Post # 1
I have a close friend I’ve known for years and we have a mutual friend we’ve both known for years. Close friend = BFF, Mutual friend = Acq. BFF is extremely close to Acq. and takes it personally that others in our circle of friends don’t click with her. For example, I had a party once and didn’t invite her and we got into a fight about it! Ridiculous!!
Well, on a few occasions I’ve hinted to BFF how hard it is because several people assume they are invited and they aren’t. Or how I haven’t figured out the guest list so BFF can’t throw me an engagement party yet. She hasn’t picked up on these subtle queues. In fact, another mutual friend whom she doesn’t even consider close to me (like she mistakenly thinks Acq. is) offered to help BFF plan the engagement party and BFF didn’t pick up that I started talking about the unfinished guest list right after she told me this. Ugh.
So to make matters worse I know for a fact that Acq. assumes she’s coming because she happened to be visiting when I dropped by after visiting a reception venue. I was in the unfortunate position of talking about the wedding and she blurted out “We’re SO going!” when she saw one of my potential locations.
In the end, I will probably just invite Acq. to avoid drama but it just irritates me that my BFF does NOT GET MY HINTS! WTH?! Especially after our last fight where I blatently told her “Acq. is YOUR friend, not my friend. I don’t call her, she doesn’t call me.”
What would YOU do?
Post # 3
If she is your BFF, you should be able to talk to her and let her know. If she doesn’t understand, you might just say something like “I am sorry you don’t understand that I do not want this acq at my wedding or anything involved with the wedding, but it is my decision and that is just the way it is.” If she gets too upset by it and starts an argument, maybe she really isn’t your BFF. JMHO
Post # 4
Stop being so subtle? Don’t make it about the Acq (I have no idea how to spell that!). Just say, hey, you could really help me out by not talking about the wedding with people until I can get you an invite list. I don’t want to dissapoint or offend anyone, and with the economy as tough as it is right now, I will have to make some choices that will not be easy. So, if you can keep it under wraps as much as possible, that would be a huge help and it would avoid some heartache.
Actually, totally blame it on the economy. No one can feel totally safe in their job.
Post # 5
I like that idea a LOT monitajb. I will do that and so she doesn’t feel singled out, I’ll simply make that request on our next girls night. I don’t think i’ll get away with not inviting Acq. which isn’t the end of the world, but it could go a long way towards eliminating it as a future problem!
I don’t want it to come across like she’s a pain. She’s a wonderfully loyal, compassionate person and sometimes these traits work against her. Could i be direct? Yes. She’d understand. But it would do damage, not necessarily to our friendship, but to her sensitivity level when it comes to events where both this Acq. and others in our circle who don’t care for her are invited. I’m a good enough friend to realize this is a sensitivity of hers. doesnt’ mean I’m not irritated, but it does mean I’m going to pick my battles.
Thanks for “listening”! Very helpful to get this off my chest.
Post # 6
Sadly you are going to have to get used to telling people things like “sorry…we are having a small wedding” or whatever the reason is. It’s no fun at 1st but it gets better…. you will probably have to do it alot..it’s surprising how many people ASSUME they are coming to a wedding.
So just tell this person and anyone else, right when they say something “oh sorry…..”
It will be ok. I think we all have dealt with this
Post # 7
Yikes! my situation isnt that bad but on of my BFs (who is one of my BMs) asked me if another friend of ours (her cousin) is invited to the wedding. I said no and she seemed surprised/upset but to be honest I havent kept in touch with the girl since high school and yes we see each other at parties and when we go out but I dont consider her close at all. Some people just think a wedding is a giant party and a free for all….which we all know its not!!