(Closed) Chore solutions

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

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@MrsPanda99:  +1

My DH says I clean things that “aren’t even dirty.”  So I remind him that germs are invisible.  We have two cats, so vacuuming once a week is a necessity and we could probably stand to do it twice a week.   I am with the other posters who recommend giving him a choice of which chores to do so he will be more apt to do them.  Also, I hope he doesn’t start to clean the litterbox less than once a week or you could be dealing with some unhappy cats and new places to clean….

Post # 19
2774 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Ordinarily when one spouse has higher standards of orderliness/cleanliness than the other, I think that the neater spouse needs to either let some things go or else accept that they will be doing more of the chores.

… But that’s when – for example – the neater spouse feels like the house isn’t clean unless s/he can see vacuum tracks and the “messier” spouse is okay with vacuuming twice a month or so… NOT when the messier spouse doesn’t want to do ANY chores and thinks living in filth is an option.  That’s just ridiculous.

Make a list of all the chores that need to be done daily, weekly, and monthly.  Ask him which chores he finds the least offensive and ask him to do those.  If he refuses, tell him you will be hiring a cleaning person to do a monthly “deep clean” because while you are okay with doing some chores (like all adults should be, even if it’s not your choice way to spend the day…) you aren’t willing to continue doing everything and nor are you willing to live in an episode of Hoarders.

Post # 20
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

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@kay01:  This is absurd.

Appeal to him on the platform that you’re simply not going to put up with it anymore, I understand that he’s in a funk, life is getting him down and that even watching you take care of your house wears him out…that’s just too fucking bad….because this isn’t just about cleaning, or dishes or a cat box…it’s about pride in your home, care and concern for the things and people in it and respect for each other to make your shared space a happy, peaceful refuge from the outside world.

You two are supposed to be partners, and be able to count and lean on each other as needed in any capacity, because we all need a helping hand now and then…I would tell him that I’m quite finished with two things:

1.  Living in a stye

2.  Arguing about who is going to clean it up.

So you are going to clean and pick up and scrub and dust until your house feels like a place you want to be in and he can either:

1. Help.

2. Shut the hell up about it because its happening.


Post # 21
3551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Fiance and I do not like cleaning, but we have found that it works best when we both clean at the same time. We don’t have to be doing the same thing, but if we both clean for the same length of time we feel that we are doing it equally even if I clean the kitchen, living room, and bathroom when he just does the office (yeah, you don’t want to know how messy the office was). Cleaning at the same time also prevents one of us from feeling guilty for sitting around while the other works.

Post # 22
2830 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Neither of us likes to clean. But I need to have it clean; he doesn’t. He also doesn’t do as good of a job as I do. Cleaning is just a half assed chore that I make him do, so I’d rather just do it myself. Perhaps you can just give him a few things that he’s fully responsible for. Maybe taking out the trash, vacuuming and doing yard work.

Post # 23
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I do all of the chores in our house because I don’t work, so when my husband gets home, we get to just enjoy each other’s company.  We are still able to save for retirement as well as short term savings because we are able to eat out less, cook from scratch, etc., which saves us money on our food bill.

Post # 25
7641 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@kay01:  Chores he thinks we should do a lot less frequently: Sheets, cat litter, toliet

Well, I say let him poop in the toilet for a week and a half an never flush and see how he likes it since he wants to do the same to the cat (and let’s see if he’d let cleaning go on it then as well). Even once a week is teetering on the edge of disgusting for not cleaning out the litter box.

If he doesn’t like you cleaning because he’s too lazy to he really just needs to shut up because honestly at least you’re doing it. If it fatigues him then he needs to leave when you clean or man up and help. Then you will get it done sooner and he can regain his composure faster.

Post # 26
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Maybe he’s intimidated by chores?

Sometimes people don’t know how to do things, or have never done then, and don’t realize that chores are not hard at all. Seriously.

Maybe you need to show him how to do all of your chores once, and then you and him can choose which chores you do, and which chores he does (don’t let him choose the easiest ones! make things fair!). I would then give him accolades and gold stars for putting in work. You don’t think you should/need to, but guess what? Whatever gets results…

Good luck!

(ps: if your house is super dirty, maybe it would be a good idea to hire a professional cleaner to do a thorough cleaning from top to bottom, and then you and him can keep up the tidiness afterwards?)

Post # 28
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@kay01:  hm. Then…. that sucks : S

Sorry about your situation!

Post # 29
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Heres my soulution to his laziness…Its going to come off as extremely snarky, but its honestly solutions.. somethings you can change.. some not…

Cleaning schedule (roughly):

  • Dishes Use paper plates,cups and plastic utensils.. no dishes to do anymore 
  • Load & empty dishwasher never.. your throwing away after you eat
  • Floor – Put down paper, taht way you never have to vacuum, toss paper after a week(unless thats to tiring for him also… Or get rid of the cat…
  • Vacumn small carpet – Paper solution also
  • Mop floor – IMO this should be done without a doubt once a week! so no around this…
  • Tub – IMO again this shoujld be done once a week
  • Toliet – Again once a week
  • Sheets (please do not judge), Buy like 4 sets and keep swaping them out until they get washed
  • Cat litter (DH does) – You start doing it.. or Get rid of the cat.. no more dealing with dirty liter
  • Laundry – 2-3 loads every 1.5-2 weeks(<- I wanna learn how its only 2-3 loads for 1.5-2 weeks.. i would love that.. unless your going naked or wearing dirty undies..)
  • Trash out – 1-2x a week
  • Dusting – Weekly
  • Clean inside of fridge 2-3x a year
  • Clean microwave inside 1/year


Post # 31
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@kay01:  She was joking, I think.

You need to tell your husband that he has to do one of two things: either act like an adult and let you clean, or act like an adult and clean with you.  

In our house, I empty the dishwasher and put dishes away, but I don’t like to fill the dishwasher, so my husband does that.  He hates putting dishes away, so this works perfectly.  I do the laundry because he hates it.  He fixes things and vacuums when he feels like it.  I vacuum more often, but I don’t mind.  I clean the cat box (once a week — you should get the World’s Best Cat Litter — it literally doesn’t smell).  


I want to know why you have so many dishes.  We run the dishwasher about once a week — when it’s full.  

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