(Closed) Christianity and modesty!

posted 5 years ago in Christian
Post # 31
Hostess
9754 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

geneva2:  Thank you!

I had a horrible college experience with an evangelica christian professor. I dressed how any normal 20 year old would dress (tanks and zip up hoodies with jeans to class most days). One day I got an e-mail from a professor that was in my department that was very mysterious. I had never had her before, but she wanted to meet with me. I was pumped thinking she was going to offer me an internship.

Instead she told me that the EC prof that I had had been bad-mouthing me to all the other profs, saying things like “he can’t even look at my side of the classroom when he lectures because I am such a shameful sight.” When she told me that, everything clicked. I had wondered why he continually skipped over me in class, avoided me, and frankly treated me without any respect. 

She told me, “From one professional woman to another I want you to know that the way you dress is negatively impacting your grade in his class. I suggest you wear a turtle neck or sweatshirt for the rest of the semester.” 

Um, your kidding me, right? The school wasn’t even affiliated with religion… and here I am failing a class bc the professor is afraid of getting a boner every time he looked in my direction. I can’t help that I genetically inherited a large pair of knockers! Long story short, the dean’s office told me “it’s a man’s world” and to do what my prof wanted. 

Anyways, that whole experience really warped my opinion of myself and how I am perceived by others. It’s still an issue I struggle with today. I feel as though Christians constantly are judging others, deeming what THEY think is appropriate, and restructuring our world around their warped viewpoints. Isn’t god supposed to judge me? Can’t you all save it for him and lay off? Let people wear what they want and express themselves free of judgement.

Post # 32
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I remember when I was 12, I went to a Christian summer camp with a friend. It wasn’t my usual summer camp, But I was so excited to be going. My grandmother took me out shopping and I bought a new bathing suit because my old one didn’t fit. Full coverage bottoms, and a tankini top that was long enough to meet the bottoms. I have trouble with one pieces because of how long my torso is. The camp said it wasnt modest enough and gave me an xl men’s shirt to wear over it. Even though the girls and boys were always separated for swimming.

So while I believe being modest is good within reason, I’m also a firm believer that you should dress with some modesty to respect yourself, not to help men (or some women) avoid lustful thoughts.  

 I still remember that at 12 I was offended that the bathing suit that my 70 year old grandmother helped me pick out was deemed ‘unacceptable’. 

Post # 33
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

FutureDrAtkins:  Wow, I can’t believe that happened to you. How traumatizing, and your college didn’t even rush to your defense, how ridiculous!

Post # 34
Hostess
9754 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

geneva2:  Yep, I remember sobbing at Student Affairs when I felt like no one understood my side to things. It was a private engineering school that was previously all male, and a lot of that mentality was left behind. This happened like 8 years ago and I’m still so bitter about it! 

Post # 35
Member
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

FutureDrAtkins:  That’s so rough. Of course you’re bitter, who wouldn’t be?

Post # 36
Member
949 posts
Busy bee

Rachel631:  Yeah, the Yorks vs. Lancs thing is something I’ve come across in the 12 and a bit years I’ve been together with him. Just this past weekend (during our Easter visit) he uttered the phrase “Yorkshire’s God’s own county”, and I think he was partly serious when he said it 😉

 

 

Post # 37
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

Women should dress as they prefer. I wa brought up to dress fairly modestly, but that was perhaps more of a culture/class thing so it’s hard to tell. I still haven’t accepted the idea of leggings as pants. They are still just underwear to me. Yoga pants don’t leave my house and my bathers are all very secure one-piece types.

People seeking to justify their own horrible thoughts and actions will always find something provocative.

Eg. Street harassment. When I am dressed nicely or smile I am ‘up for it’, if I am not smiling I’m a sour b**** who needs a good root, dressed less prettily I am (obviously) a lesbian…so I haven’t ‘met the right man yet” >.> clothing does not protect against unwanted attention. I guess if I was never outside my house I would be somewhat ‘protected’, but also housebound…so no.

I’m just going to leave this here:

http://www.womenundersiegeproject.org/blog/entry/the-myth-of-how-the-hijab-protects-women-against-sexual-assault

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  Taiki.
Post # 38
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee

I think holding women responsible for men’s thoughts (and possibly their actions as a result of those thoughts) is a dangerous road to go down, and shouldn’t be encouraged. 

Post # 39
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

I don’t believe I am required to dress modestly to protect the thoughts of men, but to show respect to Heavenly Father, and the body he has given me. Modesty is an attitude of propriety and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior. If we are modest, we do not draw undue attention to ourselves. Instead, we seek to “glorify God in [our] body, and in [our] spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:20; see also 1 Corinthians 6:19).

Clothing Adam and Eve was an act of a merciful Heavely Father, so we must show the same respect when we dress ourselves..

I am LDS, and when I take my endowments, I will wear my Temple Garments day and night, to remind me of the covenants I have made. We are taught that it should not affect our clothing choices, because we should already be living those standards.

So, no uncovered shoulders, no skirts above the knee, tops should not be low cut. But clothing should also not be too tight, logos or sayings should not be vulgar. It is about respecting your body as a Temple of the Lord. This is for men also, they need to respect the same guidelines.

“To Clothe A Temple”, from the Ensign.

https://www.lds.org/ensign/1992/08/to-clothe-a-temple?lang=eng

Post # 40
Member
949 posts
Busy bee

FutureDrAtkins:  That professor’s behaviour was absolutely shocking! I’m angry at them on your behalf.

Post # 41
Member
1039 posts
Bumble bee

FutureDrAtkins:  Wow. And your professor was allowed to attempt to fail you over jeans and sweatshirts? That’s unreal. I hope you filed a complaint against him!

Post # 42
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

If modesty is linked to any of the Abrahamic religions, it is because these religions arose in patriarchal societies.  The problem lies in the control, sexualization, and objectification of female bodies, regardless of age and actual body shape.  For the most part, I find modesty complete bullshit.  Yes, I understand living in a society where certain body parts are considered inappropriate to be displayed and covering them accordingly, but a naked or scantily clad woman is not a “stumbling block” to the men around her.  Men who commit sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape are men who have chosen to violate another person.  The responsibility falls 100% on the assailant.  Full stop.

For the record, I was raised Catholic and still identify as such.  So before anyone accuses me of having an anti-religion bias, that’s not true.  I just don’t condone the manipulative use of religion to try to control women’s lives, police their bodies, and excuse men who commit crimes.

Post # 43
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Laululintu:  LOL, you bet he was 100% serious! My stepmother is from Yorkshire and she says this too!

Post # 44
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - White Oak Plantation

I always get SO excited when I see a new post on the Christian board. I wish there were more : )

As a Christian, I believe we should not show off parts of our bodies that should be for our spouse to see (boobs, stomach, upper thigh). My fiance and I are waiting until we are married (although neither of us are virgins) and so I try to keep that in mind when dressing for around my house or out. I will admit that I still refuse to wear long shorts so if you see me at Target grocery shopping in the summer, I’ll be wearing small shorts.

I do know that men are going to see women and still think lustfully if they are in blue jeans and a tshirt or a tight dress but as women, we should respect OURSELVES enough to cover up.

 

Post # 45
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

I enjoy dressing decently modestly. I don’t think women should only wear skirts or completely forgo yoga pants, but I think there’s something to be said for some modesty. If I wear yoga pants out, I try to wear a longer shirt.

I also don’t think it’s up to women to dress modestly in order to not attract men’s attention. That’s rape blaming. 

I am very comfortable with my body, and when I was in upper middle school and early high school, I dressed very risque and wore my sexuality like armor. I also had really bad self esteem at that time and drew my confidence from my looks. I was badly teased due to bullying and rumors, and my ‘slut’ reputation was feeded by my appearance. I wore very short skirts, tight dance pants (almost a legging equivalent) and shirts with sexual sayings on them (‘what tanlines?’). I also was a serial monogamist and wasn’t happy unless I had a boyfriend (I had attracted someone).

By college, I had kind of settled down and started wearing shorts with real inseams and covering my body. Now, I respect myself a lot more and enjoy dressing attractively versus dressing to attract. Someone mentioned that earlier. There’s nothing wrong with dressing attractively but the way I dressed when I was younger was a result of my low self esteem. And that’s not saying that everyone that dresses sexually does so because they have a low self esteem, but I did. I showed off my body as much as possible because the attention it afforded me made be feel like I was a worthy person. After an eating disorder and treatment, I got to know myself better and now understand my worth as something separate from my appearance.

I am also a Christian, although you wouldn’t have guessed it by my description above. Perhaps I am exaggerating it a bit, but when I see the clothes I used to wear, I kind of cringe. Now, I enjoy wearing dresses, skirts, pants that fit me, tops that aren’t skin tight, and sometimes I accidentally buy things too big because I am so neurotic about not buying things too small or trying to fit into a small size. 

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