Post # 16
maggie2020 : My ex and I didn’t have sex for 15 months and it ruined our relationship. Even though life kept getting in the way, it fostered a lot of doubt, which turned to resentment.
Do what makes you happy, not what makes other people happy. I think it is smarter not to wait because I believe couples need chemistry.
Post # 17
I think “unhealthy” is the wrong word, but suddenly abstaining can be destructive, especially if you are both not on the same page for doing so. Once you start having sex at a particular frequency or rhythm, it becomes part of your means of bonding together. Taking that away without a means of dealing with it can lead to frustration, especially for the partner with the higher sex drive.
I believe this is one of the unwritten reasons by Christians are called to abstain… it’s because it’s hard to stop and then expect your relationship to recover. Culture and societal norms have their ungrounded opinions on sex outside of marriage and what it could mean for your reputation, but I sincerely believe that God is trying to guard your heart and your marriage relationship by commanding abstinence.
I slept with a couple boyfriends, all Christian and both times I had such a hard time with it because I thought I was playing with fire and sweating in church because of it. Both relationships ended shortly there after and it’s for the best… they did not share my reasons or concerns about abstaining and in a way, they did not understand or value my faith and my struggles with it.
It’s so hard to explain religious based abstinence because sex is a healthy, mechanical, emotional and spiritual thing. You can talk about the mechanics all day long, but you truly won’t know what it means emotionally or spiritually until you try it yourself. Try convincing teenagers to abstain with that as your argument (LOL). Those of us in the church, we should be doing a better job of treating everyone with respect, regardless of their opinions, choices and past sexual activity. We let people off the hook for other things (like it’s our judgment that matters anyways… not). Let’s just be kind.
Post # 18
maggie2020 : As far as premarital counseling goes… depends on your minister. Ours happened to mention asking a couple to stop before continuing his services (not sure how he held them accountable or if he was just making a request). When we got to the topic, he just wanted to stress the importance that it is a big deal to be on the same page with sex, since it can be a source of joy and frustration.
Post # 19
rockclimberbride : Destructive is definitely the better word. We’ve been intimate pretty regularly since November. I fear that stopping could have negative repercussions on our relationship.
Post # 20
maggie2020 : If you’re both on the same page about abstinence, it can’t/won’t damage your relationship. If one of you wants to abstain, whole the other does not, it will cause issues, which could be exacerbated if you’ve already been intimate.
I would discuss how you feel with your partner, see if he’s feeling the same, and move from there.
I’m a Christian too and the Bible is direct in that sex before marriage is a sin. However, my husband and I also had sex before marriage. I wish I would have held out, but like you, I didn’t. So, no judgment, because I committed the same sin. However, if this is important to you, and you feel convicted, do what’s right knowing that God will reward your obedience to His word.
Post # 21
maggie2020 : I think if you are both on the same page stopping won’t be detrimental. In my experience stopping changed nothing in my relationship. Sex is not a basis of a relationship and while it’s nice not having it should not have repercussions on your relationship if it’s a healthy one. I feel like communication is really key here.
Post # 22
jannigirl : she’s talking about having sex with her own fiancé, it’s hardly “willy nilly”