Post # 1
I can’t get ahold of my best friend and I really need some perspective on this…
My fiancee and I had a nice Christmas Eve dinner and then opened presents before going to his family’s for X-mas day. I got him a variety of presents some personal some he requested. The first present I opened was windsheild wippers. Okay… well I do need windshield wipers… the next few were all practical things I needed. Something for my bike… some running stuff… And then I opened a present that contained 4 things of oil and a filter. An oil change? Who gives that? I did get a cd player but no really personal gifts…
I saw this really pretty thing and I thought of you.
nothing romantic. just practical.
I thanked him graciously and we went to sleep. I woke up the next day and felt really sad. Granted my family is far away and I miss them. But I was picturing his family asking me what I got.
Windshield wipers and a oil change.
I got up early and did a bunch of chores to try to cheer myself up. Then I slipped back into bed. I was going to keep it to myself.
Then he asked me if I was alright. I couldn’t hide my feelings so I told him I was disapointed that I didn’t get anything romantic..
I’m not talking diamonds… a card.. soft fluffy mittens… a jewelry box… something anything that says I spent time looking for this item. I put effort into it.
Needless to say he is really pissed at me and I’m moping around feeling bad.
We hid everything yesterday but I listened to all his family members tell me about their thoughtful gifts… how they called an artist tracking down a print… how they drove 2 hours to pick out the perfect gift.
Now I wish I had kept it inside because I feel like I ruined Christmas and I’m a bad person. Any advice?
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Post # 3
My fiance always gets me practical items as well, laptop, headset for my cell phone, etc. I think in his mind these are gifts that he would want himself so in his own male way of deductive reasoning, he thinks that of course that would be what you want too! Silly boys.
I feel so bad that you two had this huge fight right around Christmas but it’s best that it came out now so that he doesn’t give you practical gifts for future bdays, vday, xmas, "just because", etc. Sometimes men need a little push in the right direction. I think he may just be mad now because he feels you’re rejecting his presents, but I’m sure that he will get over it and come out of it realizing just what kind of gifts you do like. It might help to share your wish list with a friend or family member so that he has someone to turn to if he doesn’t know what to get you or perhaps the person you’ve confided in could "suggest" something to get for you in the future.
Anyways, just my two cents! <hug>
Post # 4
I had this same fight for a birthday when we started dating. I got a fake princess crown, wooden spoons and a colandar. I completely understand not wanting to tell people you got a colander for your birthday (and it was plastic!)
I don’t have a lot of great advice either – but the best thing you can do is admit you’re disappointed. Otherwise your in for a lifetime of car repair stuff. My boy was pretty hurt and confused – it wasn’t fun. On my side – we’re doing much better (he bought me some great books, a booklight, poker chips and a hand blender this year).
I guess I have a couple suggestions. One, lower your expectations – this way you can be surprised at his progress.
two, give obvious hints – he probably doesn’t know what you really want he might need instructions,
three, buy his gifts early and set them out in the house. That also helps him have plenty of time to contemplate what to give you – and think about the awesome stuff you got him.
four, don’t let this one argument go on too long Christmas is only once a year – don’t let it mess up the other part of your year. Gifrs aren’t the best part of the beau
There is no fix, but
Post # 5
I’m sorry you guys had a fight on Christmas! But like Atomickittyn said, at least he knows that you won’t like the same kind of gifts next year. I know that the guys are supposed to just KNOW what we want for presents, but they honestly don’t. Getting giddy during the diamond commericals is not obviously enough of a hint for them. Definitely drop more obvious hints! Or have others TELL him exactly what you want. In time, he may realize that a filter is not the way to a woman’s heart. For now, let him know that you appreciate that he has your safety in mind but that in the future, you want presents that would make other people jealous! =) Goodluck . . .<span class=”postby”>
Post # 6
Try to keep the lines of communication as open as possible. Ask him why he thought of you when he saw the windshield wipers and what made him buy them for one of your Christmas gifts. Was he worried that yours were so lousy that with the first snowfall he thought you wouldn’t be able to see the road? Well, maybe he wanted to make sure his honey got home to him safely? (I know, I’m really reaching…)
Last Christmas I asked for something "shiny and sparkly (i.e, ering)". What did I get? A SureFire flashlight. And lingerie. He joked that this year I have to be more specific – so I put together two online wish lists. What did our first married Christmas have in store for me this year? Mostly lingerie. Again. Only a handful of things off of my carefully provided gift lists. As frustrated as I was not to receive my MBT sneakers or the full SITC DVD collection, I know that Darling Husband loves me all 365 days of the year and might be destined to be a lousy gift-giver. My GF’s DHs aren’t much better…
Just wanted to share my situation with hopes that it would make you feel better.
Post # 7
I’m so sorry about your fight! Fighting during Christmas sucks. 🙁 I hope things get better for you soon!
I would like to share some relationship advice that I got a while ago and have been applying to all my relationships ever since: people express their affections differently, and they can’t do things exactly the way you expect without some hints! You like thoughtful and sweet presents (I totally agree!) and maybe you translate that into how much he cares, but maybe he doesn’t think like you do.
The thing I would do here is first tell him that you *do* appreciate his presents, they were just a little unexpected and hence your reaction. Then gently express how much little thoughtful/sweet presents mean to you, and how much you would appreciate them in the future in a very positive way. Maybe something like "I like the useful things that you got me, they’re great for my car. I would also appreciate little sweet gifts, too!" I’m sure he had you in mind when he picked out the gifts.. otherwise why would he be upset? It’s just that he didn’t have the same mentailty as you with regards to gift giving, and that’s just something you have to communicate about. 🙂
Whew.. that was a mouthfull. Goodluck with everything, I’m sure it will work out! 🙂