(Closed) Chronic Detoxer

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
9642 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Starling13:  Yikes!  I don’t think you’re jealous of her.  Maybe worried about her a little because what she’s doing to her body isn’t healthy over time.  Nobody needs to “detox” that often (well, maybe Gwyneth Paltrow does) and you are correct, if she’s working out she needs to eat.

The annoyance factor may come in due to her total self-absorption, that’s my guess.  She got on my nerves just reading about her, lol.  😉  You may want to give her a little hint that everything in life doesn’t revolve solely around her and her vanity over her appearance.  Try changing the subject from now on.

Post # 4
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

As a heavier woman, I get annoyed when “skinny” or what I perceive to be “healthy” women complain about feeling fat, or they need to lose wiight or work harder. So I think it may just be that – annoyance. You see she does NOT in fact need to lose weight, but she can’t 🙂

However, from what I have seen and heard from friends, family and people I work with – even the skinniest of the skinny can “feel” as if they are fat, even if they aren’t. I don’t understand how it works but they do. It’s a mental thing for them. 

From what you describe of her eating habits though, I would be a little concerned. A hard, 60 minute work out requires much more fuel than an egg and an orange! If she starving herself by eating tiny meals? Who knows…

Post # 5
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It sounds like your friend is excessively restricting her intake…and may have some symptoms or even a diagnosable body image/eating disorder.

I think her sick thoughts are rubbing off on you…and that’s what sick thoughts do.  They make those around the sick person unable to see the problem…it’s a disguise.

 

Post # 6
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Starling13:  She just sounds really annoying. When I read your post I thought that maybe you feel like she’s in constant competition with you… which would be irritating. In some ways it’s good… like you can push each other.

I would try to not let it bug you, though. I know it’s hard, but it sounds like she has enough energy to exercise so it’s not like she’s anorexic or anything. She probably eats more when no one is looking. You’re naturally thin (lucky duck), maybe she is jealous of you. Female relationships can be weird.

Post # 9
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Yeah, the Detox proponents annoy the crap out of me.  Seriously, that’s what your liver is for.  Unless you exist on 3 Big Macs and a handle of vodka each day, you’re body isn’t full to the brim with toxins.  

 

Some people are just obsessed with “improving” their body, even if it’s completely unnecessary.  Eating disorder?  Body dismorphia?  Maybe.  If her behavior starts to annoy you (well, WHEN her behavior starts to annoy you) and you feel like she’s trying to alter your own behavior, just tell her you’re happy with your weight/body/intake/routine/whatever.  Try to deflect her sick thoughts and maybe your healthy ones will rub off on her.

Post # 10
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow, annoyed sounds like the completely wrong word here.  You should be concerned, not annoyed.  Even if she is eating, she’s restricting her food intake too much for the amount of working out she does, and she clearly has body image issues and an obsession with food and fitness.  She sounds like she has an unhealthy fixation.

It’s a real mental illness, not just some personality quirk.  As annoying as this is for, it’s worse for her, and she’s setting herself up for some stress fractures at the very least.  I don’t think she’s self-absorped, I think she’s self-obsessed in a dangerous way.  She probably wants you to do it with her so a) she doesn’t have to face that she may be going too far, b) so she has a buddy to keep her pushing herself too hard, and c) because misery loves company.

Don’t take it personally.  I’m 100% sure its not about you, and if anything, she’s probably jealous of you.  You get to be tall and thin without working at it.  That probably gnaws at her.  Please, she might be bothersome to be around, but I would advise taking a little distance, and seeing her behavior as a symptom of some deeper issues.  You’ll take it less personally, find it less annoying, and give her less to obsess over.  Don’t feed her need for affirmation, don’t let her use you to normalize her behavior, and above all, be compassionate and empathetic without giving her more negativity to work with.  She has a problem that could turn into a true eating disorder, and I guarantee you it’s much more annoying for her than it is for you.  For every comment you hear, there are ten more, much harsher self-criticisms inside her head, alongside some heavy guilt – about eating too much, about obsessing too much, and probably about voicing some of it outloud.

She’s not being guided by rational thoughts – she’s being guided by an obsession that will compound on itself.  Stay positive, don’t let it affect you, and create boundaries that will help show your friend what’s normal.  Change the topic when she talkas about food an exercise, give her compliments on things besides looks and size, plan activities that involve neither food nor fitness nor body image (go to the museum!  A festival!  A movie!  Have tea and talk about books, no snacks!).

Post # 11
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Unless she’s actually unhealthily thin, I don’t think this is really your concern based on what’s in your post. It doesn’t sound like you know what she eats when she isn’t in your presence. Some people eat very little during the day and eat a lot at night, or eat a huge breakfast and then don’t eat much for the rest of the day. 

Post # 12
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Starling13:  I just wanted to point out about the medication/faking it feeling, people without chronic health conditions really do not get what “chronic” means.  My friends lately have been complaining that I talk about my health a lot.  But I have two chronic conditions, one pain related, and they restrict my life a lot, so when I’m asked to go do something, I often can’t because of my health or because of dr’s appointments, etc.  So my friends complain that I fixate on my health and I talk about it too much and that if I’d just think positive and stop dwelling, I’d feel better.  It’s honestly because they have no idea what it’s like to have chronic illness, especially one that is invisible and no-one can just look at you and see that you’re suffering.  So to them, I’m clearly just “feeling” like I’m sick instead of actually having problems.  I’m willing to bet that to your friend, you’re doing the same thing — you’re just feeling sick instead of actually having issues, and if you’d just work harder (and pull yourself up by your bootstraps), you wouldn’t have any symptoms anymore.  This is a really insidious attitude that I’ve encountered a lot.  If you’re not missing a limb or actively dying, you’re not “really sick” and you’re either exaggerating for attention or doing nothing about your health in order to get sympathy.

Post # 15
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Starling13:  Oi!  She does seem to want to make it hard for you.  Honestly?  Just ignore her when she says stuff like.  Tell her “No, I’d rather this be relaxing and fun!” once and then seriously just pretend you can’t hear her if she pushes it.  If she’s not up for non-obsession related stuff, then she’s going to find herself lonely.  It’s probably better for you to shut down the toxic behavior so you don’t get dragged into it, and it’s definitely better for her if you don’t feed the beast.

Fitness spas sound like great things for very healthy people who want to give themselves a kick start, but a terrible place to have fun!  Yikes!

Post # 16
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@icetea:  The “disguise” comment is so true.  The sick thoughts take over and try to make themselves seem normal.  If everyone is working out a ton and eating 1000 calorie/day diets, then that’s the “normal” behavior, and “normal” is code for “healthy” if you’re not a scientist with highly specialized knowledge (which most of us aren’t).

The topic ‘Chronic Detoxer’ is closed to new replies.

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