(Closed) Christian Bees, am I being selfish?

posted 3 years ago in Christian
  • poll: Should I give in and get married in a church?
    Yes : (7 votes)
    7 %
    No, you do you boo : (85 votes)
    82 %
    Pray about it! : (12 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 31
    342 posts
    Helper bee

    We eloped then later had our vows blessed in the church.  At the church it was just us and our witnesses and the priest.  You could have your wedding the way you want and then quietly go to the church another day with his parents and have your vows blessed.

    Post # 32
    949 posts
    Busy bee

     I would get married at your chosen venue and I’m saying that as someone who happily chose to get married in her parish church. It just made the most sense, given that I got married in winter and my local winter climate and outdoor weddings aren’t exactly compatible 😀 I would have felt just as married in the eyes of God if I’d gotten married outside, as it’s more about being married by a minister than anything else. It’s not like God can only be found in church buildings…

    Post # 33
    245 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2022

    Can you have the reception in the venue and the ceremony in a church? Most people are fighting to get into a church!! 😂

    Im wondering if you’re rebelling a little against being told what to do? If that’s the case then doing the opposite is still letting them dictate to you. 

    Post # 34
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    Think about it this way: years from now will be happy with your decision to get married where you want or do you think your future in laws will resent you for this? 

    I had a similar issue in my family and they in laws still complain about it to this day! 

    Post # 35
    268 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    My husband was raised Catholic (his parents are very strongly Catholic), however he renounced the Catholic religion a few years ago, and now we go to a non-denom/Baptist rooted church.  His parents were upset we didn’t have a catholic wedding, and my parents were upset that we didn’t have a church wedding, but I really fought for a garden ceremony.  I think we were able to glorify God in our garden ceremony and the love of Christ was communicated quite clearly.  Maybe tell them about the  details of the ceremony you want so that they can see that there will still be traditional Christian elements despite it not being in a church? 

    Post # 36
    972 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I think you are not being selfish at all. I know it’s tricky because of FIL’s opinion. But I guess it could come down to what your purpose for the day is or your beliefs regarding “the church’s” role in it. 

    If you believe that ultimately your wedding is about you, your groom, and exchanging vows before God, the church really has no role – as a building or institution to lend authority. The authority and blessing and validity of your marriage comes from God alone and your covenant with each other before Him. Your vows are made to each other from each other.  And location doesn’t matter.

    If you don’t really want to have the ceremony in a church but believe that a member of the church or your denomination must play some role to make your marriage valid, I think still having it in the church does lend that sense of tradition as well as portraying that the church has an authority in your marriage (as well as God). You might show that you give the church an authority in the vows you make and essentially the right to validate or invalidate your vows. And having your wedding in the physical location of the church would seem important in that case as the proper/blessed authoritative location even if you’d like somewhere else.

    But if you simply want to send a message to the people attending that your faith is important to you, there are many so other ways to incorporate that besides a church – if that isn’t what you want. The building is just a place…

    Post # 37
    9802 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    We had our ceremony outside but it was still religious. We aren’t big church goers and really both feel closer to God up in the mountains. Every religious aspect of our ceremony felt more genuine at our outside venue than it would have been in a church.

    Quite frankly, this decision has nothing to do with your in-laws. They are the selfish ones in this situation.

    Post # 38
    135 posts
    Blushing bee

    My SO and I are both strong, conservative Christians (no premarital sex, premarital cohabitation, etc.), but I see absolutely no problem with being married outside of a church. Seriously, it’s a building…..

    In fact, my SO and I are planning to elope in Yosemite on top of a mountain (or somewhere similar)! Having a Godly marriage has nothing to do with where the ceremony takes place.

    Plenty of people get married in a church, but have the furthest thing from a Godly marriage.

    Post # 39
    9563 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I’m not Christian, fwiw, but frankly–if it were your Fiance who wanted a church, that’d be one thing.  His parents bullying the two of you is them being selfish, not you.

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