(Closed) Close Family Engagements… Do not want to steal anyone's thunder

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
7111 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

My sister got engaged a few months after me and married 6 weeks before me. I couldn’t have been happier for her! It didn’t cause us any problems, whatsoever. But we started out with a good relationship and no issues of competitiveness, so that made it easier. I’ve seen many bees on here get their panties in a bunch because a close family member got engaged/married too close to them. I generally tell them they’re being ridiculous and to get over it, but it happens. So while I think you’re perfectly within your rights to get engaged and married whenever you want (well, I’d give them a month buffer for the wedding). If it would be easier to wait and avoid drama, that’s also well within your rights. 

Post # 3
6263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have no input because I don’t believe in the “stealing thunder” nonsense. Get engaged when you and your BF wants. His sister will have to put on her big girl panties and get over it. Sorry.

Post # 4
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My fiances brother got engaged in December we got engaged in the April after (4 months) planned to have our wedding 7 months after theirs and she threw a fit to my Future Sister-In-Law about it. Of course my Future Sister-In-Law told me, bc we are super close lol. And not they are no longer engaged. But that’s another story. 

I would’ve been pissed if I would have pushed back our wedding so she wouldn’t have a tantrum. 


I say who cares, just do it! You deserve to shine too!! 

Post # 5
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
gelaine22:  Love this

Post # 6
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

All Bees repeat after me: THUNDER STEALING IS NOT A THING!

OP, I think it’s great that you’re trying to be so sensitive of the needs of others, but really it’s unneccessary. Joy is not a finite resource, and hearts can grow to accommodate all love, not just one couple’s. The emotional reactions of others to your life events (that are not related to them) are really beyond your control. Offer his sister your sincere congratulations when they get engaged, but don’t allow it to dictate your life or timeline. Maybe offer to help plan a double engagement BBQ if you want to recognize your landmarks as equal, but don’t make a big deal out of it.

And thunderstealing is not. a. thing. At least not after 5th grade.

Post # 8
3971 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
toripink15:  I, too, don’t believe in this whole “thunder stealing” nonesense. Weddings are supposed to be happy occassions, so, to me, the more the merrier! If my brother and his SO got engaged at any point during my engagement, I’d be thrilled!

I think if you allow yourself to put your life on hold for this sister, you’re always going to be doing it. Now it’s getting engaged, but what about when it’s time to have children? Are you going to hold off having a child for a few years just so this sister and her child can have the “spotlight” of the family? I can see if maybe you planned on getting married in the same month as this sister that it could be a little stressful for your SO’s family, but otherwise, GET ENGAGED WHEN YOU WANT TO GET ENGAGED. I can’t stress that enough. No one else is putting off their life to make accommodations for you, so why do it for them?

Post # 9
407 posts
Helper bee

Future Brother-In-Law and his fiancee got engaged the very same weekend as FI’s cousin and her fiance. Then Fiance and I got engaged three months later. Everyone in the family is aware that people get engaged when they want to and when it’s right for the couple, no one steals anyone else’s thunder because we’re all happy for each other.

Post # 12
611 posts
Busy bee


View original reply
toripink15:  You do what is right for you and your SO. Forget everyone else.

Post # 13
8408 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You do not have to partipate in other people’s absurdity. If someone is going to be upset that someone else gets engaged at the same time as them, that is THEIR absurdity. Do not participate in that absurdity by postponing your engagement. Just get engaged and live your life like a normal person.

Post # 14
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
toripink15: I personally would be thrilled but my siblings and I are non competitive and the concept of thunder stealing does not compute. 

in your situation you two should do you if everyone is an adult here. if you want to wait, wait! If you want to move forward, move forward!

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