- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Please know I’m not trying to say what is right or wrong, or judge anyone else’s choices. I’m just struggling with my own and need others input.
I’m getting married in a month (happy dance) and the “when will you start trying for children” questions are coming. My Fiance and I have been together for over 7 years now. People are expecting kids sooner rather than later.
We’ve always wanted to adopt as well as have biological children. He’s a music teacher and I work with kids at church and we already feel so parental towards them. Adopting was always a given for us.
Since being diagnosed with Ehler’s Danlos (EDS) several factors have made me question if I still would like to have biological kids. So far my Fiance has been very supportive and he says he will support what ever I feel comfortable with.
Things such as worsening symptoms, high risk pregnancy, and a higher chance at miscarriage scare me. Although I know if we got pregnant on accident I would try my best in a heart beat. I know everything would be worth it for my child.
But actually trying for one is a different story.
I know this is a difficult, even a taboo discussion. No one would feel or at least admit that they regret having their children. I’m not asking that at all.
But do you ever feel guilty that your child developed your genetic disease. With EDS my child has a 50/50 chance of developing EDS as well. We also have a slew of autoimmune diseases in my family.
Do you ever have a hard time knowing that your genes did it to them? I just think I would feel so guilty if we did have biological kids and they ended up with EDS. I know what it’s like to go through this everyday with the pain, meds, dislocations, disability. I personally, don’t know how I could handle seeing my kid go through the same thing if I had them while knowing the odds of them developing it. How do you handle the emotions?
I’m really not trying to judge others, please don’t be offended. It’s really hard to discuss this and explain your personal reasons and beliefs without hurting someone else’s feelings. That was not at all my intention, I’m just trying to work through my feelings and decisions right now.