Post # 1
OK- I just need to vent for a minute. I just got a call from my almost husband (my mom called him because she didn’t know how I would react). My great-grandmother, grandmother, one uncle, his wife, my great aunt, her son (he’s my dad’s age but special needs), my dad’s cousin and her husband (they have a legit excuse- his mother had a stroke today), one of my cousins and her partner (10 people total) all RSVP’ed yes to my wedding. I included my grandmother and great-grandmother on the wedding programs. And they decided to call my dad today and say they will not be able to make it. i even had my dad double check before i got my programs printed that they were still planning on attending. I had to order extra tables (more people RSVP’ed yes than we initally thought would). Our wedding is 2.5 hours away from home and 2.5 hours from my dad’s family- a factor in us choosing this location was actually the fact that it would be easier on my dad’s family to come.
I’m hurt- absolutely hurt that my grandmother and great-grandmother aren’t coming. My grandfather passed away in November of last year and I lost an Uncle (my dad is the olest of 6 boys) when I was 5. We have a memory table and I put a lot of thought and effort into what items would represent them on the table.
Most importantly, I feel awful for my dad who has been crying all afternoon over this apparently. My parents have done EVERYTHING for these people. If it wasn’t for my parents sending them money at times- there are some months my dad’s family would not have eaten. The thing that sucks the most is they couldn’t even give a good excuse. They didn’t give us a reason.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you and yeah, it totally sux when family let you down, especially at the last minute! It’s pretty horrible that most of them didn’t give you a reason too: honestly, sometimes people are so self-absorbed and self-centered that they don’t stop to think of others.
I would try to put it out of your mind (hard to do, I know), focus on those who are coming, and write a mental note for the future to quietly remove these people from your life (except for those who had the legit excuse), as if your wedding isn’t important to them then they’re not worth wasting your energy on. Perhaps do something nice for your dad too: mention him specially in the speech or ask him to help you choose a song for the “father-daughter” dance? But at the end of the day, it’s THEM who disappointed him and not you, so you can only be there for and support him.
Post # 4
I know its difficult, but you just never know why people can’t attend. Your great grandmother and grandmother are, I’m sure, elderly and maybe even a 2 1/2 hr drive is too much for them. Any one of those people could be feeling under the weather and don’t want to show up sick and be a downer on your wedding day. Please try to be understanding. You don’t want to be that person who gets angry at them only to find out later that it was some terrible, sad reason why they couldn’t make it.
I would call them and tell them you’ll miss them greatly, and then make plans to visit with all of them after the wedding. It doesn’t make it hurt less that they can’t attend, but if they matter to you, then you’ll make an effort to see them regardless of a wedding happening in your life. I hope everything works out in the end!
Post # 5
Yep. I’d be majorly hurt too, especially by the last minute/no excuse crap. And that’s exactly what it is- crap. Which… this is family. If they can’t tell you why they can’t come, what could it possibly be?
The only reason I can think of is lack of money, because you mentioned sending money to them so they can eat. But even then, my guess is that if they couldn’t afford a tank of gas, your dad would be willing to help them out.
OP, there isn’t anything you can do now but support your dad. I like the idea of making a special mention for him.
My vindictive side also says that when your grandmother and other relatives don’t show up, their going to look quite the fools, especially with your special homage to your relatives who have passed away. As in clearly, you care for them to make a memorial at your wedding, but they don’t seem to care for you to actually show up.
Post # 6
I am sorry that this is happening, however it is better to know this now instead the day of. My brother texted me, yes thats right. Texted me on the day of the wedding while was taking pictures saying he couldn’t make it to my wedding…
Post # 7
Thank you for your replies ladies! my best friend from high school also RSVP’ed yes to my wedding yet accepted an invitation to take a trip to NYC with her dad the week of my wedding- they are still there. Oh well. We had my mom’s aunt stand-in as my grandmother and DH’s aunt stand in as my great-grandmother. Sadly- they have both been more influental in our lives than my grandma or great-grandma. My dad is deeply hurt by their actions. However- my dad went off without a hitch (ok- so there were a few… my cake fell on the groomscake the night before the wedding, but it was repaired before the wedding, our rented ice machine quit working on Friday afternoon about 2 hours after it was delivered and it took them until 3 hours before the weding to bring us a new one). But- it was beautiful and I married my best friend!
Post # 8
Horrible!! But don’t add to your fathers pain by adding your emotions to it. If you fall apart over it so will your dear dad. The memory table is there to honor the lost. It’s not there for your grandparents. Put a smile on your face and concentrate on who DID show up. Give your guests lots of love and attention and make this the most joyous wedding ever!!!