Post # 1
I posted on here a while back, right after my SO and I got back together after year-long break. At that time, it made sense that I shouldn’t be expecting anything, as we were working on repairing what had broken. Now, 2 years later, things could not be better. We moved in together in March, joined our bank accounts, and even bought a car together. We have everything a healthy, happy couple could ask for.
The problem remains that there is no engagement. At this point, all of my friends are engaged or already married, but most are not at all happy. In fact, my closest friend is currently mapping out plans for divorce after only 2 months of marriage. I feel as though, given how great everything is between us and how we are practically living like we are married, compounded with the negativity surrounding us in our friends’ marriages, my boyfriend will not make the leap to propose because “what would be so different?”
I ache to plan our wedding and make everything official. I bring it up all the time (probably too much, since the answer I get is “if you keep talking about it, it is never going to happen”). Are we going to just stay like this because he thinks we shouldn’t fix what’s not broken? I am really hoping for a Christmas engagement. Or at least a proposal before my 30th birthday (Jan 10), but I just cannot tell with him. Its been 8 years with a break mixed in, but my patience is wearing thin.
Any advice, fellow waiting bees?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - Makena Cove
@TeacherTraveler: I would think that after 8 years you deserve a better answer than “If you keep talking about it, it will never happen.” I think at the very least, you deserve to have an open and honest conversation with one another about your expecations and whether or not he can see a life with you; forever.
It is not solely his decision to get married so I think he should be able to understand your feelings and where you’re coming from. If he really feels like, “Why fix what isnt broken?” then maybe its time to let him know you dont feel like the two of you have reached your full potential as a couple and back off a bit.
I understand it would be hard to give yourself some space when you have joint accounts, cars, lives etc. but look into Mr. Bee’s waiting advice and maybe try some of his pointers.
Post # 4
Have you ever thought about setting up some kind of a timeline? I’m not sure if this will help, but this is what I did.
Background info: SO and I are both 28 (I will be 29 in January), we’ve been together for 6.5 years, living together for 5.5 years. We’ve always been pretty open about marriage and kids. We both want to have 2 kids, maybe 3…but we both want to be married before we decide to start a family.
I explained to him that there are more risks factors to take into account the longer we wait to have kids, and with us wanting 2, possibly 3 kids, I wasn’t trying to be pregnant in my 40s.
One night, this summer, he said we’d be engaged by the end of this year, and that I could plan a wedding for sometime in the fall of 2013. (I’ve been planning our wedding for years, who does he think he’s talking to? LOL)
I don’t know if this having a talk like this would help out your current situation with your SO, but maybe you guys should sit and talk about both of your expectations of each other and your future together.