Post # 1
A friend of mine runs a very successful event planning business with a huge focus on weddings. I’m extremely happy for her and have always promoted her business and even suggested her to a couple of my engaged friends. Problem is that she is a very forceful person and does push her own ideas onto brides. I love her very much but know that we have drastically opposite views on how a wedding should go (that’s fine to each their own). She loves bling, Vegas and loud parties etc and I want a simple wedding with family.
I recently got engaged (YAY!!) and before she even congratulated me she emailed me her “Wedding Planner Gold Package” (first off super expensive and no discount for buds??). As much as I support her business I’ve never seen a need for a wedding planner, my Maid/Matron of Honor is incredible and I have 8 bridesmaids in all. We’re planning a large but simple backyard wedding and I don’t need anything fancy.
Every time I see this friend now she keeps talking about how amazing she’s going to make my wedding. I appreciate her enthusiasm except that she’s expecting me to pay over $3000 for something I don’t want. Our wedding isn’t until 2016 so I’ve been putting her off by saying we haven’t even started planning yet.
i have no idea how to tell her that I don’t need a wedding planner especially cause she’s already calling me her “favourite client”. We are close friends but like I said she’s pushy and takes offence easily so I’m worried this might ruin our friendship… I’m pretty sure she was expecting to be a bridesmaid too so we are already on shakey ground. 🙁
any advice on how to break the news to her? I know I should do this soon before things get out of hand.
Post # 2
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
“No thanks, we don’t have that in our budget.”
Post # 3
SimpleCountryLife: i’d just tell her that you’re looking forward to her being part of your wedding as a guest only, and thank her for the offer. then do not bring up planning too much around her so that she gets the hint.
Post # 4
SimpleCountryLife: “I wanted to let you know as soon as possible that ___ and I have decided not to have a wedding planner. I am happy to continue to recommend your services to others but we have decided to scale back our plans.”
Then be prepared to simply keep repeating “We have decided not to have a wedding planner” when she raises objections and tries to tell you how much she will save you.
Post # 5
SimpleCountryLife: Just tell her your cant afford her.
Post # 6
SimpleCountryLife: I would just say that you aren’t going to hire a wedding planner! If she’s being direct then you probably need to be direct too. You don’t want to somehow end up with a 3k wedding planner because you couldn’t say no…
Post # 7
SimpleCountryLife: “I don’t think it is wise to mix friendship and business. I would much rather have you relaxed at our wedding than working it.”
Post # 8
Agreed with PPs about telling her you don’t want/need a wedding planner. I wouldn’t say you can’t afford her or it’s not in your budget just in case she tries to discount it or do it for free anyway
Post # 9
That weird. My fiance sister is a wedding planner and she is in no way charging us for her service. She had recommend our venue, cake lady, officant, and dj at the most affordable prices. She is also decorating our venue and doing our flowers. We are using preserve flowers.
Post # 10
MrsHalpert: I second this suggestion – it’s the most polite way to refuse her planning service. OP can be honest too, and say that she doesn’t want to have a planner because her wedding will be simple, but I suspect that said friend will continue to push, because she “knows better” that even simple weddings need planners.
Personally, I would refuse to any “friendors” because it’s much harder to maintain professional and unbiased contact with vendor who is close to you (like, how can I say to my friend that her favorite centerpiece design looks like nightmare to me?) Maybe this friend would understand such point of view and accept that good friendship shouldn’t be mixed up with business.
Post # 11
Inmara: exactly; plus, i agree with the PP who said if you say you can’t afford her, that just leaves an opening for her to lower her prices and she will still keep bringing it up. if she reduces her price low enough (or says ok i’ll do it for free) then the op will still have to decline. better do it now.
no friendors for me either–my reasoning is the same as yours. it’s better to let business be business and personal be personal
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2014 - The Celebration Farm
I would just give her one reason, not a whole list as I think that comes off poorly. I would tell her you appreciate the offer (although it was never agreed upon) but that you aren’t having a wedding planner because you’re looking forward to planning all the details with your fiance (as you want your wedding to be YOUR wedding). If you give her the cost of her services as an excuse, she may offer a discount to try and persuade you. Hopefully you can get her to back off 🙂
Post # 13
Can you blame it on your mom? You’re planning a simple backyard wedding. Your mom really wants to help plan and pay for the wedding and when you mentioned a potential wedding planner she was really upset and said that she saw herself filling that role. You want to give her this opportunity to be hands-on and involved in the planning. You know that Friend would do an amazing job, but you want to let your mom be the wedding planner, you want to do this for your mom.
Post # 14
If you’re new to wedding planning, let me introduce you to the excuse that gets you off the hook for all your well-meaning friends/family who have crazy ideas:
“DH and I talked about it and we don’t want ___insert crazy idea here___”
Just like julies1949 told you to do.
For some reason if it’s only your opinion or DH’s opinion, your crazy friend/relative thinks that they can talk you into it or teach you how to win over Darling Husband. But somehow there is just this magical power in the word “We” that makes everyone understand that they need to keep their crazy ideas to themselves.
Go forth and try it out!
Post # 15
koi424: That technique actually works after marriage too. My Mom has tried to tell me how to live my life (what house to buy, etc), but when I say “DH and I decided…” she now backs off. (But for awhile she tried to convince me that “I didn’t have to do everything Darling Husband wanted to do” LOL, trust me I don’t do everything Darling Husband tells me to do!!)