chore chart for married adults

posted 2 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 16
Member
883 posts
Busy bee

A chore chart?? Hmmmm…sorry, I don’t care how pretty you think it is, I would really advise against it.  

I know, I get it, we all have to figure out division of labor in and out of of our households.  Everyone does it differently, everyone has different standards of what is “good enough”, I would venture to say that no households have an exact 50/50 split. 

I love to cook, so do it all, and the grocery shopping.  He doesn’t mind laundry, so does a lot of it.  We’re both really bad at cleaning, so prioritized some $ in the budget for a cleaning lady to come in twice a month, and everything else gets done when it gets done, by whomever.  Neither of us stresses about those things.  We always make time for laughing and fun over anything needing attention around the house. It keeps the peace.  If something really needs to get done, whoever’s bothered by it most generally does it.  For us, it works, but maybe we’re just a lot alike.

Getting back to the chore chart.  Can’t really say this delicately, so…… there’s nothing sexy about a chore chart.  Most guys will take that as being mothered, and literally no guy marries to be mothered.  They had a mother.  He no longer lives with her for a reason.  Keep it sexy.

Good luck!

Post # 17
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

If your husband is on board sure why not? But it sounds like you want to use it to treat him like a child. In that case, it’s a horrible idea.

Post # 18
Member
4798 posts
Honey bee

If you think the chore chart will help him understand what needs to be done around the house and at what frequency, then I would go for it.  Because I will tell you that while housework doesn’t seem like a big deal, the resentment will build up and that does nothing to help a relationship.

 

Post # 19
Member
2962 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
stonerbee420 :  Chore charts are typically for children, so this won’t work if your man is upset or offended by the chart and refuses to use it. The problem with your situation is not that he needs a listing to know what to do; it’s that he doesn’t want to do the chores and that’s why you have to nag him. I would not be okay with my husband only doing dishes as his contribution. 

Post # 20
Member
4798 posts
Honey bee

And to cart ‘s point, it’s not sexy to act like his mother, but it’s also not sexy to act like a child, so he needs to grow up and start helping out more. 

 

Post # 21
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - River Museum & Aquarium

View original reply
stonerbee420 :  If you think if a chart would help, it’s worth a try. My husband and I have different ideas of what is clean enough and what is not. I HATE clutter (mail on the counter, stuff piled up on coffee table, throw pillows out of place), but those things don’t bother him as much, so I do that tidying as it gets to me. 

We do however agree on basic stuff that needs to be done at regular intervals and share in doing those tasks depending on who is available to do them (laundry, dishes, pet stuff, etc). 

One thing that helped us when we moved in together was to determine how often certain things need to be done, and then just do them at that interval. “Hey, did you scoop the cat’s box today?” or “I put in a load of laundry, can you listen for it to be done, and switch it over?” 

Additionally, there are things that I feel like I’m better at (thorough bathroom cleaning) and he’s better at (he moves all the furniture to vacuum EVERY time), so there are a few tasks that we each tend to do exclusively. 

For a while I tried doing certain weekly chores on a specific day of the week to see if I liked that better than taking the time to deep clean once a week on a precious weekend day. I decided I prefer to just get on a roll on the weekend and knock most of it out then, but doing certain things each day of the week might be another thing to try. 

Here’s a link to a nice blog about deciding what works for your family: 
https://www.yourmodernfamily.com/daily-weekly-monthly-cleaning-list/

 

here are a couple charts I referenced when trying to decide which tasks we would do how often: 

Post # 22
Member
7930 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

A friend of mine complained that her Dh never did the things around the house she wanted done. The thing was, he was more than happy to do them if she asked, but he didn’t remember and really didn’t think about it otherwise. I suggested she make a chart and put it on the fridge, and she protested that she shouldn’t have to make up a chart like he was a child. I agreed, but the real question is, do you want to be RIGHT or do you want to be married? 

She chose the former and got increasingly fed up. He kept trying to do what she wanted, but it was never right or done at the right time. They divorced. So my vote is for the chart, but just do a chart on the computer and print it out. Discuss how you want to split things up before you make it, and then tell him you printed it so YOU wouldn’t forget when you planned to do things. 

Post # 23
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee

I know some adult couples who do chore charts. If more adults were open about using them I think the negative “it’s for kids” connotations would go away. 

A chart is just a tool to help get things done efficiently. Try it out with your husband and both use it and mark things off when they get done. If it helps, great. If not, try another tool or system. 

Post # 24
Member
6573 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

we keep a checklist– there are too many things to get done to not have a list somewhere.  Adulting is hard. Adulting isn’t sexy. The gutters have to be cleaned and the dog needs to go to the vet and if you need to write it down to remember and prioritize it, so be it.  I’d rather write down a reminder to refill the dog’s heartworm pills or do the taxes than to forget it and have to scramble at the last minute. 

The more important detail is that you both actually agree on what needs to get done and who needs to do it.  

Post # 25
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
stonerbee420 :  why should you have to “ask” him or he only “helps”?? Wtf, You both work,  you both live in the house.  It should be 5050.Get the chart and divide evenly. DONOT continue to do most of the work. Do not listen to his bs that you stop “bugging” him.  Tell him you would not have to “bug” him if he would ADULT UP AND TAKE THE INITIATIVE as you do….

 

Post # 26
Member
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“you’re  adults  in a relationship, I don’t think a pretty chart is really necessary nor would it resolve the issue of a lazy ass partner who likes to pretend they  can’t see tasks that  need doing around the house.”

Yeah, I kinda agree with this. If it works, great. But he may come to resent a chore chart and see it as your attempt to dictate what he does, which will make him even more stubborn about chores, not less. And no, I don’t think it’s the natural state of “womanhood” to have to beg a spouse to share in household duties that benefit both partners.

Can we talk about this 3 months of non-dish washing? Were you still doing a majority of the chores and thought that he would pick up the slack if he saw that dishes were piling up? The fact that he didn’t do a thing about them and that you both ate from paper plates is …. disturbing. I mean if you were doing it to prove a point, I kinda admire the tenacity. Did anyone say anything about the dishes, or was this a silent stand off? Who cleaned them in the end??

Post # 27
Member
4798 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
echomomm :  The thing was, he was more than happy to do them if she asked, but he didn’t remember and really didn’t think about it otherwise.

The bolded is the problem.  Men know what needs to be done, they just choose to not do it because they are lazy and know that the woman in their life will take care of it.  

“Being an adult” was one of the top qualities I looked for in a partner.  I was not going to take care of my SO.  I wanted a partner, not a child. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors