Post # 1
For some reason my last post was marked as spam.
Basically I have the flu today so I think I might be more senstive than normal, but I am not sure how I am going to deal with life in general. My Mom died 6 months ago and it is a long story but we could not have the wake untill now. So it will be over Christmas. And I am planning everything. We are having a big party on the beach and will spread her ashes. Frankly, I have no idea how I am going to deal with this. Mom killed herself so it is a dark cloud over the event… not that it would be super fun to begin with. I am a total mess. Work is suffering. All aspects of my life are falling apart. I am mid divorce, he took the dog. My cat died a few weeks ago. My Dad has been in the hosptial three times in the past 6 months. All songs make me cry like a little girl so I am sticking to NPR.
Any suggestions to make this suck less. I can’t not do it. It just is the last thing on the panet I want to do… and over Christmas (Dads idea.)
I will add I am in every therapy ever and on medication (no drinking on the medication so I will be sober for the events.)
Post # 2
*Hugs* Wow, you have been through the ringer bee! I’m so sorry for your loss(es)
I know it’s tough to put a positive spin on any of this and it’s truly heart aching. Maybe think of spreading you moms ashes of you also releasing your grief and starting anew as the waves wash them away.
I’m happy to hear you’re actively working with a therapist.
Think of a fresh 2019 coming up with new things on the horizon for you.
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
Oh sweetheart ((hugs)) I really have no advice. Just wanted you to know my inbox is open if you need to vent. Losing a parent is so, so hard. And on top of everything else? Gosh, you are superwoman. I promise you will come out on the other side stronger.
Post # 4
tobeornottobe7 : You are right. I think spreading her ashes will really be a good thing. I feel like she has not been at peace and that is a hard feelng to process. Thank you for the words of support. And yes. New year, new start. I am really looking forward to 2019!
DrAtkins : Thank you so much. I guess it is easy for me to forget that I am actually stong in dealing with this. I have had moments where I really did not think I could deal with anything more but I have been! And thank you for the offer. You are very sweet.
Post # 5
I am so sorry for your loss 🙁 I am sorry so many other things have been hitting you at the same time.
As PP stated, think of spreading of your mom’s ashes as a ‘release’ of the grief and pain. It’s like you’re setting her free and yourself free too.
2019 will be your new year! Start fresh, maybe a new furry companion 🙂 You can do this! We are all here for you on the bee <3
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA
jacksspade : omg, girl, my heart breaks for you!
You are freaking WONDERWOMAN to be dealing with so many grieving situations! Seriously, you lost your mom, your cat, your marriage, and the dog, and your father gave you a health scare to boot.
I am proud of you for being in therapy. I am proud of you for seeking counseling and for waking up and trying every single day.
I wish I could give you a huge hug right now.
Sometimes life sucks and we can’t really see the light at the end of the tunnel. This is one of those times. It’s no wonder you are a total mess.
Suggestions to make it suck less: embrace the fact that it will suck BADLY. Have a therapy session the day before or the morning of. Write a journal or a letter expressing your feelings. Ask a friend if he or she can be with you during the wake and distract you, make sure you have eaten, etc. Be there for your dad. Take deep breaths. Allow yourself to break down if/when it becomes too much. Do not, by any means, stop taking your meds.
Post # 7
jacksspade : Oh hun, giant internet hugs. You must be an absolute superwoman to still be standing after all that. You must be so proud of yourself.
Remember that you don’t HAVE to do anything you don’t want to do. At this point in time, looking after yourself is the most important thing. But I do agree with PP that spreading ashes can be therapeutic.
I think (if you have it in you) you should plan something to welcome in 2019 and say goodbye to 2018 which has been so unkind to you. Maybe create a vision board, or some artwork (if you’re creative) or spend the weekend in the woods, or a night in a 5-star hotel. Something indulgent and productive for you. You deserve it!
Post # 8
First off I am so sorry. I can’t even imagine all of that going on at the same time, you are so strong and you will get through this.
My brother passed away last year and like you we waited a little while to do an ashes ceremony because it was so sudden. I will tell you that it was the single most therapeutic thing for me. When we spread them in our lake and as I watched his ashes disappear into the water I felt like we truly laid him to rest because he was in the place where he was happiest. It was both sad and a relief if that makes sense.
I know it seems like things are awful right now so focus on only the things that truly make you happy. This could be a huge turning point in your life and it will go up from here. Hugs ❤️
Post # 9
I’m planning on going to a Blue Christmas Service soon. I’ve had some really rough years with health crap and this is the first year I’m actually feeling well enough to go (fingers crossed no major flareups the day of). There’s also been a few deaths in the family plus a relative is currently hospitalized.
I’m hoping having some reflective time and being around others who haven’t had the easiest year either while not actually needing to be a direct support to them will help me be able to set the hard stuff aside for a bit so I can enjoy Christmas.
You might find something like that beneficial too? With being in the middle of it now the purpose would be a bit different, but it may help in other ways, like preparing for all this stuff (along with the therapy and other things you’re already doing).
Post # 10
That’s so rough I can’t fathom how difficult this must be for you. My heart goes out to you, truly. My inbox is open if you need to unload. Maybe as someone else suggested a furry friend might help with the crushing loneliness. Any chance of pulling the marriage back together? I hope you find some peace with the spreading of the ashes.
Post # 11
jacksspade : I am so, so sorry for all of your losses. Your Mum, your cat, your relationship. I don’t think I have ever wanted to hug someone through a computer before! No advice really, I just wanted to say I wish you all the best. Would doing it in the new year be worse/ better?
Post # 12
You’re doing amazing with everything going on in your life. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, don’t even think about this week or this month.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2007 - City, State
jacksspade : Jesus. I have no advice other than keep putting one foot in front of the other. You’re getting through it even though it may not seem that way.
While I understand the need for closure and a memorial, Christmas will forever be associated with this. Maybe push it back a couple weeks? My Uncle died on Christmas morning from pancreatic cancer and it totally changed the dynamic of the holiday for that side of the family. We used to get together every Christmas and that stopped permanently. Everything sort of fell apart.
Post # 14
jacksspade : Just want to send you hugs and love your way, I cant imagine what your going through if you ever need someone to chat with feel free to PM me
Post # 15
sweetdee89 : Thank you for your kind words. I am hoping this next year will be better!
lifetimegoals : Thank you for all of the good ideas. Alas the trip is out of town but I am going to book a therapy session for the day before I leave. And I had not really thought about it but they have a hotline you can call so if I can super freaking out they can help me. I will also have my BFF on speed dial.
youngbrokebride : You know I had a vision board when I was in grad school and it really helped. Thank you for the suggestion. I am going to work on that tonight. I think something to do with my hands will be a good thing for me.
katecod12 : I am so sorry for your loss. Before this I really had no idea how hard a close loss was. I am sending you all my hugs.
AB Bride : I really like the blue Christmas idea. I might have a fuck 2018 party with my firends!
SVandy60918 : Alas, we had been really unhappy for two years. He is a wonderful person and I love him very much, we are just bad togeather. It is actually a really “nice” divorce. He is being really suportive. In some ways it would be easier if he was an ass. Thank you so much for the venting offer.
MsBeer : Well. Honestly. I have no idea what would really be best. I am trying to go with it since it is what my Dad wants and he is rather stunted so if he is willing you kind have to jump on it. HUGS.
slomotion : I get ya. If I think too far in advance I will freak out.
sf618b : I am sorry for your loss. It has to be Christmas… so that blows. But I am feeling much better about it today.