posted 6 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would say don’t worry about what other people tell you that you should do in your relationship. One of the great things about a personal relationship with God is that you can pray and listen and decide for yourself what God wants you to do.

There are Christians who believe you should never spend time with an unbeliever. There are Christiasn who believe a relationship is a great way to bring somone to God. There are Christians who believe a great and loving relationship is a gift from God, no matter the “salvation status” of the person you love.

You’ll get different advice from each (usually phrased in the strongest possible terms) and you’ll often get from them a horrified reaction if you aren’t sure you agree.

But if you take your concerns to God, you’ll get the answer that’s right for you, and for your relationship with your boyfriend, and for your relationship with God.

Post # 4
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

At this point be grateful he is open to anything. His faith choice should be his and his alone. Truly, the only thing you can do is lead by example a good Christian lifestyle (and show him what good things it has brought you), pray about it and be open to his questions. This could be your cross to bear right now.

However, if he does not have a faith path at the time you think a proposal could come then you need to decided for yourself if it is imporatant to marry someone with the same beliefs as you. Right now it sounds like this is a struggle so if he were not to be “saved” is this something you could be ok with for the rest of your life?

Post # 5
30 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am a believer and my Fiance isn’t.  When we started dating, I wasn’t either, but then two years in, I gave my life to Christ.  We are getting married in June, and it hasn’t always been an easy road.  Finding a church alone for the ceremony has been a real headache. 

We put the same physical boundaries on our realtionship as christians, attend church together every sunday, and he reads the bible nightly. He’s getting there, but not quite.  Its really hard, stressful and overwhelming.  I dont think its fair for people to tell you not to be with him, but you also need to think of what it is doing to you.  

My Fiance isn’t seeking god for me, he’s seeking god for him.  that makes a big difference.  Honestly, maybe don’t break up with him, but waiting longer might not be a bad choice.  


for me, I had to stop listening to other people.  But rather, I had a lot fo heart to hearts with him and decided what i wanted.  Us being together was still conditional on him continuing to go to church.  

Post # 6
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Your purpose in his life may be to lead him to God. Be sure he’s doing it for himself and not you though. My fiancé wasn’t going to church when we first started talking, but I told him if he wanted to spend time with me on Sunday’s illnbe at church and he can sit next to me there. He eventually accepted God on his own not long after. I can’t take credit, but I’m glad I didn’t waiver on my stance.

Post # 9
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@KaylieJordan14:  Yes, I do.

Pray to do the best you can in your own life, and let God take care of the rest.

I am a champion at trying to control things by stressing over them! It doesn’t work, no matter how hard I wring my hands 🙂 Take some deep breaths, and pray for stillness and peace in your heart. And while you let things run their natural course, whatever that is, enjoy all the wonderful things in this person that God has brought into your life.

Post # 10
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Cedar Lake Cellars

I know that you asked for advice from Christians but I just wanted to add one thing, FWIW.  I am a completely open, non-judgmental, non-beliver.  So, from that perspective, I sugest you aske yourself if you’d be okay if he never does truly find god.  It sounds like you two love each other now, even without his full devotion to Christianity.  But, I would be unfair to comit to him conditonally.  You don’t want to get engaged if you only want to marry if he becomes saved. 

Good luck to both of you on your enagagement and your journeys in faith.

Post # 11
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’ve been in that situation before and it was rough.. tormenting sometimes, so I uderstand the mental and spiritual conflict you must be going through.  My advice to you is to take it to God honestly in prayer, and until you are sure that you are being led by God, and not your own emotions, however strong they may be, do not pursue marriage.  Many non-believers come to God through a believing friend, but there really is no guarantee.  There is a guarantee though that God will bless your union (with this guy or any other) if you trust Him and make Him the center of your relationship.  Remember that if you are trying to lead your guy to Christ, you must be first setting a true Christian example for him.  Otherwise you’re drawing both of you away from the God you serve.

Post # 12
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I also think you should try and just take a step back. 

I know how much you love this man and have been intertwined in his life, but that  also runs the risk of skewing your vision. You have a great head on your shoulders , and know that you can’t make him a believer, only the Lord can in his own sweet timing. 

Personally , in a situation like this, I would never truly know if my partner did it for me just to speed things along and placate me or if it was truly his own acceptance of Jesus as his Lord and Savior.

There are some awesome books out their about ladies in waiting and finding their Boaz instead of Bozo! ( haha, a little book of Ruth joke). Even when I was in a relationship with a God fearing man, and in an engagement I surrounded myself with this type of material. It showed me about the beauty of singleness, and its place in a Godly life as well as courtship and direction for a young woman’s life. 

Edit: I also have read some of your other posts, and I think there are some red flags scattered about. I think your funk is also related to the reality that you and your b/f are not on the same page spiritually, and may never be. You posed some doubts, and I think you should take a second look at them.

Post # 13
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I currently started going to my Fiance church where I will be the ‘unbeliever’ (to put it that way)

I am truly enjoying it and as written in the Bible:
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 

My FI has taken the responsibility to HELP open my eyes yet he has left it up to me and I am really trying I no i fail at times but he is very patient with me and I love him more with that. Hey you may be the one that has brought another son of God (your Fiance ) back to God. Stand strong and be helpful not pushy. Have faith for both of you. 

Once he is trying be thankful for small steps.:)

Post # 14
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@KaylieJordan14:  What fellow believers are telling you about not being unequally yoked is a Biblical principle, and it’s a vitally important one.

Does God love both you and your S.O.? Absolutely!! Could God be using your relationshp with your S.O. to help draw your S.O. closer to the Lord? Yes, he certainly could be.

However — and this is a BIG however, that does not mean that it is God’s will for you to be dating your S.O. or for you to marry him. Obviously, I don’t know God’s specific plan for your life or for your S.O.s, but I can — with great confidence — tell you that it is not ever going to be God’s will for a strong Christian to marry someone who is not also a committed believer and follower of Jesus Christ.  Your S.O. could eventually BECOME that person. However, I would not ever, ever, ever counsel a Christian woman to marry a man who does not love Jesus MORE than he loves her.

It’s vital to keep in mind that God has a perfect will for your life. None of us is perfect, and none of us is going to navigate our way through our entire life without making some mistakes. We’re human. We have emotions. The Bible speaks of the war that occurs between our “flesh” (i.e. our mind, will, emotions) and our “spirit.”  It is not a common theme in this modern world in which we live to think in terms of ourselves, as Christians, having to “die” to our own wants and desires or to “surrender” our will to the will of God. Not only does this sound completely crazy to non-Christians, it probably something that is not very comfortable to many believers! However, this is EXACTLY what Jesus commands us to do. Whoever loses his life for Christ’s sake will truly find his life. A fundamental truth of the Christian faith is that we must indeed die to live.

This type of thinking sounds absolutely ridiculous to those who do not know Christ.  It sounds incredibly “restrictive” — as if God is just up there waiting to drop a lightning bolt on our heads, waiting to tell us what we’re doing wrong, and wanting to keep us from having fun.  NOTHING could be farther from the truth, however. God’s love for us is SO great that no human being — not even our own parents or spouses — could EVER, EVER come CLOSE to loving us as much as God loves us. And, unlike the humans in our lives, God IS perfect. He is and provides EVERYTHING we have need of. But we need to be willing to surrender everything we are, everything we have, to His plan, his will. When we do that, he often will take things, and even relationships, out of our lives. But he ALWAYS replaces them with things that are even better for us.  Even if what is better for us for a season is to be by ourselves.  I can tell you that, when I finally realized this, I was far, far, far, far, far happier and more content with my life single, than I was dating someone who was not God’s will for me. When I insisted on holding on to the wrong relationship, I was literally limiting what God could do in my life at that time, and I did not even know it. However, Romans 8:28 still held true. God, indeed, works out everything for our good if we are called according to His purposes. Even our mistakes. 🙂

I did not meet or marry my Godly Darling Husband until I was in my mid 40s, and I have been following Jesus for most of my life.  I first accepted him as a child, but I didn’t truly commit my life to him until I was 18.  When I was in college, I met a guy and fell in love. He was “Christian,” but he was not really fully committed to the Lord.  Because we both were young, we ended up staying in a relationshp for almost three years, but, he was not God’s choice of a husband for me. God allowed that relationship to end without my having to make any choices to make that happen. I cried buckets of tears, but I was much better off in the long run. After college, when I was out on my own, I ended up getting into two relationships, one right after the other, with guys from my church. I figured, if I dated a committed Christian, then I would be right where God wanted me to be. Nope. Both relationships turned out to be very bad for me. Neither was “the one.”

Finally, I met a guy who was “perfect” in so many ways. He was nice, sweet, sincere, funny, intelligent, not to mention drop-dead gorgeous, and he had a wonderful, amazing family. He and his family really love God.  It seemed so wonderful, but, yet, I had nagging doubts, because we were from two different branches of Christianity, and neither of us felt as if we could leave our own faith for the other person’s church. I kept wondering how our relationship was going to work.  EVERYONE, including my strong Christian family and friends, thought I should marry him.  When he eventually asked after almost three years of dating, I said “yes.” But, deep in my heart, I KNEW that things just were not right. Long story short, with God’s help, I eventually came to the conclusion that, although I loved my then-FI, and he was perfect in SO many ways, I just could NOT marry him, because God had something else for me.  If I truly wanted God’s plan for my life, I had to be willing to walk away, trust God, and wait.

I had NO idea that I would have to wait another 17 years!!! If I had, I don’t know if I could have had as much trust and faith as I did along the way. However, in HIS timing, God brought my Darling Husband into my life, and He allowed me to marry the man HE had chosen for me. I am now married to a pastor!! 🙂

You will need to decide if you truly want God’s best for your life — whatever that is — even if it costs you that which is most precious to you right now.  If you fully submit and surrender this choice to the Lord, HE will show you what to do.  Trust in His will AND His timing for your life. Do not move ahead without Him.  He has a wonderful plan for your life, but you need to trust that He will do what is best for you — and your S.O.!


Post # 16
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Could you be scared of living with him?  I saw in one of your posts you were thinking of moving in together.  

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