Post # 46
bee, I am Christian and I didn’t wait for marriage. In fact, I WISH I had more sexual partners prior to Fiance. Why? Because at the time, I wanted to follow through and I steered clear out of “fear” of other people’s opinions, “fear” of shame and “fear” of God. I did not do what my soul was yearning for, and now I have regrets because I feel I have missed out on something.
I firmly believe that God doesn’t want me to “fear” Him; He wants me to trust in him, and to enjoy the delicacies that he has created. And for those that want to judge me for my interpretation of the bible, make sure your hands are clean!!!
I want to pass on some advice my mother gave me when I was a teenager: “do not have sex because you think it’ll “fix” your relationship, or because you think it’ll bind you as a couple. do not have sex if a man wants you to prove your love for him, nor should you have sex because others think it is right. only have sex for YOU. because YOU want it, because it feels right for YOU. and if you listen carefully and follow these instructions, you will never feel an ounce of guilt in your life!”.
Essentially, what I am trying to say bee is, whether you save it for marriage or whether you give it away to your partner…this is a personal choice. If you feel like you coulnd’t forgive yourself or that you would feel shame, then it won’t make a difference to follow the advice of a more sexually liberated bee. And if you FEEL that it is right, following the advice of a devout Christian will be no good to you either…
Listen to the music of your soul; only you truly know what is best for you, your Fiance and your circumstances.
xx God Bless!
Post # 47
Sure, I’m probably wong! But does the bible actually specify that ‘fornication’ means premarital sex? Because I read that the Greek word porneia
which we translate as fornication doesn’t explicitly refer to premarital sex but rather sexual perversion in general and was also used to refer to e.g. adultery.
Post # 48
I’m curious Op as to why you want a non-christian point of view when you hold the values you do BECAUSE you are Christian? This is confusing and problematic IMO….
Here is the truth:
The bible doesn’t ive if’s or unless’… fornicate only “if”… do not kil “unless”. It just is what it is. There are many reasons why it is forbidden but if you are ready to answer for your decision then go ahead. I didn’t follow this bibilical advice. Some of what I did I regret and other situations not as much, it’s the same as any other sin but it holds no justification.
Post # 49
pornea as in sexual immorality. When translated and fully researched it came to mean having sex with someones “wife” as well as sex between individuals who aren’t married.
Post # 50
forgive me if I’m reading this wrong but you say you are “intimate” with your boyfriend and “bond physically”. Does this mean you are only abstaining only from vaginal penetration? (while engaging in other types of sexual intercourse, oral etc? !) If so, you might as well have at everything because if you want to live strictly by the bible, engaging in any kind of premarital sex is plainly hypocritical and just as frowned upon…..
Post # 51
If you are going to feel guilty then you should not do it. It isn’t even about “being ready” if you have feel like you will feel that mush guilt from it. FWIW I do not htink anyone should feel full of shame and guilt for having sex, with one person or 100! But I try hard not to do things that I know will make myself feel bad. If you can do it and understand that all of what you were taught as a child was indoctrination, and let go of that guilt, then go for it and enjoy the new level of intimacy that it brings.
Post # 52
As a christian who waited, i can understand your situation completely! Waiting was INCREDIBLY hard especially when you love your partner. There were many times i wanted to give in, or “go a little further” without having ‘sex’.
Thankfully my now husband had sense and didnt give in, even when i pushed him a little, we instead helped each other buy keeping each other accountable, i also had help from a very close friend of mine who i would talk to when i got frustrated.
The bible says that lust is a sin and pre-marital sex is a sin. Even if you feel ready, you are still not married, you havent made that ultimate commitment to each other, in the way that God intended. God wont send you to hell just because you decide to have sex, but you also need to realise that by making that decision, you are sctively choosing to go against God, you are saying you think you know better about yourself and about your relationship than he does.
Is that worth it for you? If it is then you need to evaluate your relationship with God and what that means to you. It is a very hard thing to do and before i got married, i questioned myself over and over again but ultimately chose to follow what God says and i dont regret waiting! It was the beat decision for me and for my relationship with God. God loves you, even when we sin, but being a christian means we have to stop going against him and trust him with the way we should live our lives.
Sorry this was super long, hope my experience helps!
Post # 53
My husband I are Christians, it was important to us to wait as long as we could before we got married, although neither of us were virgins. I think you should follow your heart on this decision, it sounds like it is very important to you to wait. I do not think you’ll be disappointed in waiting.
Post # 54
You have to be comfortable with the decisions you make. I did have pre-martial sex, but my husband is the only man I’ve ever been with (and I’m the only one he has been with). We were in our mid twenties, and in a really stable, committing, and trusting relationship. It was the right decision for us- neither one of us has regreted it for a second. In my opinion, married is about trust, stability, committment, and being there for each other. It is a legal bound, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make those promises with each other before you are legally bound. We had been married for 2.5 years now, and are really happy together, and I have no regrets about our relationship. I’m not saying that you should or shouldn’t, but you should take time to think about it more. You have to be at peace with your own decision.
Post # 55
I was raised in a very strict Christian family, went to private Baptist Christian school, had to make a purity pledge, the works. But I can’t remember a time when I ever really fully bought into all of it. I had sex with my first serious boyfriend when I was around 18, and though I felt really guilty for going against my parents’ wishes with this, I didn’t feel like having sex in itself was at all wrong. Things didn’t work out between us but I don’t regret sleeping with him – it was safe and secure and we loved each other.
The experience was eye opening in the sense that I realized sex was actually not the huge deal my family and religious leaders had made it out to be. I felt no different toward my boyfriend or about myself after we had sex. It’s just a thing we did. After we broke up, I went on to have other sexual relationships, some with serious boyfriends, some very casual.
For some reason, there is this obsession in many religions with sex. Personally, I think religions would be better served focusing on values like being kind to each other, than obsessing over the horror of people getting it on before they are married.