Post # 1
Hey Christian Bees, how do you encourage your FI/DH to pursue Christ? My Fiance grew up in church but has gotten off track. He goes to church no problem and if I read the bible/do devotions, he will sit with me but he doesnt verbalize anything with me after. He feels uncomfortable doing mens bible study and I think it boils down to he just feels uncomfrotable verbalizing things. I dont want to push him but I want to be an example to him and perhaps he will make the choice himself, to pick up a bible without me doing it first, or perhaps do mens stuff at our church. For a while, he was reading a daily devotion book (small paragraph each day), and he would ask to pray before meals, etc. But he has gotten off that track and now I am the one always inititating everything. I know he has it in him to do these things, he just backslides a bit. So, how are you an example to your SO? How do you stop yourself from becoming frustrated that he isnt being a leader? How do you encourage him and most of all, how do you show that your respect him regardless of his lack of effort at times?
If you are not Christian, I welcome you to join in and talk about how you encourage your SO. It doesnt just have to be about Godly things. However, I am not interested in this thread becoming a fight over religion or beliefs. Thanks!
Post # 3
I think with anything in life most people like to be led by example. One thing I just read in this book Fiance and I are reading together is that if one of the people in a relationship is pursuing God and the other is slacking, your best bet is to pray for them and keep trucking. Pray that he will have the desire to pursue God and not just do it to please you. Still respect and honor him even if he’s not quite there yet. And in the mean time, do what you need to do by pursuing Him on your own. Don’t slack, and don’t be hypocritical by doing things that are opposed to what the Bible teaches. If he sees you diligently working on yourself this way, and he sees you growing, he may be more motivated to pick up the pace.
Post # 4
@Galang_Gyal Can I ask what book you guys are reading? We just started reading Love and Respect.
Post # 5
@MissEMich: Darling Husband and I went through Love and Respect before we got engaged, and it has been so helpful in our relationship. I highly highly recommend it!
Post # 6
My Fiance encouraged me to be less of a lukewarm Christian. It’s funny, we were both raised in church, and both moved away from God in our college years. I got back into it and that helped him. After a big life event that left me questioning God, I moved away from Him again but Fiance just kept getting closer. His diligence with doing the Love Dare on me (highly recommend!) and reading the Bible and journaling about it every day made ME want that same relationship with God. Just lead by example. Many prayers for you and hugs!
Post # 7
@MissEMich: I’m a Christian. The way I see this issue is this – each person created by God has their own individual spiritual journey to make, with no need for interference from anyone else. And it is an extremely personal thing between each person and God – and nobody else.
If I were you, I would pursue my own spiritual beliefs and keep my opinion about his beliefs and spiritual pursuits to myself. He has a right to worship God in his own way, any way he chooses. Pray for him, of course, but pray for him to be blessed and safe and to hear the voice of God.
For all you know, inside of himself, your husband may have a deeper and more profound relationship with God than you can imagine. Be respectful and let him worship in his own private way.
Post # 8
My fiance and I are getting on track together, although I feel a bit further along because I’m digging deep and working hard. He has his own way of doing things and perhaps your husband is the same way.
But my fiance and I started attending church regularly a few months ago. My whole like I asked questions but got messed up answers or none at all most of the time. So now that he and I are working together, I discuss my questions with him. Things I don’t understand. i ask him what his opinion is on certain subjects, express why I feel a certain way, and we openly and freely discuss our faith. I had a lot of questions and he’s open to them so we discuss them together and they are also many questions he had as well.
This opened the door for him, got him thinking more about his faith and on track. I didn’t do it for him, he did it himself, I just allowed the oppenness and free discussions. We also discuss things frequently, sins, ways to be closer to god, things we want involving out faith etc.
Bible reading and prayer are wonderful things, but what seems to work best for us is open discussion on topics. There are many things in the bible that could be discussed. Even things that could be debated. We both listen to eachother, we gain from the others perspective and it helps a lot.
I also try not to push him into church things. He goes to church every week which is great, but pushing them could push them away. He will get there when he is ready.
Post # 9
We grew up in Lutheran schools together, go to church together every week, talk about it a little, but for me, and him somewhat, it’s much more an internal relationship. We are very religious but don’t talk about it all that much. It’s more of a personal preference if it’s something he’s comfortable talking about or not
Post # 10
As someone who was born and raised a Catholic… please don’t pressure.
Faith is a very intimate, very personal thing. Being pressured into it is doing it asking someone to do it for the wrong reason.
Please do not pressure, live by example.
Edit: One of the (many) reasons I lost my faith was pressure. Being pressured to do this, that and the other. Go to church, pray faithfully, read my biible, so on and so forth. No one should tell someone how they should or shouldn’t worship, nor should they tell them that they aren’t doing it enough/doing it right.
Post # 11
@Hyperventilate: I was also raised Catholic and feel the same way you do. Interesting!
Post # 12
I love this question because while I am not Christian, I am spiritual and it’s a pretty big part of my life. I trust God brought us together for a reason but do question why am I so in touch and Fiance just seems to go along, with no real interest? He doesn’t actively go against anything I say and certainly supports it but I would love to talk about God to him a lot more than we do. I also get a little sad sometimes because I wonder if he knows God is here for us?
Right now I just talk about my beliefs and trust that eventually, he will come around. Or that maybe this is my lesson…to just be an example of belief?
He was married before to a woman that was Christian. Her family judged him for a lot…he wasn’t involved enough, he wasn’t doing this that and other. He didn’t like that…it turned him off. This is also why I don’t want to be pushy…I don’t even attend church. But ya…I wish he’d see what I see. 😉
Post # 13
@MissEMich: We are reading “The Christian Family” by Frederick Price.
Post # 14
@Sunfire: I don’t know if it was my Catholic upbringing that brought me to this point or what, but I feel that Catholics in general are very pushy and strict and that’s where I disagree so much. I just like to preface responses with, “I was once a Catholic so…” because I’m not 100% it didn’t have a part in how I feel today. Catholicism wasn’t the faith for me, but it definitely showed me how I didn’t like to be treated in a faith environment.
Post # 15
Is there a way that your husband prefers to worship? For example, my husband isn’t interested in doing men’s Bible studies, but he’s a musician and really enjoys worshipping through music and will sometimes play for the contemporary services at our church.
You guys can absolutely share in your faith even if you’re pursuing it in different ways — ways that make you both feel comfortable, fulfilled, and closer to God. 🙂
Post # 16
I don’t have a ton of advice, because Darling Husband is a campus pastor and it’s not something we’ve really had to work through. But, when we were dating, we made it a point to read from the Bible each week. For the first 4 months after we were married, we really didn’t. We had a VERY rough situation that we were working though and he felt discouraged and like he wasn’t really leading our family well. I finally started asking if we could read again and now we’re back to doing it weekly and he leads in it.
A book that helped both of us a lot is Sacred Marriage. There is a devotional book that goes along with it and is awesome to use! There is a companion book for wives, Sacred Influence, that might really help you here. The wife book was a little hard to relate to at times because it does deal a lot with abuse, but I learned a lot and thought it was really helpful!