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3583 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    No, it’s not wrong.  Immediate family should always come first and if budget allows, you extend to more family.  I am really pleased that he has finally come around!!

    Post # 4
    Member
    2607 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think as your Future Mother-In-Law has established previously, no matter how polite or proper you are, shes going to freak out…

    but I’d say thats correct, since the list is already unbalanced, start with his side, and start with the most distant relatives.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2855 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @mayflowerbride13:  I don’t think you are wrong. I hate the idea of cutting close friends in favor of family members you are not really close with.

    Post # 7
    Member
    5761 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I really think it should come down to closeness of the family members, and not ‘just because’. I guess what I mean is that the people who are invited should be the ones with whom you actually have a relationship and see regularly, and not just everyone related by blood (all cousins). If most people did that, guest lists would explode, especially where large sized families are involved.

    I’ve been the only first cousin invited out of 20+ and no one was offended, and I’ve invited just the first cousins I always spend time with and not all of them too.

    If the cousin issue is making it completely uneven in terms of numbers, try your list with just all the must have people and see where your numbers are. Then add in the cousins who are close to all of you, and decide on a case by case basis.

    Post # 8
    Member
    347 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Honestly 9  months ago I could have written this post WORD FOR WORD. It’s kinda scary! haha but anyways.. here is my advise to you:

    We were in the exact same situation with my side being larger with immediate family and his side inviting the cousins of the parents. It is TOO hard and TOO unfair to say you each get an even amount. Start first and say ok we each are inviting all our aunts and uncles. If you are ok with those numbers then say ok lets each invite our cousins….etc etc. This was the way we should have done it.

    You’ll obviously need to have some exceptions to this role like your great aunt. Hope this helps!

    Take it from someone who SHOULD have cut their list! CUT IT before it gets out of control haha

    Post # 9
    Member
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Given your situation, I think it’s a good idea to cut some from both sides. You don’t have to cut equally, but you should at least do a few token cuts so it doesn’t look like you’re just targeting his family. That being said, all the people he doesn’t know should be gone right away. Then for more cuts, it’s okay to cut those you’re not close to (a lot of couples use the rule that the person gets cut if they haven’t spoken to them in X years), but try to make sure you are both cutting some people.

    Another idea would be to start from scratch on the guest list and write down the people that each of you personally thinks should be invited. After that, depending on what the total number is, you can can give parents a certain small number of people to invite.

    Post # 10
    Member
    28 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @nycsa:  Please please remember that this is YOUR day. Make sure that your close friends are much higher in the invite list than random family who you don’t even know.  And since your dad is paying for it, maybe it would be nice to invite his one friend!!

    Post # 11
    Member
    28 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @mayflowerbride13:  Please please remember that this is YOUR day. Make sure that your close friends are much higher in the invite list than random family who you don’t even know.  And since your dad is paying for it, maybe it would be nice to invite his one friend!!

    Post # 12
    Member
    100 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    YOU can control this one!! Here’s what you do, when you mail invites, cut people as you feel is necessary, based on closeness and groups; then, if she asks,  say “I’m sorry Future Mother-In-Law, Fiance didn’t really know your great aunt’s brother’s cousin, so they had to go; however, if you would like to host them for $X, write Fiance a check, and I’ll send an invite”. however, I wouldn’t give her an indication that I cut anyone; she is so focused on being difficult that she may not notice until after the wedding. This is YOU and Fiance party, and you ultimately control the guest list.

    Post # 13
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Can you give them a number of guests and let them decide?  

    Post # 14
    Member
    1212 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Can you invite great aunt with a guest – then she can choose the cousin to escort her so that technically you are not inviting the cousin?

     

    Not a help with the overall problem, but just a way of dealing with that particular issue.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2711 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I voted other.  I would figure out how many people you can afford divide up the guest list 40/40/20 or something like that.  Your family gets 40%, his family gets 40%, and you and your Fiance get 20% for friends.  And then if you don’t end up using all of your 40 then you can adjust accordingly and give your FI’s family a few more spots.  Good luck!

    Post # 16
    Member
    1294 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think you are totally right here… this is something to stay firm about.

    The topic ‘Chopping the guest list… significantly.’ is closed to new replies.

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