(Closed) Clingy Maid of Honor/Best Friend. Help!!!!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Runnymede Hotel

Have you tried talking to her?

Post # 3
Member
30398 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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whatsarahsaid:  Tell her that you have some deadlines coming up for work (or whatever excuse is reasonable for your situation) and will not be able to answer her texts immediately, then don’t.

Do text her when you have the time and know that she will be available.

Post # 4
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

Honestly, when I can no longer reply to what my friends say, I just don’t answer and pretend I didn’t see their text. I have one friend who texts me a lot too, and often its a convo with herself or just something that I don’t even know what to reply to. So I either ignore it and the next time we text, mention I didn’t eee it or something, or I just reply with a generic ‘haha’ or ‘yeah’ and hope the conversation ends lol

Post # 5
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

It sounds like she thinks (consciously or not) that your marriage threatens your friendship with her. She feels insecure and thus clings. Do you think that is the case? 

Post # 9
Member
499 posts
Helper bee

I agree with PP, she’s probably just freaking out that you’re her closest and only good friend and she’s about to “lose” you. Encouraging her to socialize and date is awesome but in some ways might also have made her feel a little pushed away from you and like she “needs” to have a male partner instead. Just reassure her that you are looking forward to having her by your side every step of the way but that your work day is busy and that you aren’t always able to get to her texts. As long as you don’t suddenly stop responding, you can probably gently and slowly cut down on how much you reply without a huge amount of trouble. It might also help her if you schedule a regular “date” with her or even just a meeting or two in the future for her to lean on and look forward to. Just things to reassure her that she’s not about to lose her only friend. 

Post # 12
Member
4030 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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whatsarahsaid:  When you are at work or at home with your Fiance or during any other time that you have designated a “no texting zone”, place your phone on silent and put it in your purse or somewhere where you won’t see if it went off. When you do have time to text or are open to receiving texts, take it out and respond to her. Explain that at work you can’t have your phone on you at all times and when at home you sometimes put it down or in another room. Eventually, I think she will start sensing when you’ll respond and when you won’t respond. 

My best friend moved to another state so 90% of our conversations now take place on the phone, either text messages or phone calls. She is in grad school and works two jobs, so every semester I gradually learn her schedule based on times when I text and get an immediate response versus when I text and don’t hear anything for four hours. Now I know when to text if I need an immediate response and when to text if it can wait. She does the same for me. She knows when I’m working versus when I’m free and can respond.

I know you don’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings, but I think a conversation is in order. If you feel like you can’t talk to her, only respond when you are truly free and don’t have your phone out where you can see the constant messages coming in. 

Post # 13
Member
37 posts
Newbee

I’m jealous, I have a Maid/Matron of Honor who doesn’t seem interested in our friendship anymore AND she is super sensitive as well so I feel like if I ask her why she will get all the more distance and defensive, at least she cares 🙂

Post # 14
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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whatsarahsaid:  talk to her before you end up hating her.  I had a similar situation, and the more I tried to distance myself, the clingy-er she got.  i told her, since i was no longer single, I’d  love to hang out, but i needed to make plans in advance – especially as the wedding got closer. No luck – she acted like she didn’t hear me and would act like her feelings were hurt if i couldn’t do it at the drop of a hat. There were other issues at play, but I eventually had to flat out tell her to leave me alone.  Then I tried the it’s not you it’s me thing, and it still didn’t get through. I felt like I was constantly coddling her, and I felt like a shitty person whenever she’d contact me.  It got to the point where I was afraid to look at my phone. Our friendship didn’t survive. Hopefully it won’t have to go that far with you two.

Post # 15
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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whatsarahsaid:  When you’re with your husband you need to put your phone in your bag on silent. Same thing at work.

She will get the message eventually. 

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