Post # 1
I recently got engaged and my Fiancé’ and I currently in the process of planning our wedding! (Yay!!).
We are just about ready to book our reception hall and the next item on our list is the church. This is probably going to be where our biggest argument lies. He wants to have the wedding ceremony in his church. He went to school there from 1st grade to 8th and is an active parishioner there. I love how the church has meaning to him and his family, however this is one problem. I absolutely hate the church. It is unattractive, located on a busy street, and it does not have a long center aisle. You have to make numerous turns to finally get to the aisle and once you get there, it’s very small. In addition to that, there are pews behind the alter as well, so it appears very busy.
We have talked about this numerous times. I feel terrible that I feel this way, but after dreaming about my wedding since I was 4 years old, I had a certain image of a beautiful church with a long center aisle. I don’t want to be selfish, but at the same time I don’t want to walk into that church on my wedding wishing I was somewhere else.
I am the same religion as him (Catholic), but do not actively practice as he does. Traditionally, you are supposed to get married at the bride’s church, but I currently don’t have one after moving to a new area.
Any bees have a similar experience? If so, how did you handle it?
Post # 3
I would say, if this is something that is important to him, especially since you don’t have a church suck it up for him. There are ways to make a church look nicer, and it seems like this is one area he feels strongly about. The thing is which is more important, your “vision” or your future husbands feelings?
Post # 4
@SoonToBeMrsD921: I also forgot to mention that the wedding reception will be in New Jersey and his church is in New York. So on top of the aesthetics, I feel that for people who are staying over in the hotels in Jersey, it will be an inconvenience for people to go 30 mins out of there way only to go back to NJ for the reception.
Post # 5
@SoonToBeMrsD921: Lots of people do that. More than an hour would be far, but people will drive it. You seem to just be finding reasons to not have it there.
But again, generally guys don’t care that much about wedding details, and this seems to be important to him. Marriage is about compromise and sometimes, the things that don’t just fit perfectly into your vision can be worked with because it is sometihng that holds a lot of value to him.
Post # 6
i agree with chasesgirl, give in. this is his home parish and it sounds like this is very important to him. guys normally don’t get a lot of say (or care about whether we choose periwinkle or cornflower linens). you say you don’t want to be selfish, so don’t be. if you’re thinking you’d be walking down the aisle “wishing you were somewhere else” then you’d have bigger issues! when the time comes, all you’re going to care about is that he’s at the end of the aisle, whether it’s 5 ft or as long as a football field.
i originally wanted to get married in a different parish because mine is huge and not as pretty. but when it came down to it, my church may not fit my “vision” but it the most sentimental one to me and being able to receive the Sacrament in the church I grew up in is going to be an amazing experience. don’t take that away from your FH.
oh and FWIW, my church is ~25 mins away from the reception site.
Post # 7
Weddings are first and foremost about the emotion behind the union, not about how pretty the aisle looks. Let him have this one.
Post # 8
if he actively practices and you do not, it’s his choice. i think you need to get over the aesthics and put into perspective what’s actually important here.
Post # 9
This is obviously important to him and since you don’t have a home church, I think you should get married in his. As PPs have said, marriage is about compromise and this will be the first of many.
The “beauty” of the church has nothing to do with the love and sentiment behind the vows that will be said there.
Post # 10
Is it the building he loves or the people? I’m not Catholic so I don’t know about the rules. But, is it possible to have his preist perform the ceremony in a different church? Our church is UGLY and has two aisles rather than one. Most people in our congregation have our pastor marry them in a different church building.