Christian perspective on sleeping in the same bed?

posted 5 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Sleeping next to someone is one of the best feelings on Earth.  When I was much younger, I slept with my first boyfriend on many occasions before we ever had sex.  (We didn’t actually have sex for almost a year.)  It is completely possible to sleep with someone without “sleeping” with someone; however, it requires a great amount of self-control, and there’s a good possibility that either you or your SO will become very frustrated with the situation at some point.  Consider it this way–It’s like hanging out in a warm kitchen that smells like chocolate chip cookies while knowing that you’re not supposed to eat any.  The longer you’re in the kitchen, the more likely you are to say, “I don’t even care anymore.  Just give me the stupid cookie!”

Post # 5
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Kacey23:  I actually have two friends who lived together and slept in bed together every night, and still waited until their wedding night to have sex for thr first time.  I don’t think I could do it, but it can be done.

Post # 6
10589 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

People should do what’s right from them.

Post # 7
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I am waiting until marriage, though it is not from a Christian stance. Either way, my SO and I have been together 3+ years and sleep together every night. We will be officially moving into our own place in March. I will say that we are comfortable with each other and each other’s bodies, I am not sure if this would work for people who hardly touch and aren’t comfortable with any nudity. We have defined our own terms on what “waiting” means to us, so we simply do not have intercourse, but we are familiar with our sexuality. That is the most PC way I can say that. If you have a man you trust, it can be done. 

Also, if people judge you, what does that say about them? Who cares what people think. There are rules in religion, yet sometimes life happens, and you want/need to live together or sleep in the same bed. That’s not a bad thing at all. 

Slybrarian +1

Post # 8
9 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

People can set their own boundaries, but every couple should have established boundaries which should be verbalized as soon as possible in the relationship.


It should not be a matter of how close the couple can get to the line without going over it. Make your decision of where the line comes and with your actions, dont do anything that leads you “close” to temptation or compromising sitautions. Also consider those around you, this is your chance to edify them as part of The Body of Christ.

Post # 9
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My husband and I were extremely sexually active long before we were married. We moved in together after six months of dating and were engaged after 2 years of dating.

during our engagement we both became close to our faith, it took time but eventually we agreed to abstain until the wedding night. We were already living together for two years so there was no point in moving out just to move back in together. The bed we had was our bed and neither of us wanted to sleep on the couch so we slept Jin bed together. It was hard to abstain this way but fighting the temptation helped us grow stronger.

we were baptized together before the wedding and decided to start over from the baptism and abstain, try and live the life God wanted for us. It was worth it completely. The one problem that arose from us living together was out officiant. We both agreed that the most important thing about when where and how we were getting married was that we used a pastor as our officiant, that we be married with God as the center focus of the marriage. We asked my husbands uncle and three months before the wedding he called us and said it had been bothering him for a while and that he could not marry us. He didn’t say what was bothering him but the whole family was certain that it was because my husband and I lived together and were not married. This caused family tension and my husbands dad and uncle weren’t talking. 

I was hurt at first as well but I came around and realized he didn’t know our situation and he only went by what he knew. Ideally he would have sat us down and asked us allowing us time to explain the changes we’d made but that’s not what happened so we found a new officiant, the preacher at our own church and the wedding went beautifully and in our church.

as for others, we are all on a different path in life, at a different pace than others and I don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors nor do I know what’s in the hearts of others so I don’t give any thought to what others are doing in their relationship, that’s between the. And God and none of my business

Post # 10
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Kacey23:  I think that couples need to do what works for them. 

I have heard that religious leaders often disapprove of sleeping in the same bed if sex before marriage is counterindicated because of appearance sake.  So if you are abstinant for religious reasons you might want to talk to your religious leader.

Post # 11
589 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Scottish Rite Cathedral (New Castle, PA)

That would be my Fiance and I! We live together and have for almost a year now, we sleep in the same bed every night and we are not having sex until the wedding. It was one of the things we talked about on our 2nd date, Fiance didn’t want the relationship going anywhere if sex was expected so we’ve been very clear since the beginning that we weren’t having sex until marriage. I think having that line set makes it easier, there’s no expectation and we’re both on board. That’s not to say it still isn’t difficult or frustrating at times but at the end of the day we’re both happy with the decision so we’re never frustrated with each other. We have taken a lot of crap about living together before marriage and judgment from other Christians. I think it’s pretty ridiculous, I have many friends who have sex with their significant others and they don’t live together (and friends who don’t live together and don’t have sex). I don’t think living together has anything to do with it, it’s what each couple decides they want to do. 

Post # 11
1 posts

edepp2010:  I’m not a religious person, so I can’t really answer from that perspective. But when I read the part about others judging, I applied it to my sistuation a little differently. I believe that the Creator of sex designed it to be enjoyed best in its proper context; between a man and women who commit their lives to each other. We commonly call it marriage. And if sleeping in the same bed without sex or sexual activity is achieved, it can still present a probably to others. I wouldn’t care too much for judgement but more so for the message it sends or the example it sets. I know that it’s possible for me and my SO to do so but it could mean my sons thinks it’s a smart move to do when he gets a girlfriend one day, yet what it does is present temptation and frustration. 

Post # 12
38 posts
  • Wedding: January 2016

We are Christian… but also don’t think there’s anything wrong with sleeping together before marriage, euphemistically or just sleeping. I also don’t think I personally could have slept in the same bed with my fiance more than a few times without having sex–but I’m sure there are people who can!

Post # 13
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

In high school, I thought I had wanted to wait until marriage.  So when I moved in with my then-boyfriend, we slept in the same bed with no sex.  Not to say NOTHING happened… because things did happen, but nothing we hadn’t done before.  Others didn’t necessarily believe us, but that’s our business and not theirs.  I don’t recall anything in the Bible dictating whether or not to be an a semi-unconscious state proximal to your intended.

Post # 14
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Backyard

My fiance and I are waiting until we are married to have sex but we do live together and sleep in the same bed. There have been a handful of times when the temptation has been really really strong. Overall though, just cuddling is so satisfying that we haven’t had a problem with temptation. Most people haven’t been very judgemental. Those who we feel might be, we just don’t tell that we’re living together.

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