“Close” family discovered on 23andme…

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s your family too. Your mom doesn’t own all knowledge of family and can’t dictate you finding Out about them. It’s not her business.  She made her wishes known, she doesn’t wanna know or be in contact. That is her right. You go do what you want for yourself and don’t tell her unless she asks. You aren’t doing it for her you are doing it for you. 

Post # 3
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My mum has a similar experience with her dad. He left her and her 4 siblings when she was young and never had anything further to do with them. But he went on to have another family. My mum has always made it clear that she wants nothing to do with him and doesn’t want him to have knowledge of her life and her children. I would never attempt to make contact with that family because I know how upset my mum would be if I did. 

I would consider if getting in touch with these people is worth the upset it would cause to your mum. What exactly do you hope to get out of it? 

Post # 5
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

What facts do you need to know though? 

I may be wrong but I get the impression, with all the references to your mums mental health, that you think your mum is being unreasonable in not wanting any contact or information. I don’t think it’s unreasonable of your mum to not want anything to do with the man who abandoned her or the family he went on to have instead of staying. 

If you have a burning desire to contact them, then do so. I’m just saying you should carefully consider your mums possible reaction if she found out because I know my mum would be really upset. Blood doesn’t always equal family.  

vowstowoes :  

Post # 6
Member
2761 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I do think these DNA kits can open huge cans of worms which are best left closed.

 

your mum has made it clear she doesn’t want to know these people and are you sure they know about her / their father’s precious family. 

I’d let it lie and not get in touch 

Post # 7
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

vowstowoes :  as a pp said,  it’s *your* family too. I see nothing wrong with meeting up with the cousins. They, like you, had nothing to do with the drama….

Post # 8
Member
3301 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Your certainly allowed to get in contact with other members of your family now that you know they exist. I don’t, however, think it’s right to try and force these people on your mother. She made it crystal clear that she wants absolutely nothing to do with him or anything connected to him, and you should respect that. It’s not up to you to decide how she needs to deal with however many half siblings she may have running around. Do all the investigating you want, but keep your mom out of it. 

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