Christmas present blunder

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
2763 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
sassy411 :  you have three too?! Well hot diggety darn I think we could be total besties in real life 😍.

Post # 18
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
macpartyoftwo :  yes! 

OP my friend had the exact same situation as you! Exactly! Said specifically that she didn’t want a kindle… hubs got her one. I guess he forgot/wasn’t paying attention? Anyway she loves it now. 

Post # 19
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
MrsHarryDresden :  Count me in on the 3 kindle club. I have a kindle keyboard 3g, original kindle fire, and a kindle paperwhite. I have told Dear Fiance that I am ready for a new one too! 

OP- I totally get why you are annoyed after telling him in no uncertain terms that you don’t want something and he poo-poos that suggesting he knows better and you will actually love it. The thing is, you really probably will!

I am a voracious reader, always have been. I was at first hesitant when the first gen kindles came on the market. I “love” my books. I enjoy reading favorites over again even years later. I don’t like sharing books or letting friends borrow them (what the hell are you thinking creasing the spines! You aren’t supposed to open the book that wide!) and really can’t stand library books or even used books stores. I have a large library of real paper books at home (soft and hard covers) and I couldn’t imagine not continuing to buy books by my favorite authors to add to my collections. So what I do is a combination, I still buy paper books of my fav authors and keep them forever, but I read a ton more of random authors and books I would never buy now that I have kindles. I can even enjoy the “library” by renting books (my county library has an e-book rental thing). I also subscribe to kindle unlimited. 

Post # 20
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You might end up actually liking it!! I’ve always been a book lover, and have shelves of books to show for it. However, I still enjoy my Kindle.

Post # 21
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

It doesn’t matter who likes their Kindle. It doesn’t even matter if OP will come to like the Kindle, assuming she doesn’t return it. What mtters is that she told him repeatedly that she didn’t want one, and he paid no attention to her wishes b/c he figured he knew her better than she knew herself. This is not generosity; it’s arrogance. And silencing. 

Post # 22
Member
10031 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
cassandra7 :  I mean sometimes my husband does know me better than I know myself. Unless this is a part of pattern of disregarding what she says, I don’t think she needs to get all up in arms over one not so well thought out gift. 

Post # 23
Member
11340 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
MrsHarryDresden :  

Absolutely!

Here’s hoping for Kindle Number Four from Santa!

 

Post # 24
Member
2618 posts
Sugar bee

Eh, I’m with you. While it’s great that so many people love their kindles, and he surely meant well, that sorta misses the point. The paternalistic “I know better than you what you like” attitude is what would bug me. And the fact that he didn’t just forget but actually ignored the fact that you said you didn’t want one. That doesn’t make it a very thoughtful gift IMO. I’d be disappointed too – not because of getting a gift that will go unused but because gifting is a meaningful symbolic gesture to me and the thought behind it and the fact that someone took time to consider what the receiver will appreciate is what matters about it. I’d be sad if I️ felt like my Fiance didn’t understand that about me. 

Post # 25
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee

My husband tends to get me things I’ve mentioned repeatedly…regardless of the context. He sees XYZ while he is out and about, remembers that I talked about it, and goes “ah she will love this!”. Sometimes he scores big, sometimes he gets me something I had been talking about how much I hate. lol.

If it is a matter of him thinking he knows better than you, I can see why that would be off-putting. 

Post # 26
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
browneyedgirl24 :  Meh.  I’ve done this to my husband twice now on gifts – bought him something he explicitly said he didn’t want.  So far, I’ve been proven right twice, and he has chosen to forget that he ever claimed he didn’t want it.  

In this case, does he have a Kindle?  Because I became a missionary for them once I got mine, and I gave them to several people over their objections… all of whom ended up loving them.  Context matters here.

Post # 27
Member
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
cassandra7 :  +1

I think it’s really bizarre that he knew you didn’t want this and yet still got it for you. I remember a thread like this maybe a year ago or so, I think about a piece of jewelry. OP repeatedly told her SO she didn’t want this specific piece of jewelry but he insisted on getting it for her anyway. Bees were divided! 

I think it’s a no brainer. The whole point of giving someone a gift is to get them something you think they’d like. Sometimes we miss the mark on gifts, but missing the mark deliberately is just kind of perverse imo. If the gift giver repeatedly tells you they would not like a certain thing and yet you still get them that thing, you’re dismissing their feelings and being super patronizing in the process. It’s like saying “I know better than you – you WILL like this thing.” 

Not cool.

Post # 28
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Not defending him at all, and I totally understand why you’re frustrated! I would be frustrated if I said “I don’t want X” and then received X. But I do think he was coming from a good place. Some people are very difficult to buy gifts for! Some people have everything, or want nothing. He probably just wanted to get you something and since you like to read…he picked a kindle. That was sweet, you have to admit. And I know that you probably don’t want to hear this, but I love mine ❤️ I don’t use the actual kindle, I just have the kindle app for my iPad. But it’s pretty great to have all of your books with you at the same time, and the ability to purchase and read a new book in seconds. Who knows, maybe you’ll love it!

Post # 29
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

Honestly I wouldn’t read anything negative into this.

For people I’m really close to (e.g. parents and FI), I sometimes give them things they explicitly have said they don’t like because I get a feeling that they only _think_ they don’t like it because they haven’t tried it, and if they actually used it they’d change their mind. Sure, maybe it’ll annoy them a little bit at first, but I genuinely think it’ll make their lives better in the long run. And sometimes it doesn’t work out, but most times it does, and I feel good doing it because I think I’ve helped in a way that they can’t themselves.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s thinking along these lines and just didn’t verbalize it. 🙂

Post # 30
Member
2706 posts
Sugar bee

You might wind up loving it, but that’s irrelevant. I think it’s rude and kind of gross that he decided to buy you something he knew you explicitly said you didn’t want.

i hope there’s something he’s said he doesn’t want. You should get it for him for Christmas. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors