Post # 1
Member
4383 posts
Honey bee
a little background, i was raised Catholic, i have had my first communion and confirmation but now only go to church on christmas and easter (please don’t get mad!). i feel very spiritual and i would like to raise my kids to be the same way.
the struggle i am having is that i feel a little disconnected from the catholic church as i disagree with a few of their beliefs (contraception, pre-marital sex, and homosexuality). i am having trouble deciding if i should get married in the church or just have a civil ceremony… if i have a civil ceremony, can i have the marriage blessed by the church at a later date?
i should also mention another potential issue is that my Fiance feels he’s Christian, but has never been baptized, so i know the church won’t see it that way…
Post # 3
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
I voted for a civil ceremony because “civil” does not equal “Non-spiritual.” I think this way you can have the ceremony that it fully meaningful to you and there’s nothing stopping you from incorporating some of the Catholic ceremony traditions/pagentry that you like. I too was baptised/raised Catholic and left them because I disagree on such a fundamental, moral level with their current teachings and practices, but I understand missing some of the traditions and ceremony.
Post # 4
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I have a friend who is technically Hindu/Christian and her Fiance is Catholic. They are having this Hindu ceremony blessed by a priest. So I know that is possible.
The rest I am unsure of. I have only been to Catholic weddings when both members are Catholic b/c of the promise to raise your children Catholic vows and some other things.
I hope you find something that works for both you and your FI! We opted for a civil religious ceremony, outside, by a Baptist priest b/c we didn’t feel a connection with any particular church in general.
I didn’t vote; i feel weird voting on what kind of ceremony for you =]. It’s so personal
Post # 5
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
This post is very similar to another Catholic post. Just click on the link below and it will take you to it. I think you will find very helpful answers.
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/confused-2
In my humble opinion, I think it depends on how active you are in the faith. Do you still receive communion? If so, not being married in the church will not allow you to receive communion. Just something to think about. It’s talked about in the post above. Hope it helps.
Post # 6
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
It sounds like right now getting married in the catholic church would not be an accurate representation of your beliefs. If you get married in a civil ceremony and later decide you want the church stamp of approval, you get what is called a convalidation. It wouldn’t be a huge wedding all over again; it would be a small ceremony marrying you officially in the church.
That your fiance is not baptized poses no hindrance to getting married or convalidated in the catholic church. That said, if you did get married in the church you could have a pretty civil-esque ceremony (i.e., no mass or communion), which might be a good choice especially if your family is very religious and it would mean a lot to them and be not too big a deal for you. As you and your fiance grow together spiritually, I hope that you find a good spiritual home. And on a side note, I’m curious that your fiance considers himself a Christian but isn’t baptized—that’s a requirement for membership in every Christian church there is, even the very socially liberal churchs, and I’m surprised to hear that if he identifies as Christian that he hasn’t pursued it. Just something to talk about with him, I guess. 🙂 Good luck!
p.s. I also didn’t vote because I think either choice could be made for the right reasons.
Post # 7
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I definitely agree with frugal_faye. My fiance and I are both Christian, and we aren’t planning on getting married in a church, simply because we don’t really have a church home right now. However, that definitely isn’t going to stop us from integrating some religious elements into our ceremony!
Post # 8
Member
4383 posts
Honey bee
thanks you everyone for your comments. i should clarify, what i meant by feeling Christian even though he’s not baptized is that he feels he has christian beliefs, and sometimes saying he’s not baptized makes people assume he doesn’t believe in God or that he isn’t in any way spiritual (some people!)
i am definitely the more spiritual of the two of us. he wants the civil ceremony because it would be “easier and most logical” (men… more specifically, accountants 😛 ) . this is because we have the option of having the ceremony and the reception in the same place. i also like this idea, but something about it seems to be nagging at me.
i do still receive communion and i understand that if we don’t marry in the church i should no longer do that. i also know it would probably mean a lot to my dad to see me marry in the church. on the other hand, i know it won’t hurt his feelings if we do not.
UGH. I am so conflicted… sorry for the babbling haha.
Post # 9
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
@ frugal faye – you mentioned that you left the Church because you disagree with current teachings and practice? Not quite sure what you are referring to, but the teachings have been preserved for almost 2000 years.
@ OttawaBride2011 – Not getting married in a Church does not necessarily constitute not being able to receive communion. However, not getting married in a Church or with the Blessings of the Church would in God’s eyes, be an invalid union. As such, while the law may say you are married… God’s law would state that you are not. Sorry to be the one to bear the not-so-happy truth about the situation, but I’d rather you know than have to butter it up to not seem important, when indeed, it is extremely important.
GOD BLESS…
Post # 10
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee
I agree that “civil” does not equal “non-spiritual”. I think you should have a nice, spiritual ceremony that means a lot to you without following all of the catholic regulations.
Post # 11
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
@rumblebee I’m referring to the way recent church officials have decided to interpret and act on the church teachings and practics (such as the recent excommunication of the 9-year old rape victim in Argentina but not her rapist). I’ve found some teachings very problematic for years, but more recently I’ve begun to find acts like these outright disgusting and hateful. I don’t mean any offense to others who believe/follow Catholic church teachings, but as far as I’m concerned I want nothing to do with the church anymore. I’ve lost my faith that they are making correct interpretations of god and religion and its role in life, not my faith in God.
I don’t mean to start an argument at all, but since you asked, that’s my explanation.
Post # 12
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
If your marriage is blessed by your Catholic priest, how are you not married in the eyes of God also? I thought that was the whole *point* of having him bless the ceremony? If you already disagree with some of the church’s beliefs, will you feel as if you aren’t truly married in the eyes of God if you don’t have a Catholic wedding? That could be a very important point to consider. I’ve had comments that I’m not “really married” b/c I didn’t get married in a church and it’s hurtful, so I can see where, if you believe that, a Catholic wedding is a must. But I didn’t get that impression from you since you are open to marrying a non-Catholic Christian and a lot of very devout people are not.
PS i’m not baptized and I consider myself a spiritual Christian also =].
Maybe sit down with your Fiance and explain why a church wedding is important to you and what your feelings are on the whole matter. How does he feel about getting married in a church, logistically aside? Don’t do what he wants just b/c it’s *easier* if it doesn’t feel right in your heart. But you also can’t force him into a catholic wedding he’s not comfortable with. That being said, you could not have mass and just have the ceremony, too, which I’ve had lots of friends do!
Post # 13
Member
4383 posts
Honey bee
i am very very lucky, and he is willing to do whatever i want. he has no opposition to being married in the church, he just always thinks of things in terms of logistics, so when i was having trouble making a decision, that’s the advice he offered! i do not believe that not getting married in the church would make my marriage invalid, in fact that’s another one of the issues i have with the church.
because of all of these thoughts i have been having, i feel like i need to do a bit of soul searching. my mom was anglican before she married my dad, at which point she converted, but she pointed out that i may want to try going to an anglican church… maybe the catholic church just isn’t a good fit for me…
thank you all for your advice/thoughts! i am definitely willing to listen and consider all opinions 🙂 i love wedding bee!
Post # 14
Member
4383 posts
Honey bee
i think i should have posted this is “emotional” and not “catholic”… lol
Post # 15
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee
I also hate to break this to you, but I believe you said that you do still go to communion, currently. Unfortunately, if you are only going to church on Christams and Easter, you are in a state of sin, If you are in a state of sin (not in the state of grace) you cannot receive communion. (Catholics are required to go to mass every weekend for their Sunday obligation.) This is of course assuming that you are not going to confession before you go to mass. I can’t name anyone I know who properly observes being in the state of grace for communion, but usually skips mass.
While I’d love to encourage you to get married in the Catholic Church, I don’t think the way you practice your faith is conducive to you living those vows seriously/properly.
Post # 16
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
OttawaBride — I feel exactly the same way as you. Do what is right for you and your fiance, whatever that may be. There are some Christian churches that will marry you even if you are not a member, and I know of a Catholic church in Minnesota that is not as strict as most Catholic churches are when it comes to this sort of thing – so there might be a welcoming/progressive one like that near you, too.
To each their own. Good luck!