(Closed) Christian bees who waited until marriage… (or are still waiting)

posted 6 years ago in Christian
Post # 32
Member
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

How long were you waiting for? We were both virgins.  I was 23 and Darling Husband was 27. We dated for 11 months and were married at 1year, 3 months together. 

Did you wait with previous relationships? Yes.  I never really had a serious boyfriend before him.  He had a couple serious relationships but he waited through both of them as well

What did you constitute as ‘waiting’ (Intercourse? All sexual activity? etc)?  Almost all sexual activity.  I didn’t even want to kiss until after we were engaged.  He would kiss my hand and forehead but that was it until we got engaged. Then we would kiss, but that was the extent of it. 

How much knowledge do you consider you have about sex?  I feel like I had a fairly healthy knowledge of it.  Both of us worked with abstinence groups all through high school/college plus reading themarriagebed.com and the blog, To Love, Honor and Vaccum were both really helpful for me.   As far as BC, I have to be on it for other, fairly serious health issues anyway, so we never really had a choice.  I would love to not be on it, but I like not living in constant pain better so I opt to stay on it. 

Neither of us regret that we waited.  It was hard for sure and our wedding night was awkward, but it was romantic too. I don’t have to worry about Darling Husband measuring me up to someone else (which I am so thankful for!  Sex has not been easy for me because of the health issues and I know that it’s been hard on him too but we’re working through it together and it’s 100x better than when we got married even). Congrats on waiting!  It’s an awesome decision 😉 


Post # 33
Member
327 posts
Helper bee

How long were you waiting for? My whole life. I’m waiting until marriage.

Did you wait with previous relationships? This is my first serious relationship.

What did you constitute as ‘waiting’ (Intercourse? All sexual activity? etc)? All activity.

How much knowledge do you consider you have about sex? A quite decent amount. I am nearly 20 so it would be kind of weird if I had no clue in the world I live in. I don’t live under a rock, lol.

Post # 33
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

View original reply
FutureMrsSarah:  

How long were you waiting for?”

To be honest, I was petrified of intercourse.   I wasn’t eager about it.  I didn’t have a lot of opportunities to have sex, but I did try to remain chaste and avoid a lot of sexual activities before marriage.  In the end, though. I was 29 when I married and was still a virgin.

“Did you wait with previous relationships?”

I was in one serious relationship prior to dating my husband.  We were both committed to waiting.  We disagreed on how far was too far.  That and a disagreement over how frequently we should go to church seemed to heavily influence our break up.  So yea, I’d say we waited, though I do wish I hadn’t been so emotionally invested in that relationship.

What did you constitute as ‘waiting’ (Intercourse? All sexual activity? etc)?

When I was young, I thought it was just avoiding intercourse.  I didn’t know what else there was besides that and kissing and cuddling.    I never found kissing and cuddling a big deal until I started considering them near occassions of sin.  After I married, I realized that what is forbidden often heightens desires.  And that means normally benign activity that should be normal can become sexually tense.  The more you back away, the more it starts feeling you have to restrict to remain pure.

I tended to feel like a greater failure than I was.  I just was clueless about what “sexual activity” was aside from intercourse and didn’t understand the chastity talks that said “Asking how far was too far” assumed that people wanted intercourse so badly that they were trying to see how far they could get away with without having intercourse.    I took it as “sex is more than just intercourse.  Oh my gosh, though, now the line between affection and sexual is so blurred, I don’t know when I’ve crossed it.”

So I remained in a state of crossing the boundaries I set for myself, then going back behind them and reconvicting myself about them to eventually break them again.  And we never had intercourse and a few other things.  But then there is some behavior I still would never do.  So I’ll just say I waited.

“How much knowledge do you consider you have about sex?”

Right now?  Well, I’ve been married for 4 years.  I do now think that there are the general sexual stereotypes that everyone openly talks about fairly well even in Christian circles.  Then there are the intimate details that you don’t want to share with others.  It’s private and it isn’t their business.  But I don’t think the experience of sex is the same for everyone.  It’s not even just that there are some taboo behaviors or even orientations.  And, honestly, I don’t want to talk about the details over how its different from what I expected because its personal. 

Post # 34
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
FutureMrsSarah:  

How long were you waiting for?

My whole life I married at 26.

Did you wait with previous relationships?

i had lots of friendships and fun times but no serious or intimate relationships 

What did you constitute as ‘waiting’ (Intercourse? All sexual activity? etc)?

A lot of cuddles, kisses on the cheek and the occasional peck on the lips but always fully dressed and nothing intentionally sexual.  

How much knowledge do you consider you have about sex?

I read a lot so lots of theory and ideas, but absolutely no practical experience. <br style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-height: 1000000px;” /><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-height: 1000000px;” />

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by  S-Bride.

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