Post # 1
Okay, I booked my church a month ago, it’s a great place and I’m so excited to get married there even though it’s $700 more then most the other places we looked at.
Downfall – the 500 year old woman who is their wedding coordinator is only in the office 4 hours a week and theyhours chang per week, sometimes they are as vauge as "Tursday morning" -even when I’;ve asked her to clarify so I could call back, she’s still just said "Thursday morning" – not to mention she’s no idea how to function a computer and aparently has not e-mail address.
I’ve been playing phone tag with her for 2 weeks now as I’ve received my iteneray for the wedding day and I’m a bit worried – and I have questions. an I reach her. No.
A few of the things that worry me are, the wedding is at 3 and we’re not allowed in the actual sancturay until 1:30 – when I’ll be in full wedding dress mode and hair time. so I will have no opportunity, nor will the rest of the wedding party or moms/dads ect. to place the candles, flowers and such. Plus if I have musicians, how will they pratice together?
I also need to change the date of my rehersal dinner.
And I also was given a list of all these things I need to do and people I need to call betwee "such and such time" (give me a certian month before the actual wedding – like the pastor, a class (though not specific as to if this will be the only class) the piano player and so on. I was under the impression this was something she was to help me with instead of deligating to me when I need to to it all. I’m cool doing it but I just feel like she’sreally just shuffeling paper work and not reallyhelpig with anything.
And again, I can’t get any information because she’s never there. And here’s the kicker – she sent me a detailed price list for all I’m paying for, breaking it down as to who gets what and there’s a wedding coordinator fee of $85 – so I’m paying her to do nothing for the most part.
For those of you out there familliar with all this – is this normal? What should I do, what would you do?
Post # 3
i feel your pain! "dealing with the church" is the single most stressful thing about the wedding planning so far. it’s also an expensive choice for us too compared to other churches, and we seem to be having difficulties every step of the way. unfortunately we are members there & like it because it’s pretty (okay and also we’re stubborn & have come so far already, we can’t back out now.).
i know this isn’t really the best advice, but i have found it REALLY helpful to breathe, take a step back and realize they arent just another wedding vendor (like a reception site or photographer), they probably aren’t even full time or paid employees so they probably will not jump on every phone call or email from a demanding bride or groom, and generally when they’re giving you times they aren’t too concerned whether a bride next year will have time to put her flowers in the church- because they just have other things to do. It’s not that they hate you or are trying to ruin the wedding. As for why you guys can’t be in the church until 1:30, it’s possible there is another wedding or even a service that morning (for example, we must be out of the church completely a half hour after our ceremony because there is a noon mass, then another wedding after ours, and we arent allowed to decorate!) Obviously there are serious questions you need to ask her and it’s going to be difficult to get a hold of her, just stay strong!!
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2007 - Radisson Hotel
Oh, I’ve definitely dealt with this. The whole "unavailable" via telephone AND email… Mine sent me a form that just had blanks in front of words and I have no idea what we’re supposed to do. What I did was send it back to her with a list of questions regarding it. THEN I’d call her and tell her the problem. After she didn’t respond, we went above her. That helps. 🙂 Her fee is 100.00. I so want to dispute that, but until we see the actual rehearsal behavior we’ll see.
All I can say is good luck!! It’s terrible. If you get no answer, go above her. Talk to the person SHE works for!
Post # 5
yea, i totally feel you on this… i’ve worked with many church coordinators in the past and many of them don’t even want to talk to brides until a month prior to the wedding. basically, you’re paying $85 for them to run the rehearsal and the day. but no, they’re often not much service to you beforehand.
i suggest leave multiple messages for her to call you back and just keep trying over and over at different times of the day. or ask for her home phone number. be diligent in tracking her down and sit her down for a meeting. i don’t think you can expect her to help you with any of those contacts that you need to do. you better just get started early and on your own.
i would also suggest not getting ready at the church. get ready elsewhere and just be at the church 45 mins to 1 hour beforehand. and tell your entire wedding party to definitely be there 1 hour beforehand. your florist should set up the flowers and such. or if you’re DIY, assign that task to someone who’s not in the wedding party. the coordinator should set up the unity candle. they often have a spot reserved for that in the church and are used to handling those types of ceremonial items.
good luck and be diligent! maybe you can leave a message at the church office saying that you need to change your rehearsal date and maybe that will spark a fire under the coordinator to return your call.
Post # 6
OMG! I feel like you must be getting married in the same church as me because my church wedding coordinator is also horribly mean and unapproachable. it makes me extra sad because I can’t help but think, "Isn’t she a religious person? I don’t think this is very ‘Christian’ of her" haha. but seriously. i posted before about the parking situation at the church and didn’t mention that she wrote me a nasty e-mail about my questions. I haven’t booked the church yet and she said she can’t answer anymore of my questions if I don’t actually pay a deposit and book the date because she has already spent too much time answering my questions and is a very busy person. WHAT? isn’t this her job? How can I book the date if I don’t know how many shuttles are available? If my own pastor can officiate? I think it is unacceptable because I have three jobs and work another part time job and put 110% into each one, whether they are part-time or not.
I am only scared to go above her at this point because she is in charge of the weding calendar and I don’t want her to blackball me and my fiance. ONce we do book the date I plan to go above her (as suggested by someone else as well) to ask if there is another coordinator or assistant that I can work directly with, rather than her. This is supposed to be one of the happiest days of our lives and i can’t imagine what it will be like with mean, unattentive wedding coordinators, whom we didn’t even choose to begin with!
good luck! it gives me some comfort to know that i may not be alone in my sorrows 🙂